So, yeah. This was a bunch of fun.







71 Comments on “#PineapplePizzaGate”

  1. Yeah, but what do the Za Guard think of Hawaiian pizza, huh? Bet you didn’t even THINK of the pixies.

  2. By allowing pineapple eaters to eat pizza with pineapples, it threatens all other toppings. You will take my pepperoni from my greasy, cold hands, Scalzi.

    Now I’m going to constantly refresh #pineapplepizzagate to check for any remotely critical comments, and swarm those people. For ethics.

  3. … and now I’m hungry for pizza, and may be phoning in an order shortly. (Which may be John’s cue to say “My work here is done.”)

  4. They should have known they were stirring up the hornet’s nest when they offered pineapple in the first place!

  5. Laughed my butt off. Man, I totally needed this. :D Been kind of grim couple of weeks… months… years… of being a woman in internets.

  6. You’ve clearly all been brainwashed as no one is questioning why the second pizza has no cheese on it. The truth is right there in the original tweet – cheese mentioned for the first pizza and not the second.

  7. No doubt this has been raised on Twitter, but I thought that pineapple that took your daughter to the prom looked suspicious. In fact, I don’t trust any fruit. Or veg.

  8. In the last post you taught us about muting. To experiment I tried muting posts containing “pizza” and look at all the fun I missed.

  9. Mr Scalzi, I have been reading this blog for a long time and I have never had cause to comment before but some things cannot be left unsaid.

    You choice in pizza toppings is a disaster.

    I speak not of the pineapple. As a fellow west coaster (though of the Canadian variety) I feel this is an eminently sensible fruit to add to the glorious pizza.
    I do however take exception to the ham. Clearly bacon is the superior choice.

  10. Dunx: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s, like, ow, lotsa hurts*.
    (Sometime, I’ll have to find a definition of ‘pie’ and a reason why cheesecake is cheesecake and not cheese pie–I mean cheesecake, like pecan pie an’ pizza an’ Shepherd’s pie an’ cherry pie is a crust with stuff on it and baked.)

    *or maybe ‘amoral.’ Or ‘Emeril.’

  11. Pineapple? Bah.

    Guacamole. As a dip, scooped up with green chile pizza. Or some other type, although pinapple …

    OK, I’ll try it.

  12. Shawn T: My best guess is it’s because cheesecake only has crust on the bottom. Pie has crust like a bowl, up the sides to contain the filling. With thin-crust pizza this is nominal, but the raised edge qualifies, I guess.

  13. I know it’s a joke, but, pineapple on a pizza is a California thing? I used to have it all the time in Pittsburgh. And it seems to be a common enough offering in Wisconsin these days.

    Anyways, just curious. Carry on.

  14. I worry that this could start a new trend – i.e. the pineapple, being a fruit and all, is healthy and well, it could cancel out the pizza’s artery clogging goodness. Today it is pineapple pizza, the next thing you know people are skipping the pizza altogether and getting a salad instead. Total chaos.

  15. See, this is why I don’t twit. I don’t need to – our dear host culls the best of them and posts them for all of us to chortle over.

    I personally wouldn’t choose pineapple and ham on my pizza (I prefer feta cheese and spinach) but I’m delighted that you enjoy it, and that you’re willing to engage your twitting followers on the subject your enjoyment. Rock on, sir!

  16. Just because the majority of people hate pineapple on their pizza, does not mean that pineapple pizza lovers are being repressed. If you want to talk about it, you could at least be more polite!*

    *It’s a glorious hashtag.

  17. Most psychotic dads just take a shotgun to their daughter’s dates. They don’t *eat* them.

  18. This discussion is sooo 20th century.

    Don’t you guys understand how Breaking Bad changed the whole pizza discussion, just like it changed literally everything?

    Roof pizza!

    With all the ingredients of failure!

  19. Now I want pizza. Does having fruit on it make it an acceptable breakfast item? (Not in college anymore, so I guess the answer is no longer automatically “yes.”)

  20. Oh mighty Scalzi, thou art now lessened in my eyes. Did not thy time spent in Chicago teach thee what pizza truly was and always should be? Shame on you and your house.

  21. Pizza guy 3 hrs late, brought Hawaiian instead of ‘roni. Offered an hour in the pineapple pizza pit as apology. REALLY?!? #PineapplePizzaPit

  22. I’ve read that pineapples evolved to garnish pizza; that real pineapples enjoy belonging on pizza.

  23. I have to just chime in here with a plug for Pineapple and Pepperoni (which is kind of epic if you like them individually)… Why can’t we all just get along?

  24. The real pizza eating scumbags are the ones who get anchovies on the pizza. you ever split a pizza with a guy who wants anchovies on his side of the pizza? It ruins the flavor of the whole pizza. The anchovy flavor and smell gets into the rest of the pizza and its totally nasty. Guys like that should not be allowed to breed.

  25. You could just tell Athena not to date, rather than cannibalizing the innocent ananas comosus :(


  26. Dear Mr. Scalzi,

    Pineapple? Ham??

    I speak for many of us when I say that your ilk have ruined pizza for everyone.

    I will no longer be buying nor reading your books. They weren’t that good, anyway.

    I will tell all my friends to do the same. Be a smugly radical as you like. It will cost you.



  27. I would like to chime in with the people who agree that pineapple and ham (introduced to me as “Hawaiian”) is the One True Pizza topping combo.

    Also, agreement with Colonel Snuggledorf (and that’s a great name)

  28. “You’re so full of shit that I will never read another one of your books. Not that I ever actually paid money for them, you luser. I downloaded them from torrent sites. But I won’t even be doing that anymore! So you can just go suck on it!”

  29. Kel: I first tried pineapple with ham (your classic Hawaiian), but having been a pepperoni aficionado since childhood, I soon learned to combine the two. It is a glorious matchup. The smoky meaty salt of the pepperoni is so wonderfully set off by the sweet and sour of the pineapple. Umami, sweet, sour, salt — the perfect combo! I think the pineapple kind of overwhelms ham and needs something stronger, like pepperoni or bacon. (And now ctein will never hug me again. sigh.) Guess what’s for dinner here at the Lurkertype house tonight, as it is every Monday.

    Anchovies should never be on a shared pizza — you can’t pick them off, the taste is still there. I mean, I don’t care for ‘shrooms, but they can be taken off with no effect to the rest of the pizza.


  30. Ahh, see Lurkertype, the trick is to get the perfect ratio of ham to pineapple so that the former is not overwhelmed by the latter but also so that it’s not just a ham pizza with a few sneaky Vitamin C visitors. Although I am now somewhat intrigued by this pepperoni/pineapple concept and will have to investigate further…

    @MutantSupermodel – The beauty of Whatever is that you can avoid all direct contact with Twitter and just catch up on OGH’s tweets from the sidebar. Bonus: when there’s extra-hilarious shenanigans afoot he helpfully collates them in a post like this one :D.

  31. @TheSanityInspector Tomatoes have an average of 16.9 g of Vitamin C per tomato, and tomatoes are an integral part of tomato sauce…

  32. Piza is simply perfect when it is made how YOU like it. It is an individual expression of taste. Except for Philistines like my wife who demand ultra-thin crust. I mean, WHY BOTHER?

    Also too. First aid for molten cheese burns is suck an ice cube. Which is why is not the appropriate beverage.

    Re: “and I won’t buy your book neither!” cries…

    If a man-boob flounces on the internet, does any-one care?

  33. Dear Lurker,

    Ummm, and I am one of those who DOES love anchovies.

    It seems we are of entirely different religions, if not in fact species. Our star-crossed love is doomed.

    My heart, she is forever broke.

    I will solider on in proper stoic manly fashion and you shall never know. We will hug as always, as I nurse my secret enduring pain.

    But, no kisses. Pineapplepizza cooties, y’know.


    Dear Ferd,

    Since I don’t recognize your handle… just so there’s no confusion…

    … the tweet (not mine) and my post about not buying John’s books were meant to be taken with exactly as much seriosity as one might expect.

    That is, none.

    pax / Ctein

    (Seriously, though, I really DO like anchovies.)

  34. I’m sorry to interrupt and be serious for a moment.

    There are a lot of us out there that identify as gamers, have issues with the way games are reported/discussed/marketed, and are nonetheless horrified at the GG nonsense. Of course it’s ridiculous. Of course it’s wrong. Of course it deserves your scorn. I don’t want to be the guy trying to salvage an issue despite the fact that it’s been associated with despicable, harassing behavior. Those issues obviously aren’t that important in light of that despicable behavior.

    I understand that as someone who doesn’t at all buy into the GG hype, I should edit myself out of the mockery. However, I can’t help but feel like as someone that does care about that aspect of the gaming industry, and even spends some time on reddit (seriously, it’s about as uniform as facebook), that I might not be welcome here at the moment. That’s kind of crappy, because I swing by here often to enjoy Scalzi’s posts and sometimes some comments.

    I just wanted to remind people that there are decent folk out here getting crapped on because some loud assholes decided to represent gamers to the rest of you. Please don’t let them.

  35. Vitamin C was first isolated from peppers (specifically, paprika). This is less surprising when you realize that its discoverer, Albert Szent-Györgi, was Hungarian.

    What he liked on his pizza, I have no idea.

  36. Yes, Scott, we are all well aware that Not All Gamers. That said, it’s not about you, ok?

    It’s about pizza.

  37. BW

    That voice of reason stuff doesn’t work with pineapplephobes; give them an inch and they’ll be attacking the right to take a pineapple to the prom!

  38. Stevie:

    I actually love pineapple on pizza. It’s the addition of ham that feels like a personal betrayal. #NotAllPizzasNeedMeat

  39. kat: Come to the dark side! Pineapple on your pizza and meat in your cookies!

    (PS: John, is it going to work for you to post the PB recipe? Folks over on twitter are asking for it.)

  40. Vitamin C doesn’t count in the tomato sauce. C is destroyed by heat. Some might remain in the pineapple, protected by it’s chunkiness.* Therefore it is anathema on pizza.

    *OK, probably not as it’s destroyed at temps as low as 70f. But it’s still ICK!

  41. Scott:

    Everybody who plays games is a gamer, which includes most of us here or we wouldn’t be very good at the mockery, now would we? The women these far-right extremists are attacking are mainly gamers and game developers. The entire idea of a “gamer” was made up by gaming companies’ PR departments anyway. You don’t get to claim the identity for yourself and worry that you’ll get persecuted for it here like it’s some kind of badge that has to be earned by the special gamer geek review board. That’s what those assholes are doing. (Remember, in any claimed leadership of geek tribaldom, Scalzi really does outrank you if there’s going to be gatekeeping. Which there isn’t.) Don’t join them, and stop worrying about a fake, made-up controversy about companies selling electronic toys to people.

    Instead, mock the pineapple! Because the pineapple on some pizzas is here to stay and no matter how angry it is at the anti-pineapple people, it’s not going to eat them.

  42. Ok, the acceptability of pineapple on pizza may be the first serious point of disagreement I’ve had with Mr. Scalzi (and I say this as someone raised and still living in the state of California). However, I’d like to point out that tomato is both a fruit and a vegetable! #NotAllFruits

  43. kat

    As a profoundly committed carnivore I must politely decline any pizza which does not involve bits of one or more dead animals:


  44. Stevie: if you were an actual carnivore, I would think you would decline any pizza at all. The crust, after all, whether thick or thin, is made from plant parts. As is almost all pizza sauce. #OmnivoresRule #YesAllPizzas #HashtagsInUselessPlaces

  45. “One pizza has cheese and olive and one has ham and pineapple”

    Everyone keeps saying this is about pineapple, but why is nobody talking about the olives??

    It’s a false flag to hide the insidious propagation of olives into every form of food. Does no one know they are an abomination?

    Just sayin’

  46. Greg

    Well, I’ve never eaten a live anchovy so please sign me up! Do we get a hashtag? And T-shirts?

    I appreciate that there are people who will report me as a crazed feminist demanding piscatorial genocide, but there are times when one has to stand up for one’s principles.

    Particularly when it comes to Pizza…

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