Author Cat is Authorial
Posted on January 6, 2015 Posted by John Scalzi 28 Comments
“What? Why yes, I am writing up a little something, just a novel that will forever change the way people — and by people I mean cats — think about the world, the universe, and existence itself. I call the novel Tuna With Thumbs. No, you can’t look at it. It’s not done, and anyway you’re a human. It just wouldn’t be the same.”
Everyone’s a writer in this house, it seems.
At least your cat does her own typing. Mine expect me to take dictation. But of course, they’re quite a bit older, so they don’t enjoy the technology so much.
One wonders about the use of the phrase “forever change”. The old proverb, “You cannot step into the same river twice.” Once you change something, you can change it back, but it’s not the same, although that’s more in the realm of philosophers than I care to delve. My three cats won’t go anywhere near a keyboard, unless it’s to chew on the cables.
Oh I just like it, meow!
I can has book advance?
That mouse tasted funny, particularly its VERY long tail…
If everyone in the house is a writer, regardless of biped or quadruped, I wonder what sort of writing Lopsided Cat does.
is it a How to blog on disemboweling squirrels, or is it something unexpectedly from his softer side?
My cat, Lucky, used to do blog post. She somehow would press submit and ok and post stuff I was composing before I was done. It was embarrassing. She died earlier this year. I miss her.
Everyone’s got at least one story in them, and maybe a furball.
BTW, does Ghlaghghee have a step or ramp or something to make it easier to get into the papasan chair? Might be needed at some point, if not already.
I have an IKEA footstool to make it easier for my cat to get on my bed. He’s healthy, but about 10 years old and was starting to have a little trouble getting up there.
My cat lies next to the keyboard and usually manages to press the Escape key right at the worst moment. *sigh*
My “writing partner” and I often disagree on the direction of a piece that I may be working on. He’s very talented at selecting large blocks of text and replacing them with cat words. He can close documents like a mofo too. Save early & save often, folks.
I have never understood why a keyboard looks like a comfortable napping place to a cat. It’s hard, it’s bumpy. I finally decided it had nothing to do with comfort, it was simply a desire to possess what was mine. Same logic applies to dog beds. All beds are hers, no dogs allowed.
One day, cats will rise up and rule the world. Shhh. (In their minds, they already do.)
“Everyone’s a writer …” – better than everyone being a critic :)!
Shades of “Space-Time for Springers” by Fritz Leiber? Also, has “authorial” essentially replaced the once-proper “auctorial”? Maybe among cats…
possibly inspired by the works of Gummitch, “The Encyclopedia of Odors, Anthropofeline Psychology, Invisible Signs and Secret Wonders, Space-Time for Springers, Slit Eyes Look at Life, et cetera.”
Ruth, the keyboard is higher than the desk. I think it was Walter Jon Williams who kept folding up a piece of paper to see how small he could make it with his cat still wanting to stand on it as a “vantage point.”
If you all have not read “The Silent Miow” by Paul Gallico, you should. Do not show it to your cats. Ours is in a plain brown paper wrapper.
“Meoi?” The modest, furry writer said, pointing an extremely sharp and pointy claw at herself.
I suspect cats find your keyboard enticing because it’s what we pay attention to rather than them, Ruth. When I get up in the mornings I usually sit at the dining room table with my (very thin&light) Macbook Air to answer e-mail and comment on blogs – Sluggo (https://scontent-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t31.0-8/1237275_10201849355774192_2030950107_o.jpg ), in particular, starts to rub her face most assiduously against the monitor and push the computer around, so I’ll pet her rather than it!
Ruth, I’m pretty sure mine like the warmth of my laptop. And, of course, when it’s on my lap when they get on the keyboard I absolutely must pay attention to them.
All my dog does is order from the Omaha Steaks web site with my credit card and not tell me. For a black Lab, he’s awfully passive-agressive.
@Ruth:
In the case of laptops, I assume it has less to do with the keyboard itself and more to do with the warm microprocessor underneath.
For anything else, though, I have not seen evidence to the contrary.
Cats must be the focus of human attention. If they are not, they will sit on the current focus. It’s why I have tooth marks on my laptop, and it sometimes ends up in screen configurations I didn’t know were possible.
Zeus, the real money in cat books is in poetry. See the sidebar on Medium Large here on WP.
I’d like to read Loppy’s book. He probably has a contract for “101 Uses For A Dead Rodent”. But his memoirs might be interesting.
What’s the dog write about? Lots of grass to romp on?
“Silent Meow” is a good book, but a better one – you’ll probably have to find a used copy of it as is long out of print – is “The Tao of Meow.”
Lurkertype – have you read Henry Beard’s Poetry for Cats? It is absolutely hilarious. My favourite is Hamlet’s Cat’s Soliloquy by William Shakespeare’s Cat.
Koshka used to love the XP starting-up chimes because it meant there was going to be a lap available for her. She got annoyed a few times because the lap dared to hit the power button and then walk into the kitchen to fix some iced tea while the computer started up.
I still miss her.
Excellent pic! Cats and writing, doesn’t get any better than that :) Ours curls up with us every night without fail right at bedtime story reading time in front of the woodstove. That is the ONLY time she will come around and grace us with her presence!