Standard Responses to Online Stupidity

Dear Citizens of the Internet: 

From time to time, in your ordinary exercise of the delights of the online world, you may find yourself accosted by clods. These oafish louts crave your time and attention, but in point of fact, life is short and you have better things to do.

For you, I have created this helpful numbered list of standard responses to online stupidity. When accosted, send the twit here to read the specific numbered response(s) relevant to them. Saves you time; alerts them they’re a jerk, and this is all the response they rate.

Use and enjoy.

  1. I don’t care what you think.
  2. I didn’t ask you.
  3. No doubt you thought that was terribly clever.
  4. You’ve attempted logic. Not all attempts succeed.
  5. One should not have that many errors in that few characters.
  6. Either your educators have failed you, or you have failed them.
  7. I see you’ve invited me to an argument. I decline.
  8. It appears an asshole has hacked your account and is posting in your name.
  9. Funny, most people go out of their way not to be a public bigot.
  10. Cosplaying as a tantrum-throwing child is no way to go through life.
  11. I’m sorry that you are so obviously scared of the world.
  12. My attention is a privilege, not a right. This is all you get.

1 Comments on “Standard Responses to Online Stupidity”

  1. Posting this as a resource, so turning off comments.

    With said, two additional points:

    1. This piece on Speech, Conversation, Debate, Engagement and Communication is relevant here.

    2. Remember that online you can usually mute or block people who aren’t worth your time or energy. On Twitter, I prefer to mute them; I like the idea of them not knowing they’re wasting their time yelling at me long after I’ve stopped listening.

    Also, yes, if you find the list applicable elsewhere then online, feel free to use it there, too.

%d bloggers like this: