66 Comments on “Best Dad Ever”

1. There are far worse ways for a young lady to become famous.

2. Dear Athena. There is help available. Reach out.

3. Just sent this to my dad so I’m expecting an angry text from my baby sister (15) in 3…2…1…

   (not that he needs help in the embarrassing her in front oh her friends department, but he always appreciates a good idea)

4. Poor Athena. I am totally laughing my ass off at you and your father

5. Athena … don’t worry … it gets worse. At some point even the best dads tend to feel a need to share your infant naked baby pictures at the dinner table. But, despite all feelings to the contrary, there’s no evidence to suggest that mortification can actually be terminal.

   All daughters survive this. I promise.

6. She probably had higher, or certainly different, expectations for Pi Day celebrations. Oh well.

7. Sir, I am inspired by your example. I shall bestow on my 17 year-old daughter and her friends the full range of my sartorial genius–Crocs, old jeans (relaxed fit) and a Batman shirt–and my scintillating wit. She’ll love it!

8. IDK, with the beard and bathrobe, you’re kinda rocking an “old hermit that’s secretly a Jedi” vibe. So you could go Full Dude and start dispensing sage wisdom.

9. Triple points if Athena ever has friends over AGAIN.

10. Ha!!!

11. You should sing Weird Al Star Wars filk songs.

12. No knife, guns or badge.. Just a ukelele? Sir, you have won Dad of the Year in intimidating a potential suitor. Congrats!!!

13. Extra bonus points if you made one of Athena’s friends hold the camera!

14. Joseph Finn:

    Well of course I did.

15. A parent should start collecting blackmail and embarrassing pictures of one’s children from day 0 to use when the children hit the teens. Keep secret the ones to use for first dates (hehe).

16. I eagerly await my daughter’s adolescence. Wait, no I don’t.

17. I eagerly await embarrassing my daughter (and my sons!) as we all survive their adolescence. There. That’s better.

18. Dear Athena,

    Adults will tell you, “someday you’ll look back on this and smile at the memory.”

    Adults are liars. Pants fully on fire.

19. It will be most interesting, 20 years from now, to read the studies in the psychology journals about the damaging effects of adults’ social media behavior on their offspring. For her sake, I certainly hope that Athena will not be one of the case studies.

    But it’s not looking good for the home team.

20. The most embarassed my son got was completely inadvertant on my part. I’d taken him and his college friend out for lunch and was telling a story from my college days. Friend exlaimed “You’re so cool!”, turned to son and said “You have the coolest mom ever!” Son nearly sunk through the floor. I periodically remind him that he has a cool mom. :)

21. Wow, I went through the adolescence of four daughters and I never had the nerve to go Triple Bonus Full Dad. Your Dadliness is an inspiration, sir.

22. Wasn’t there a mustelid uprising the last time you were the best dad ever?

23. This is not an admission that comes easily to me, but on mature reflection I must admit that yes, you are, in fact, the Best Dad Ever.

    Signed affidavits available upon request.

24. So funny!
    Dana Guidera

25. You need a bigger foofier couch, so that Athena and her friends can sink farther into it to escape THE HORROR.

26. I think I hurt myself laughing.

27. I hope she’s in a big school so she can replace the friends you run off.

28. The absolutely best part is Athena’s couchmate’s expression.

29. Fremdschämen. That’s what Athena’s pal is experiencing.

30. Thank you. Because from now on, anytime my kids complain that I’m embarrassing them, I can always threaten to break out the pajama pants and the ukulele. I can probably get their father to join in with the banjo.

31. Sorry, but still have to rank you below cartoonist Mike Peters.

    Peters is a huge Superman fan. At one point, his wife either made or had made a really good Superman outfit for him to wear on Halloween.

    The first time he used it after that didn’t involve his kids. See below though, since it was an even cooler use of it.

    The second time was when his 13-14ish daughter forgot her homework. She called home and made the mistake of asking her father to “bring it as fast as you possibly can” or similar.

    Yep. He walks into her class with her homework…in the Superman outfit going “You told me to get it here as fast as I could, so I just flew over…” or similar.

    So, afraid he outscores you for 1) even worse choice of outfit 2) not just in front of a friend or two, but a whole class 3) he actually was doing her a favor in the process.

    The first time he used it after Halloween was at work. He was the staff cartoonist for the Dayton Daily News, and got there very early relative to the morning editorial meeting. Before anyone got in the room, he went in, changed into the Superman outfit, and then climbed out the window and stood on the several floors up ledge. A few minutes after the meeting started, he came through the window and curtains and walked through the room, tossing off a “Sorry I’m late, there was heavy air traffic over Cleveland” as he went.

32. ♫♫”You. Got what I neeeeeeed. But you say he’s just a friend. But you say he’s just a friendOH BABY YOU! Got what I neeeeeeeeeed…”♫♪

33. cavyherd:

    The absolutely best part is Athena’s couchmate’s expression.

    Yep. Clenched lips to resist gales of helpless laughter. Brilliant.

34. Remember who picks your old folks home… you really need to get that in writing NOW, before she gets control of the choice.

35. I once heard Neil Gaiman talk about his home life. One of his daughters made the choice to get involved with the goth subculture at her local school. So she has her friends around one day, and he walks in and says hi. The goths started blushing and stammering, awestruck at being in the presence of the great Gaiman. And the daughter just stewed in embarrassment.

    So it could be worse for Athena. Unless there’s a really pathetic subculture of sf geeks who worship the “Old Man’s War” universe she wants to run with…

36. I’m not sure the term “Best Dad Ever” applies in this case. Maybe “Parent I wish wasn’t mine at this exact moment” is a better category? ;-)

37. I nearly woke up my girlfriend I was laughing so hard. This is great. :)

38. Dear Athena – please, if you have not already done so, read Robert Heinlein’s ‘The Star Beast’. You’ll find a particularly useful concept there – children divorcing their parents. Good luck, and remember, trauma is curable.

39. @Julie..I totally agree with you, hahaha

40. My dad used to lounge around the house in his underwear. Year round. He did make our friends go home before disrobing at least.

41. Glad to see I’m not the only person who remembered that children usually choose the nursing home for their parents…

42. But were there any Dad Jokes?

43. This might be my favorite post of yours, ever.

44. John. YOU are my hero. I bow before you. No really, I am actually bowing while typing this with my right hand. Really. Hero.

45. Oh, my. This will give Athena more couch-cred (the suburban teen’s equivalent of street cred) than anything else her father might have done on short notice on a Saturday. She is now primed to take over an entire high school subculture on the basis of her awful home life.

    What, you’ve never seen teenagers at a lunch table, or on Faceplant, one-upping (-downing?) each other on their tough home lives? The “winner” is the one in the subgroup who can convince everyone else not just that they’ve got it worst, but that it’s so bad the parent(s) revel in it.

46. Tamora Pierce wishes you to know you’ve probably stunted your daughter’s maturation with that one, Scalzi!

47. I disagree, she’ probably aged ten years in five minutes, and is planning to go far far away to college, maybe overseas, then a career in New Zealand!

48. I disagree, she’ probably aged ten years in five minutes, and is planning to go far far away to college, maybe overseas, then a career in New Zealand!

    Because NZ males are renowned for their sophistication and charm, and would never embarras their womenfolk?

    Riiiiight

49. Athena’s going to choose your nursing home one of these days. Truly, revenge is a dish best served cold.

50. Don’t be surprised, John, if something strange shows up in your breakfast cereal some morning (playing off Kevin’s remark earlier).

51. There will be paybacks! I can suggest a few.

52. There had better have been a Dad Dance whilst playing that ukulele :)

53. That picture is in great company, genre-ically speaking. Which Mallory Ortberg has skewered with her usual genius.

    (See also, 4th picture down)

54. Funny. Made my morning. You’re so damn cool, Scalzi.

55. LOL!!! Too funny.

56. BTW what were you singing?

57. I have a couple of guy friends with freshly minted daughters. I think I’ll forward this, with the note, “You may want to start collecting ideas now.”

58. Also, Athena, let us not forget: there are options.

59. The bare feet truly make it special. Even the dog is hanging his (?) head in shame…

60. Poor, poor Athena…

61. Oh God. And I thought my father wearing a beanbag frog doorstop as his new toupee was bad…

62. The faces absolutely sell it in that picture.

63. where did you get the ukulele on short notice? maybe you actually do in-home performances on a regular basis?

64. Thanks, John. Now my daughter is jealous and wants *me* to learn ukelele.

65. I saw this exchange and photo on twitter and loved it! The photo is yet another brilliant one from the Scalzi compound.

    I think most everyone gets it, but there are a few commenters who sound slightly concerned; someone specifically said “It will be most interesting, 20 years from now, to read the studies in the psychology journals about the damaging effects of adults’ social media behavior on their offspring.”

    To re-assure anyone who thinks that Athena is genuinely mortified or upset here (or her likeness is being taken advantage of): photography is a hobby of both John and Athena. They enjoy taking and posting pictures of each other, sometimes goofy, sometimes not. This has all the hallmarks of a posed silly picture posted (successfully) on the internet for yucks, with the participation and enthusiam for all involved.

66. John,

    My daughter turns 11 today. Recently she has started to be embarrassed by me when we are out and about. This is not terribly surprising considering her age and my goofiness. I surprised my cubicle neighbors today and cried a little when I read this post. Thank you for entertaining me through the years with your novels and Whatever. This one is going on the fridge.

    Cheers,

    Dillon