Best Dad Ever

So this happened tonight:

And thus:

Oh, yeah. Best dad ever.

66 Comments on “Best Dad Ever”

  1. Maia Rose – A queer FilAm SFF, hockey, food and beer loving geeky Chicago denizen who spends too much time on the internets. Good thing none of you can judge. On twitter as semirose spouting nonsense 20/7

    Just sent this to my dad so I’m expecting an angry text from my baby sister (15) in 3…2…1…

    (not that he needs help in the embarrassing her in front oh her friends department, but he always appreciates a good idea)

  2. Athena … don’t worry … it gets worse. At some point even the best dads tend to feel a need to share your infant naked baby pictures at the dinner table. But, despite all feelings to the contrary, there’s no evidence to suggest that mortification can actually be terminal.

    All daughters survive this. I promise.

  3. Sir, I am inspired by your example. I shall bestow on my 17 year-old daughter and her friends the full range of my sartorial genius–Crocs, old jeans (relaxed fit) and a Batman shirt–and my scintillating wit. She’ll love it!

  4. IDK, with the beard and bathrobe, you’re kinda rocking an “old hermit that’s secretly a Jedi” vibe. So you could go Full Dude and start dispensing sage wisdom.

  5. No knife, guns or badge.. Just a ukelele? Sir, you have won Dad of the Year in intimidating a potential suitor. Congrats!!!

  6. A parent should start collecting blackmail and embarrassing pictures of one’s children from day 0 to use when the children hit the teens. Keep secret the ones to use for first dates (hehe).

  7. I eagerly await embarrassing my daughter (and my sons!) as we all survive their adolescence. There. That’s better.

  8. Dear Athena,

    Adults will tell you, “someday you’ll look back on this and smile at the memory.”

    Adults are liars. Pants fully on fire.

  9. It will be most interesting, 20 years from now, to read the studies in the psychology journals about the damaging effects of adults’ social media behavior on their offspring. For her sake, I certainly hope that Athena will not be one of the case studies.

    But it’s not looking good for the home team.

  10. The most embarassed my son got was completely inadvertant on my part. I’d taken him and his college friend out for lunch and was telling a story from my college days. Friend exlaimed “You’re so cool!”, turned to son and said “You have the coolest mom ever!” Son nearly sunk through the floor. I periodically remind him that he has a cool mom. :)

  11. Wow, I went through the adolescence of four daughters and I never had the nerve to go Triple Bonus Full Dad. Your Dadliness is an inspiration, sir.

  12. This is not an admission that comes easily to me, but on mature reflection I must admit that yes, you are, in fact, the Best Dad Ever.

    Signed affidavits available upon request.

  13. Thank you. Because from now on, anytime my kids complain that I’m embarrassing them, I can always threaten to break out the pajama pants and the ukulele. I can probably get their father to join in with the banjo.

  14. Sorry, but still have to rank you below cartoonist Mike Peters.

    Peters is a huge Superman fan. At one point, his wife either made or had made a really good Superman outfit for him to wear on Halloween.

    The first time he used it after that didn’t involve his kids. See below though, since it was an even cooler use of it.

    The second time was when his 13-14ish daughter forgot her homework. She called home and made the mistake of asking her father to “bring it as fast as you possibly can” or similar.

    Yep. He walks into her class with her homework…in the Superman outfit going “You told me to get it here as fast as I could, so I just flew over…” or similar.

    So, afraid he outscores you for 1) even worse choice of outfit 2) not just in front of a friend or two, but a whole class 3) he actually was doing her a favor in the process.

    The first time he used it after Halloween was at work. He was the staff cartoonist for the Dayton Daily News, and got there very early relative to the morning editorial meeting. Before anyone got in the room, he went in, changed into the Superman outfit, and then climbed out the window and stood on the several floors up ledge. A few minutes after the meeting started, he came through the window and curtains and walked through the room, tossing off a “Sorry I’m late, there was heavy air traffic over Cleveland” as he went.

  15. ♫♫”You. Got what I neeeeeeed. But you say he’s just a friend. But you say he’s just a friendOH BABY YOU! Got what I neeeeeeeeeed…”♫♪

  16. cavyherd:

    The absolutely best part is Athena’s couchmate’s expression.

    Yep. Clenched lips to resist gales of helpless laughter. Brilliant.

  17. I once heard Neil Gaiman talk about his home life. One of his daughters made the choice to get involved with the goth subculture at her local school. So she has her friends around one day, and he walks in and says hi. The goths started blushing and stammering, awestruck at being in the presence of the great Gaiman. And the daughter just stewed in embarrassment.

    So it could be worse for Athena. Unless there’s a really pathetic subculture of sf geeks who worship the “Old Man’s War” universe she wants to run with…

  18. I’m not sure the term “Best Dad Ever” applies in this case. Maybe “Parent I wish wasn’t mine at this exact moment” is a better category? ;-)

  19. Dear Athena – please, if you have not already done so, read Robert Heinlein’s ‘The Star Beast’. You’ll find a particularly useful concept there – children divorcing their parents. Good luck, and remember, trauma is curable.

  20. Bea – Baguio City, Philippines – I'm just a simple person and definitely shy. I usually like to be alone most of the time checking my facebook and twitter accounts. I spend my day reading and writing stories in my wattpad account. Reading and writing articles, songs and poems are my passion! They said i'm a boring person. But who cares, right? Know me before judging me, haha.

    @Julie..I totally agree with you, hahaha

  21. Glad to see I’m not the only person who remembered that children usually choose the nursing home for their parents…

  22. Oh, my. This will give Athena more couch-cred (the suburban teen’s equivalent of street cred) than anything else her father might have done on short notice on a Saturday. She is now primed to take over an entire high school subculture on the basis of her awful home life.

    What, you’ve never seen teenagers at a lunch table, or on Faceplant, one-upping (-downing?) each other on their tough home lives? The “winner” is the one in the subgroup who can convince everyone else not just that they’ve got it worst, but that it’s so bad the parent(s) revel in it.

  23. timeliebe – Central NY – Dreaded Spouse-Creature to bestselling fantasy author Tamora Pierce (SONG OF THE LIONESS, THE CIRCLE OPENS, BEKA COOPER: A TORTALL LEGEND series), a co-author of TORTALL: A SPY'S GUIDE, Co-author with Tamora Pierce of Marvel's WHITE TIGER: A HERO'S OBSESSION for Marvel Comics. Contributing Editor for VIDEO Magazine during the 1990s, Columnist for C/Net 1999 - 2002.

    Tamora Pierce wishes you to know you’ve probably stunted your daughter’s maturation with that one, Scalzi!

  24. I disagree, she’ probably aged ten years in five minutes, and is planning to go far far away to college, maybe overseas, then a career in New Zealand!

  25. I disagree, she’ probably aged ten years in five minutes, and is planning to go far far away to college, maybe overseas, then a career in New Zealand!

    Because NZ males are renowned for their sophistication and charm, and would never embarras their womenfolk?


  26. Don’t be surprised, John, if something strange shows up in your breakfast cereal some morning (playing off Kevin’s remark earlier).

  27. I have a couple of guy friends with freshly minted daughters. I think I’ll forward this, with the note, “You may want to start collecting ideas now.”

  28. longeyesamurai – I have transferred here from Vox (where I was known as Caprandom and La Canneberge Masquée) when it went all Atlantis on us. My unofficial title at work is Corporate Troubleshooter at BigMediaCo cable tv outfit, trying to stay one step ahead of my mouth ... Aside from being probably the world expert on divination through Magic: the Gathering cards, here's a (partial) list of my varied interests: 2 Frères, Alan Moore, Alicia Keys, anime, archaeology, Ariana Grande, art, Bachman Turner Overdrive, baseball, beaches, Bebe Rexha, Bernie Krause, Beyoncé, biking, Billy Idol, Billy Joel, biology, Bob Marley, books, Britney Spears, Bruno Mars, Bryan Adams, Buffy, cars, cats, Celine Dion, cheese, Chicago, Coeur de Pirate, Coldplay, computer, computers, concerts, cthulhu, Dan Gibson, David Bowie, David Usher, Dire Straits, Disturbed, Don Henley, Douglas Quin, dpchallenge, dragons, Drake, Duran Duran, Eagles, economics, Eddie Money, Ed Sheeran, Electric Light Orchestra, Ellie Goulding, Elton John, Eminem, Enrique Iglesias, Eric Lapointe, fantasy, Fiona Apple, Fleetwood Mac, Flo Rida, Foo Fighters, food, football, Foreigner, Frank Sinatra, Ghostbusters, Halsey, Heart, history, hockey, Huey Lewis and the News, ice cream, illustration, Ima, Imagine Dragons, intelligence, Japan, Jean-Jacques Goldman, Jerome Couture, Johnny Depp, Joseph Edgar, Journey, jrock, Judas Priest, Katy Perry, Keith Urban, King Melrose, Kiss, Kylie Minogue, Lady Gaga, landscapes, learning, Led Zeppelin, Les Soeurs Boulay, Life, Linkin Park, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Madonna, Magic!, Mariah Carey, Marie-Mai, Maroon 5, Mary J Blige, Matchbox Twenty, Meghan Trainor, Mika, Mother Goose Club, movies, music, Natasha St-Pier, nature, Neil Gaiman, Nirvana, No Doubt, Norah Jones, Oasis, One Direction, Pat Benatar, Patricia Kaas, people, Phil Collins, photography, Pierre Lapointe, Pink, Pink Floyd, poetry, pop, Prince, Queen, Radiohead, reading, remodelling, Richard Anthony, Rod Stewart, roleplaying, Roxette, Rush, Sam Smith, Sara Bareilles, Sarah McLachlan, Selena Gomez, Serge Gainsbourg, Shaggy, Shakira, Shawn Mendes, Sheryl Crow, Shinedown, Sia, Simple Plan, sleep, sleeping, Slipknot, soccer, Steely Dan, Steve Winwood, Sting, Stray Cats, Styx, sushi, theater, The Chainsmokers, The Cure, The Rolling Stones, The Weeknd, Tori Amos, travel, travelling, Tricot Machine, TV, U2, Usher, video, Vulgaires Machins, words, writing, Yann Perreau, Zayn

    Poor, poor Athena…

  29. I saw this exchange and photo on twitter and loved it! The photo is yet another brilliant one from the Scalzi compound.

    I think most everyone gets it, but there are a few commenters who sound slightly concerned; someone specifically said “It will be most interesting, 20 years from now, to read the studies in the psychology journals about the damaging effects of adults’ social media behavior on their offspring.”

    To re-assure anyone who thinks that Athena is genuinely mortified or upset here (or her likeness is being taken advantage of): photography is a hobby of both John and Athena. They enjoy taking and posting pictures of each other, sometimes goofy, sometimes not. This has all the hallmarks of a posed silly picture posted (successfully) on the internet for yucks, with the participation and enthusiam for all involved.

  30. John,

    My daughter turns 11 today. Recently she has started to be embarrassed by me when we are out and about. This is not terribly surprising considering her age and my goofiness. I surprised my cubicle neighbors today and cried a little when I read this post. Thank you for entertaining me through the years with your novels and Whatever. This one is going on the fridge.



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