Novel Completion Queries, Day Four
Posted on March 19, 2015 Posted by John Scalzi 245 Comments
Is the novel finished? NO
Today’s question: Cheese or beer. You must choose one. When you choose one, you are never allowed to have the other again. Which do you choose? (Note: no “cheese made from beer” or “beer made from cheese” loopholes allowed.) Explain your answer if you wish.
Yes, it’s a hard choice. It’s supposed to be hard.
My answer: I don’t drink alcohol at all, so this one is easy for me: Cheese, please.
Oh easy. Cheese. Cheese all day long. Which I will then have with wine.
As much as I love me some beer, I think I’m going to have to go with cheese. I don’t think my life would be complete without cheese.
But then I don’t like beer, so this is really not a hard question.
I love both. I think I would choose beer, partly because I make my own. I haven’t made my own cheese…yet.
Definitely cheese. There are so many varieties and so many different ways to eat it. I agree with Charissa, I don’t think my life would be complete without cheese.
that isn’t really fair since Cheese in so much. Beer v. Pizza, Lasagna, Tacos, Casseroles, Enchiladas, Cheeseburgers, etc.
Now if it is cheese by itself v. beer by itself, giving up Cheese. But as far as using it as an ingredient, can’t give up cheese.
Beer is gross, cheese is awesome.
I’m with you, John. Beer is a waste of good water and grain, cheese can be divine.
Easy choice, cheese.
With wine , cider and perry still to drink with my cheese, the beer goes.
It seems like a tough choice, but cheese is the easy winner here. Without beer, I could still drink cider & distilled beverages (please don’t throw me in that briar patch). Without cheese, I would be stuck with fake cheeses – ugh.
Cheese. I’m an alcoholic who has not had a drink for over 7 years now.
Cheese, hands-down. If it were Cheese vs Alcohol in General, I might find this to be a harder decision because I link certain occasions very strongly with the consumption of specific alcoholic beverages (mimosas on Christmas Morning, Pina Colada on the beach), but even then I think it would be easier to swap out a non-booze version (sparkling orange juice is a thing!) than to give up cheese. Cheese is awesome.
Years ago, this would have been a harder question. I do enjoy good beer, and I do make my own occasionally, but I don’t get to drink it very often these days. That means I’d feel its loss less keenly if I had to choose now. Also, my three-year-old loves cheese and I’d hate to miss out on sharing it with him.
Cheese. Beer is icky. And cheese goes better with wine anyway. Though I will admit it might be sad to give up a good beer bread. Meh, I’ll live.
Cheese – I rarely drink beer anymore, preferring cider, but even if I had to choose cheese or any alcoholic beverage, I would still go with cheese. But then if you had asked me this question in my 20’s, I probably would have answered the opposite.
As with many others, I am not a fan of beer, and love many types of cheese so the choice is easy… Cheese!
I very rarely drink anymore so bring in the stinky cheese.
Cheese. There are alternatives to beer, but no alternatives to cheese.
Beer! Cheese makes you fat!
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.
A. E. Housman, A Shropshire Lad
I like beer, but I love cheese. As long as I can still have wine (btw, barley wine is a thing, you know), I’d choose cheese over beer.
Cheese, because hey, there’s always bourbon..
Cheese. I definitely (and forever) will choose cheese.
I love beer…and my first reaction was to keep it. But it only took a second for me to revise that stance. I like cheese by itself and I love pizza and the food of the SW U.S. (chili, tacos, fajitas…) and cheese is such an integral part of this food.
So as many of the respondents have said…I would drop the beer, keep the cheese, and then continue to explore my wine and cheese pairings…
Beer. Hate cheese and all cheese related products anyway.
I could probably start drinking wine again, or drink more rum based drinks, so if forced, I’d go with cheese. But I’d continue to stalk the beer section of the grocery store, showing up at inappropriate times, breaking in at night just to rub the condensation off a bottle of Anchor Steam with my knuckle. I’d google up where that 30-pack of Coors Light was going with those two blonde girls. I’d send threatening notes to those hipsters toting out four bottles of Pliny the Elder.
Cheese. It is necessary for life. Of course reflux has already blocked beer for me making it a non-choice.
I’ve never understood the attraction of beer. Cheese, with an appropriate wine.
I’m allergic to milk products, so beer.
Man, if only all of my major life decisions were this easy.
Yr. friendly local beer-loving lactose-intolerant person desires to know: Is this a trick question?
I’m with you John. I don’t drink and love cheese so cheese it is.
Cheese, because whiskey is already the breath of life for me.
Cheese. Because beer tastes horrible.
Looks like cheese in a landslide. As it should be. There is no substitute for cheese.
I’m struck by the sheer number of people who are not only choosing cheese over beer, but doing it with practically zero hesitation. While I agree that, as far as I’m concerned, beer tastes vile and the world would only be improved if it were gone, I’m also very much in the “cheese is OK, but if it were gone I’d not really miss it much” camp. And I had always thought that lots of other people actually liked beer. At least, they always *tell* me that they really like beer. But when push comes to shove, it looks like most people will immediately pick what I regard as an “OK but not essential” food over beer.
Which suggests to me that, in fact, people mostly *don’t* actually like beer that much.
I like beer. I really like beer. But, dude, seriously? Cheese.
It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in my disliking of beer. Everywhere else, I am met with derision. Cheese all the way, baby!
assuming Root Beer is exempt, I would choose cheese because I can live without beer especially since I prefer wine or bourbon.
I love me my beer and since I can’t eat cheese that makes the brew the clear cut winner in my books :)
Beer, Enough beer and I would forget cheese, at least for a bit. The reverse is not true.
Cheese. I live in the wine country. We drink a lot more wine than beer (when I drink which is rarely)…
There’s always cider when you can’t have beer, so cheese it is!
I love both. For beers there are so many to choose from: pale ales, stouts, brown ales, cream ales, all those cool fruity-brewed versions, and even the occasional lager. Mmmm.
But I also love cheeses from those smokey cheddars of England to Spanish manchego and Greek feta.
Which would I forsake for the other? A cruel choice. Were I in such a despicable predicament, it would have to be beer. Why? There would still be wine! Crianza! There is nothing that could hope to replace cheese though. So, there you have it.
What Kilroy said … can’t go without cheese on pizza, lasagna or a burger.
Oh yes, and like Ron Hogan points out, there is still cider (as well as many other spirits).
Cheese, and a good single malt please, Oban if it’s available
As long as mead is considered wine and not beer, Easy I’m Cheesy!
If I have to give up mead, too? I’ll miss the bees, but please, give me Cheese.
Damn that’s painful.
my choice is still cheese.
Another cheese-chooser here. I like beer just fine, but I don’t drink it often enough to miss it. I would miss brie and having mozzarella on pizza and provolone on sandwiches.
Also an easy choice here as I also don’t drink :) – so cheese it is.
Cheese, easily, just because it’s such a staple for me in recipes. I can live without beer. (There’s plenty other alcohol I can enjoy, like whiskey and wine.)
Since I’m not one of the mutants who can digest lactose after puberty, I think I have to pick beer by default. But if I could get rid of this pesky lactose intolerance (the pills don’t work for me, either), cheese all the way. I miss it so much, and with my soy allergy, soy-free dairy-free “cheese” just isn’t the same. I still have a bite or two from time to time when I figure it’s worth being sick the rest of the night, usually if manchego is involved.
CHEESE IS LIFE.
The “cheese or___” conversation happens frequently among my friends and I, and cheese always wins out. I’m so glad there are many others that agree.
Like so many others of you, I don’t drink alcohol at all, so cheese it is. Of course a life without cheese is almost as horrible to contemplate as a life without chocolate.
Yeah I don’t drink beer either. Definitely cheese.
Cheese. Easy. I mean, I like beer, but only once in a while. Cheese is more important to my usual routines.
Now, if the choice had been “cheese or scotch,” I may have had some trouble.
CHEESE!!! I don’t drink beer (don’t drink much at all) and my life would literally stop if I lost the ability to eat cheese. I have celiacs, so I already lost bread (I know, there are gluten free breads out there, and they’re *okay* but for an Irish/Italian girl, there is no bread like *real* bread. The more gluteny the better) and we were just talking the other day about a friend who can no longer eat dairy at all, and I said (still true) that if you took my cheese and my raw goat milk away from me, I would need medicine for depression and counseling. No joke.
Wow, who would have guessed that the Whateverati were such an anti-beer crowd? Personally, as much as I like cheese (and I’ve been known to consume mass quantities), beer would be the better lifestyle choice. After all, beer is an important part of a balanced breakfast.
CHEESE. Unlike beer, it goes with ANYthing. Beer only goes with most things.
I would give up beer. There are so many more types of alcoholic beverages that giving up all cheese would be a disproportionate sacrifice.
But the difference is that I love beer!
Craft brewing is a pretty huge deal in Michigan. We get to taste a ton of different beers.
If it was “cheese” vs. large scale, corporate beer (i.e. Buttwipers, Miller, Coors, PBR etc.), then cheese would be an easy choice.
But given the breadth of beers to be experienced, I’ll take beer!
That decision is moderated by the foods I eschewed as part of my effort to peel off a few unnecessary pounds.
By “foods”, I mean pizza, pasta, fast foods, burgers, and pretty much anything that has a remote possibility of including cheese. Low fat and low carb is my approach.
By “a few” I mean 60 so that my BMI is now approaching the normal range. Down to 27.1 from 35.6. 25 is the objective.
Of course, given the carbs in most beers, I have to limit that to a reasonable number per week.
Its still early — 10:45 on the east coast — and the beer drinkers aren’t yet reading blogs. We are a late rising crowd, owing to the headaches.
Beer. I’d keep beer.
Cheese is delightful, and I ate some this morning. But beer? Its the best of all alcohols, the beginning of all human civilization, and the best way to make friends and influence people.
Cheese .. is milk allowed to spoil in just the right way.
Sigh… tough choice, but I’d have to stick with cheese, mainly because it is an ingredient in so many recipes. Besides, as has been pointed out there are many alternatives to beer. and there are plenty of them being made locally for me now. lol.
Definitely keeping cheese. I prefer wine over beer, so I could get by with wine and cheese.
While I like beer with some foods, I can get by with wine for most, and I can give up sauerkraut along with beer (or iced tea works with it OK, if not as well). I couldn’t stand the idea of never having cheese again. But I’m glad I don’t actually have to make that choice.
Cheese. I love both, but life without cheese?
Besides, there is always whisky.
“So I curtailed my walpoling activities, sallied forth and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.”
I don’t care how fucking runny it is.
Because there’s a plethora of other alcohol related products out there.
Cheese (and lactase works fine for this non-mutant). With wine or without.
Cheese. Absolutely no contest. I don’t think I go a day without cheese, and I never drink beer.
Don’t drink, never have, so yeah I go with cheese all the way. If you eliminate beer, you just get rid of beer. If you eliminate cheese, you don’t have pizza, cheesecake, stuffed potatoes, omelets, smothered hash browns, Cincinnati chili, french onion soup, etc.
I’ve always operated under the theory that cheese is one of the four major food groups. Frankly, if you can’t put cheese, bacon, and garlic in something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, what’s the point?
Cheese, please. I also am a non-imbiber. Life would be so empty without some Muenster. It would be no gouda.
Beer. I can live without cheese. Living without beer sounds like a cruel, cruel fate indeed.
Another non-imbiber here. Cheese.
I am also certain my ENTIRE family would concur.
Cheese, beer you can replace with other alcohol goodness. No cheese rules out pizza and all melted cheese. Unacceptable.
I’m from the Upper Midwest, so this is like asking me to decide which of my pets I love best. I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’ll pick cheese. I adore beer, but I think I could learn to replace it with wine. Some of my best recipes involve cheese, and it would be a lot harder for me to learn to live without that. Plus, never having pizza again sounds dreadful.
Cheeeeeeeeeeeeese…wonderful wonderful cheese.
Cheese! I haven’t met a beer I like enough to give up cheese.
I feel like I’m cheating a bit when I answer cheese, since I don’t drink, but truthfully there are precious few foods that cheese would not beat. John Cheese is my favorite Cracked columnist. Cheese makes group photos happy. Cheese almost makes Chuck E. tolerable.
A giant animatronic rat, you say? sounds awful.
His name is “Cheese”? Well, I guess I could at least say hello….
I pretty much hate all beer, so cheese. I would die withhout chin my diet.
Not really a fair question, as it discriminates against drinkers by forcing them to choose, Scalzi. Since you don’t drink (as I don’t), that means it’s not really a choice for us, is it?
As a recovering alcoholic, my choice is easy – Cheese, of course.
I do enjoy beer, especially the local craft brews. On the other paw, I also like hard cider, so cheese it is.
This is not even close. Beer by miles. I appreciate the art of cheese but beer is one the major food groups.
Whoever wins, beer cheese soup loses.
I recently had to give up beer (yay celiac yaaaaaaay) and I have not missed it once because there are plenty of other options in the world to drink. I was also supposed to give up dairy but– no. Nope. I tried four different kinds of non-dairy cheese and NOPE. (Yes I tried that Daiya stuff and NOPE).
Cheese, without question.
Cheese. I can always drink wine. or scotch!
How dare you
Not a beer fan. Don’t eat much cheese after a heart procedure last November, but don’t want the option removed. That said, I would give up either before Worcestershire sauce, which is the nectar of the gods.
As much as I love a really good Belgian beer (especially trappist triples!) I have to go cheese here with zero thought!
Cheese. I have to have cheese. No question, not even close. I don’t mind beer, but if I had to choose between beer and just Gouda, I would still take the gouda.
Cheese. Cheese and bread for the rest of my life. I could go country to country and never tire of it. Beer is … less interesting.
Cheese, you procrastinating doofus, cheese! Now back to writing with you!
Cheese. I don’t really like most beer, anyway, I prefer a nice, dry cider.
Cheese, always cheese. Please, not a tough choice.
Beer is gross, cheese is delicious. No choice at all. I’d probably still go cheese if it was cheese vs all alcoholic drinks.
(and yes I’ve tried some ‘good ones’ still gross)
Much as I love a good hoppy ale … cheese. There’s always wine and whiskey, both of which can pair wonderfully with cheese. But life without cheese? Impossible. Cheese plates, cheese on sandwiches, cheese in soups, cheese in casseroles, cheese in sauces, cheese dips, cheese fondue, sweet dessert cheeses, cheese-eggs for breakfast, cheese omelets, cow cheese, goat cheese, buffalo cheese, sheep cheese …. and yes, beer-washed cheese! (There’s an artisanal beer-washed soft cheese made in Vermont called the Winnimere that’s only available in the spring and that is AMAZING!)
What’s that you say? Is it possible that I have a cheese problem? Nonsense. I can stop anytime I want …. maybe.
Tough call, but cheese. Agree with some of the other above, if it were cheese or alcohol, it would be different. But if I can still have a glass of wine or occasional margarita, I think I could give up beer.
I am lactose intolerant, so beer, but mostly because of Guiness.
Which I just noticed I spelled wrong. Obviously I am not a big drinker, but I still would choose a good, full bodied beer over the less than fun after effects of milk products on my digestive system.
Cheese, which pairs nicely with wine. Preferably a nice Spanish red.
Really, you don’t drink?! Ever?! You seem like the kind of guy who would fun to have a drink or two with. Perhaps some gourmet coffee. I like coffee.
Not anti-beer – PRO-CHEESE! (how can one survive without nachos or quesadillas?
Without hesitation, cheese.
Most beer tastes like it’s been run through the Clydesdales.
A few beers (e.g. Guinness) are tolerable to interesting, but none essential.
A difficult, almost impossible decision, but for one thing: My wife doesn’t drink beer, but does like cheese.
With the greatest reluctance, and in the interests of domestic tranquility, I would transfer my beer consumption to cider, wine, and distilled beverages.
I have often said (well, twice. Twice is “often”, right?) that if I could safely and healthily live on bread and cheese, I would. I could give up meat (and Iove meat), because sour dough bread and a big chunk of brie is approaching the event horizon of delicious.
I also have a minor medical condition that means I’m allowed very little alcohol (which sucks, because I love beer. It’s yummy).
I’ll take the cheese.
Don’t like beer, so cheese for me.
Cheese turns my stomach. I’m not lactose-intolerant, I just really hate cheese. I have met exactly one other person like this (not a relative!) and I usually get the hairy eyeball when I mention it, so feel free. Beer.
I think someone in Wisconsin just had an aneurism considering that question, from the lack of responses I see.
Going to have to go with beer. I make both beer and cheese, but for me I enjoy so much of a broader spectrum of beer than I do cheese. While I love melty gruyere, and adore 3 year old cheddar, it is so hard to beat a properly aged Flanders Red or the aroma in a west coast IPA.
The harder question would really be beer or coffee. While I am not addicted to beer, no really! I don’t need a twelve step program, and I know that you’re all here because you love me. But I couldn’t make it without coffee, my world would come crashing down around me in a pathetic heap of mopey, headachey, cranky detritus as I dropped one ball after another.
Cheese. Beer people can keep cheese made from beer too.
Cheese. (I don’t drink)
Like John, I don’t drink alcohol (and it’s specifically because I hate the taste, making this extra easy) and cheese is basically ambrosia.
This is not hard. Cheese. I do drink beer sometimes, but I wouldn’t miss it the way I would miss cheese. No more melted ham and cheese sandwiches? No more salmon and brie and swiss? No more CHEESECAKE?! Blasphemy.
Cheese, absolutely. But to be fair, I don’t like the taste of beer.
ALL THE CHEESES.
Teetotaler as well, so cheese for sure.
Related note: did you know that 30% of US adults are teetotalers? Another 30% drink less than once per week. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2014/09/25/think-you-drink-a-lot-this-chart-will-tell-you/
Definitely keeping the cheese!
No cheese, no pizza. No cheese, no grilled cheese. No cheese, no macaroni and cheese. No cheese, no lasagna (or really, really poor lasagna).
No beer, no… beer. But still wine, cider, scotch, vodka, gin….
I’ll take the cheese, please.
I don’t drink beer, and detest even the smell of beer . . . so I’ll choose beer.
. . . that will then help me curtail my cheese-eating.
Cheese. But I dub this post the “Wisconsin Destroying Thought Experiment.”
During the Apocalypse you can make dirty water into potable water by making/adding beer… you can’t do that with cheese, unfortunately.
Cheese, definitely, for the same reason. Easy choice for a non-drinker.
Vegan who doesn’t like beer, so choosing either one doesn’t really bother me either way. But, I’m open to liking beer one day and will never eat real cheese again, so I’ll choose beer.
Medical issues = No more carbonated beverages. Although I do miss beer it wasn’t too hard to give up.
Cheese is my choice.
Cheese. Beer is gross lol
Cheese. Not that it was part of the question, but there are two things I will never, EVER give up: chocolate & cheese.
Cheese. For many reasons but primarily because it doesn’t taste like you are the *second* animal to have consumed it…
No way! Scalzi, that’s not a fair question if you don’t like beer! So for non-beer drinkers substitute your favorite beverage… pop (soda) coffee, tea, wine…
For me, I drink too much beer so cheese would be the healthy choice.
But I think I would have to give up cheese, I can still have milk, cream, butter, sour cream, curds? What about the “cheese food” they sell in super markets, is that cheese?
Without it you can’t have Formaggio Inbriago (Drunk Cheese) and other yummy stuff like that.
Lorenzo, a guy from the lands of wine and grappa. :-)
Cheese. Otherwise I would not be able to eat pizza.
Cheese! Beer is yucky.
Cheese. I don’t have beer all that often, so I wouldn’t miss it as much.
When I do drink, which isn’t often, I’m a red wine girl for the most part. Cheese, please! I can’t imagine a world without pizza or grilled cheese. It’s a sad, sad place.
This is a question?
Beer. I’m lactose intolerant, and there’s enough fat in most cheeses to grease a locomotive.
Do you people not understand that zombies, with no brains to eat, will go after cheese! Beer they leave alone ’cause they can’t figure out how to get the container open. I will stick with beer. Also find it interesting that a number of respondents admit they made a choice without thinking about it – try that in space (or a zombie pocky-lips) and you will die horribly. BEER! – you can always put hummus on your crackers…
@ Elizabeth McFadden: Actually, you may not be able to stop.
This is not a hard question. Beer is nasty, cheese is delicious.
Easy for me because I don’t like beer: cheese, pleese.
Beer, as I can’t eat cheese (though I’m not a vegan) and I love beer-battered onion rings.
Hm, tough one since I love both. But I have to go with cheese – I could fill the beer-shaped hole in my existence with some red wine. I’d feel guilty for disappointing all those trappist monks though.
(also, while this was easy for me, my mind went straight to “what if he’d said ‘wine or chocolate??'”
Beer is great. But cheese is essential. I have it every day.
Besides, Wallace and Gromit.
Don’t like the taste of beer (I only drink in social situations and as of late to get away from Coke Zero which has been eating at my esophagus – and no water isn’t an alternative that’s what fish have sex in!) and Pizza without cheese is THE WORST.
So I chose cheese. And if I ever wanted beer – there’s enough beer-flavor in the world to just flavor other types of alcohol. You can’t fake cheese.
Cheese. I gave up alcohol and non-pasteurized cheese while pregnant, and now that I’ve had the kid, I still haven’t had beer or wine, but I have had cheese plates with all my favourite imports. A permanent elimination of cheese would be TRAGIC.
Excuse me while I head off to make a sandwich with a delightful aged cheddar and a touch of marmite.
I know the practical answer would be cheese, since there are other forms of alcohol in existence. But I thought about it and the idea of never having a sip of beer ever again actually made me cry. BEER. (Cheese is delicious though. I’m gonna go get me some cheese now.)
I can probably go the rest of my life with out beer…cheese not so much…besides there are plenty of other adult beverages, not that a drink all that much anyway, already go months at a time without any.
Cheese glorious cheese! Also, I don’t like beer all that much. I don’t drink all that much either, but there are days that call for a cool bottle of hard cider.
Well, dang…I hate beer and I’m lactose intolerant.
I like beer, but couldn’t live without pizza so cheese it is.
Cheese. Beer’s busy trying to kill me, lately, so I’ll have to go with cheese. But I’ll still mourn beer.
I never was much of a drinker, and since I’m now at an age where I’m on quite a variety of meds for getting-older ailments (so far none serious, thank heaven), the choice is a no-brainer for me too. About my only concession to alcohol is I do love getting those liqueur-filled chocolates for Christmas. And aside from the number of dishes in which cheese is an essential ingredient, just breaking off a hunk from a brick of whatever makes a nice snack, with or without crackers.
I’m lucky that this is not a choice that ever needs to be made in the real world.
But I’ll go with cheese in your pick one world.
As a cheese-lover and non-drinker, this is basically the easiest question of all time. Keep your smelly beer. *skips away to throw back some garlic-herb chevre*
Cheese, all day and twice on Sunday. But, to be far, I don’t care at all for beer. Now, if you had posed the cheese/wine choice… that would be hard.
Beer. When I was a child I was allergic to dairy products, so I never developed a taste for cheese. The only way I can tolerate it is in its natural pizza state. With no taste for dairy, I’m good with substituting soy cheese for this major foodgroup. Then I can have a beer with the soy pizza.
DAMN YOU, SCALZI !!!! Now I’ll be obsessing about this question for the next THREE DAYS!
I mean, REALLY! Pizza has cheese on it; beer and pizza are inseparable; therefore, you have presented us with a “Kobayashi Maru” question. You should be pummeled with beer infused cheese!
I’ve had a Pavlovian aversion to beer ever since it made me fat in college. Cheese.
As much as it would disappoint my boyfriend, cheese. (He has yet to find a beer I like.)
So when my time comes, let me be buried in my Team Cheese t-shirt. Cheesy goodness, forever and always. Amen.
Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Always.
Likewise. Cheese for me. Lots and lots of cheese.
Cheese. Lots of my meals are cheese, hummus and veggies, maybe with bread/crackers. While I like a good dark beer, it’s already a rare thing for me.
This question is designed to break me. It is objectively evil. Damn you, Scalzi.
Cheese, so long as I get to keep wine. But man, that one would sting.
Days of easy questions: cheese cause there is no beer I cannot live without, but life without pizza does not exist even for silicon based bioforms. Hell no I am not living with a monkey. Girls Aloud is pretty decent for a group created by a talent contest; so any song by them: let’s go with Do You Ever See the Day or Biology. I have never had a crush because I am a machine designed by two British guys (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) for reality show combat.
Bring on Day 5!
I could go my entire life and never drink another beer. Cheese melted into a kaiser roll is heaven itself.
Now I have to go buy a kaiser roll. The nearest grocery is nearly 30 minutes from my home.
Thanks a bunch, Scalzi.
Cheese. Some days, all my protein comes from cheese. It’s my happy place.
(yes, yes, double posting, sorry John)
Non-mutants: not only is there Lactaid, there are cheeses WITHOUT lactose. I’ve had some and they’re plenty tasty. Try them! You’ll probably have to go a cheese shop (Python jokes here) or a fancy expensive grocery like Whole Paycheck, but they do exist and are equally yummy. My lactose-free friends enjoy them a great deal.
I will continue to drink gallons of wine and pints of liquor. I’ve always been meh on beer anyway.
(Today’s breakfast: creamy cheese with garlic and herbs. I only had saltines to go with, but still delightful.)
Beer. I’m 34 and have never had beer – but my hope is to have my first in a pub in Ireland :)
Lunkertype, what are these lactose-free cheeses? Whole Foods sometimes has “20% off with student ID days” and I miss cheese that isn’t made from tapioca and yeast. (Lactaid pills don’t work for me, alas, though the milk is fine for cooking with). It’d be nice to cook something me and my best friend can eat, since eggs and cheese are her main sources of protein.
Tough choice indeed but I think cheese takes the gold because it’s so versatile. I also imagine the injuries at the Cheese-Rolling At Cooper’s Hill In Gloucestershire would be much more substantial if people were chasing a keg of beer.
There are a lot more cheeses I can eat than there are beers (even if I were really fond of berm very few beers are gluten free), so definitely cheese.
I can always drink wine, so although I’ll really miss an ice cold beer after mowing the lawn, (maybe I could investigate cider), it has to be cheese.
I don’t drink and I can’t eat cheese, so I’m screwed. But, then again, my novel’s not finished either!
Easy peasy. Beer. Cheese makes me deathly ill. In all the ways the gene pool can curse a person being allergic to cheese and butter is pretty easy to manage.
Easily cheese. Might have had to think about it if your question was “Cheese or Alcohol”, but since I tend to prefer Tequila/Margaritas to Beer anyway, this was definitely an easy answer.
I’d give up beer in a second. Of course, I’m still allowed ales, stouts, etc.
What do you mean ‘that loophole has been closed’?!?
I choose cheese. cheese is a weekly ingredient, beer is about once every six months. No loss.
Cheese. Definitely cheese. But then, I don’t drink and I’m very allergic to hops so..
Choose beer and stop eating Pizza? NO WAY!
My vote goes to CHEESE.
I’d cheerfully give up both forever. Like JS I don’t drink and I detest cheese.
Beer!!! Look, me being diabetic and all, I’m not supposed to have either. However, I can live without cheese. There’s plenty of items that traditionally have cheese, but don’t have to have it. Tacos, burritos, and chili (yes, I can live without pizza because I rarely have it any more). To name just a few. All of those don’t have to have it. But I can’t live without having a smooth Heineken or Coors light (also to name a few) once in a while.
a post asking people to decide on beer or cheese already has 183 posts. I will never havea popular blog. It would never occur to me that a post like this would be this popular. This just tells me how much I suck.
I once saw Michael Agnew of A Perfect Pint speak at a cheese festival. He argued that beer and cheese are the same thing. They both start with grass, which is turned to sugar by enzymes (either by malting/mashing or in a cow) and then fermented into the final product.
If forced to choose, I guess I’d go with the cow-style fermented grass.
Like our host I don’t drink alcohol at all so cheese is an easy choice.
It all boils down to which you like more. with cheese, there are more varieties to like, I do enjoy a good beer, but a GOOD beer for me is harder to find, and truth be told I’m more of a cider person, but is that a beer? I personally say no because I don’t want to have to make the choice. but hey, there’s always Disaronno!
I don’t care for either. Can I take my prize in the form of cash-moneys?
Since I love cheese and hate beer, this is a really easy choice.
Like you, John, I don’t drink alcohol, so I’ll obviously choose cheese. If you were to limit me to a specific variety, I’d go with Monterrey Jack. :-)
Don’t drink alcohol either so it’d be cheese. Now if you’d said coffee or my life THAT would be a hard one.
Now, a question for John: Cheese or Coke Zero?
Another teetotaler checking in on the “cheese” side.
Hmm. There’s a pattern here. But seriously, live without CHEESE? Are you NUTS? Cheese it is!
I am a vegan and I don’t drink alcohol, so I choose TOFU!!!!
I would choose cheese, probably. But I would mourn.
(Also, you’re out of moderation. Welcome back!)
I’m an Australian who doesn’t drink beer. Pass the cheese, thanks.
I was diagnosed with celiac disease in 2009 so I mourned beer back then. (I could easily live without gluten free “beers”.)
So …. Cheese!
Not a struggle at all.
I don’t drink, so it isn’t really even a choice. Cheese, please.
It would probably have been a more difficult choice for many people if cheese had been set against any and all drinks containing alcohol.
Cheese for me, I’m highly gluten intolerant and can’t have beer.
I can’t have alcohol or dairy. But if I could suddenly have one without getting sick, I would definitely pick cheese. I have missed it greatly.
I’m lactose intolerant, but I would still cheese over beer. Does Ale count as beer? What about a nice dark stout? I would still pick cheese –I can still have wine with it, right? And Margaritas? I would still pick cheese over alcohol. I just take a Lactaid tablet or two, and I’m usually okay.
Wait a minute I just realized something in the original post: There’s cheese-flavored beer?
Gourmet grilled cheese on a really good, crusty bread. Mmmmmmm!
Cheese. No contest at all. (I’ve always hated the taste (and smell) of beer.)
Cheese, because pizza without cheese is a far worse thing than pizza without beer. And if there’s no ale-stout-porter loophole I can still have wine.
Hard? Ha! Haven’t had a drink in 20 plus years. Cheese, Gromit, CHEEESE!
I don’t like anything carbonated, and dislike most alcohols, so it’s extra-easy. GIMME CHEEEEEESE!
Actually there is, or at least beer made from cheese:
Doesn’t hurt that I don’t drink. But it would still be cheese even if I did.
I love both soooo much…
However, cheese wins…because cheese also goes with scotch and sake and wine…
Cheese. I don’t drink.
I lived in Wisconsin too long to want to answer such an evil and thoroughly demented question but having disciplined myself, (harumph), I am going to go with …… CHEESE!, no!, BEER, NOOooooo!….. Arrgghh! (brain melts).
That devil picture you posted? It’s TRUE!
So when’s the book due for release? I will read it with both cheese AND beer at my side, warding me against your evil ways. (flounces off to the store)
Cheese, no contest…plus it would give me a ready excuse for ordering Scotch or red wine without all the beer drinkers thinking I’m a snob.
“It was beer or cheese, folks. Scalzi made me do it! Now all I have left is this exquisite 18 year old single-malt glass of sweet sweet ambrosia direct from the Queen of the Hebrides. It’s a heavy sacrifice, but cheese was on the line. Cheese, Gromit!“
Cheese. I can’t have beer at every meal. (Well, yes, I suppose I CAN – and beer at breakfast used to be common a century or two back – but cheese is just as tasty and far more versatile.)
What kind of monster are you! I’m going to forward this to the Wisconsin Values Alliance ASAP!
I appreciate beer, but there is no true substitute for cheese. Besides which, I already like hard cider better.
Cheese. Alcohol tastes nasty.
Cheese. See, this is an unequal comparison. Beer is but one sort of drink, the old drunk in me can drink other things. But Cheese is a whole category, there is nothing else like cheese, but cheese.
Not a beer/alcohol drinker, so for a challenge, I substitute tea for beer. Tea vs cheese, tea vs cheese, tea.. vs….cheese… yikes, my challenge is hard.. I spose tea is healthier, and I have tea every day whereas cheese is maybe once a week. So tea. Whew… I need a drink.
I never drink beer lol so cheese. Oh cheese <3
I’m a Canadian. Gotta have those cheese curds on my poutine. And I’ve been sober for almost 5 years, I can live without the beer.
Also, I raise my cheese in mourning for 40,000 lbs of cheese lost in a tragic accident today in Wisconsin. http://www.channel3000.com/news/Crash-sends-40-000-pounds-of-cheese-into-pond/31883604
That’s an easy one — bye bye, beer.
Now, if you’d said “cheese or bacon … ” I’d have a problem.
Cheese. Beer is just to be social. Cheese is for life.
Cheese since I’m not fond of beer taste.
Without cheese I can as well be a redshirt.
Cheese, which I like, over alcohol, which I don’t.
Actually, I have a hard time thinking of any food I would select over cheese in a question like this. Salt, maybe. Or milk. But the only use I have for beer is in fish and chips, and I’m sure that can be managed without beer in the batter.
I don’t actually like beer, so I think it’s a pretty easy win for cheese.
Too easy. Beer can be beautiful, like a great song you hear on the radio…
… but cheese is the voice of your lover who wakes you in the morning, with promises of all the earthly delights.
I love both! But when approached from the angle of acceptable substitutes, the choice is clear: there’s wine, margaritas, whiskey… but what else you gonna put on pizza?
Cheese. I really love cold beer in the summer but cheese? That’s an all year love affair.
Cheese. I enjoy a good beer now and again, but as long as wine and spirits are available, I could do without it.
Cheese. Because I can eat it while drinking wine and I could never give up pizza. Also, at some point in time I will likely get to that age where you decide that drinking beer, wine, any alcohol at all makes you feel bad. It seems like everyone old person I know has made that decision. And then I would be without cheese as well.
Like our Host (wait that sounds religious) … Like our host, I don’t drink alcohol, so cheese for me. But really, cheese, beer, bread–they’re all yeasty things. How can you separate them?
Cheese. But WHEN is the novel going to be finished so?
Beer. More precisely, Three Floyds beer.
Crap. Cheese is not good for me health-wise. Yet not having it in pizzas or burritos would truly hurt. OTOH, beer, whether it’s Guinness, Beck’s or Leinenkugel, is fantastic. Yet I could also get buzzed through red wine or vodka or tequila. So it’s cheese for me, but in moderation.
Faced with such a choice, I go for door number 3 – suicide.
Cheese; I don’t drink alcohol.
We always have 2-3 different types of cheese at mah jong. We never have beer. Cheese is the winner!
Having given up both for Lent in the past, I can definitively say cheese. My answer is 60% pizza-based.
I find beer utterly vile, always have. Cheese, thank you.
I’m off to pour salted caramel sauce on some dark chocolate ice cream AND make myself a cheese plate to eat with wine. I choose to blame you for all the dairy, sugar, salt, and after-midnightiness of it all. By that I mean thanks for inspiring me to do what I want because I’m an adult.
I will take the beer, because I am lactose intolerant that is also an easy choice to make.