In Which Mary Robinette Kowal Reads My Sexy, Sexy Tweets
Posted on March 21, 2015 Posted by John Scalzi 26 Comments
So yesterday evening I was feeling saucy and decided to invite all of Twitter in my Lair of Sexiness™. It went a little something like this:
Then, in conversation, I noted that Mary Robinette Kowal should read them in her Phone Sex Voice™, because that would be awesome. Well, guess what?
Truly, this is the best of all possible worlds.
Well, no one wanted to say anything, so I was standing here at the gate and they kicked me in. So, um, hi. I was told to say, ‘What are you doing exactly?’ Okay, now I’ll ask my question. Wouldn’t sriracha sting like the dickens? What? I mean, in your eyes. Geez.
Isn’t Mary Robinette Kowal the one who wrote Fifty Shades of Milk and Honey?
OK, this has convinced me that it’s really time for me to go to sleep. I’m sure this won’t be as weird in the morning.
Or maybe it will.
Oh hugh57. Now someone has to write that! I’m tempted myself. “Once she was quite thoroughly bound in silken scarves, he employed the tiniest of cold glamours…her nipples stood up rather nicely, he thought.” And so on.
@hugh57: No, I believe you’re thinking of The Dimly Lit War of the High Thread Counts, Book One: The Late Night City: Prologue, which was still way batter than Fifty Shades of Cliché.
@Xopher: Yup, off to the relative normalcy of Dreamtime…
I’m just glad it is unguents in the lair, and not an assortment of ungulates. People need room to MOOO-ve around after all.
Really John, Sriracha is not a hot-tub type of condiment. Wasabi on the other hand… yeah baby! ~cannonball!!!!!!~
The only way in which this could possibly be better is if Mary had read the sexy sexy Tweets in Puppet Voice, b/c that shit? Is hilarious.
We lost it at her rendition of (porn music).
hugh57: That is a book I would buy.
This is the first ever ‘Whatever’ to be sent to my my junk folder . . . .
The perfect accompaniment to First Coffee on a saturday morning. Sadly, the rest of the day will be a disappointment by comparison. :)
John, Mary, Hugh57 and Gulliver – THANK YOU!
This was aces! It also reminds me I need a go-to sexy voice person in case the need ever arises. *gets Yellow Pages*
Yep, I might as well go back to bed, because the rest of Saturday, as Kaal said, will really just be pitiful after this. (Are you people supposed to be having that much fun? ‘Cause I’m a grownup too, and *I’m* sure not. I am questioning all my life choices.)
50 Shades of Sriracha by Scalzi and Kowal. I’d read that.
“Truly, this is the best of all possible worlds.”
I’ve always been afraid that was true. Now, doubly so.
Okay! I couldn’t even finish watching that because I’m at work and my sight is all blurry now.
@hugh57 Fifty Shades of Milk and Honey? You mean this?
I always suspected that Mary Robinette Kowal was evil, but now it’s confirmed; there’s no link there.
YouTube thought this was an appropriate followup:
Well, my life is now complete.
Yeah the porn music is great. I played it for the dog and she barked.
Yup, we’re all mad here… but man, what a waste of root beer!
Mayonnaise hot tub for the win! Illegal*, immoral, AND fattening! It’s a trifecta!
*several food safety laws, at the very least
And congrats to MRK for keeping a straight, if pouty-lipped, face throughout the reading.
I’ve just had what I believe is the most embarrassing conversation of my entire marriage. Yes, my wife asked me to explain why I was laughing so hard.
M.A. Your post cracked me up!
Was that Wren imitating Celeste, or, more likely, Celeste imitating Wren imitating Celeste? (Either way, my morning was “incrementally” better for it! :-D) [Go listen to Kowal and Ray Porter reading ‘The Incrementalists’, at Audible.com…]
I had to rest my head on the desk after the porn music. This was made to share with everyone I know. Thank you so very much for this.