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Proof That Science Fiction Is the Literature of the Future, and That I Am the Prognostication MASTER

In The Android’s Dream, which I wrote over a decade ago now, I reached into the thinky crevasses of my brain to conceive of a thing that no human had dared to dream of: white chocolate M&M’s. Yes! I was the first! They came from my very thinkmeat! And people said to me then, well, hold up there, Scalzi. Spaceships and aliens are all very well, but white chocolate M&M’s? That’s too radical an idea! And then they laughed, nervously.

WELL WHO IS LAUGHING NOW, PEOPLE:

Yes. Arthur C. Clarke had communication satellites, Robert Heinlein had waterbeds, and now I have white chocolate M&M’s. I predicted this magnificent confection of the future! I did! Me! Alone!

YOUR WORLD IS WHAT I HAVE MADE IT, PUNY HUMANS. PARTAKE OF THE PEARLESCENT PRODUCT OF MY PRODIGIOUSLY UNPARALLELED PROGNOSTICATION.

I’ll take my Grand Master award now, if you please.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

96 replies on “Proof That Science Fiction Is the Literature of the Future, and That I Am the Prognostication MASTER”

Nice! Now we just need BrainPals and we are all set! On a similar note, I was pretty shocked to see Harry Harrison’s prediction of powdered alcohol (from his 2nd “Stainless Steel Rat novel) become reality! Sadly, the politicians aren’t as excited about the product….

White chocolate is the spawn of Satan. I hate it with the white-hot heat of 10k suns. In addition to having a vile taste, it is a complete pain to temper.

Not that I have an opinion about this.

And apparently you’re drinking Coke Cherry Zero also. Is that in place of Coke Zero or in addition to Coke Zero? I happen to have an open can of Coke Cherry Zero by my keyboard right now. Cheers!

After being truly shocked at the number of people who chose cheese over beer, I’m pleased to once again feel part of the community. White chocolate is about half a step from carob chips in the “impostor food” Most Wanted List.

Think what you like about white chocolate (says the guy who ate all the almond bark at Xmas time as a kid)… it’s not _what_ he called, but that he made the call.

All win, Mr. Scalzi!

I still can’t decide if I like your posts or the comments more, but I find both highly amusing most days and you help me while away the monotonous hours of the daily grind. Thank you John and all.

@Andrew Lloyd

I watch too much Warehouse 13, for I had a moment of gender confusion when you said “he” in reference to H.G. Wells.

Completely off-topic, but I’m in the mood to share.

Since I already gave my opinion of white chocolate above.

I object to being classified as puny.

On the other hand I am mortal, so if you write a book about the sudden transformation of humanity into immortal and youthful beings I would be prepared to overlook the puny…

Uh, yeah….And remember when Al Gore “invented” the Internet? Now, if you predict that the National Debt will be paid down (and WITHOUT political sleight-of-hand; REALLY paid down), and it is, then I will really be impressed and declare you to be my Lord and Master.

@Frodo:
We are not worthy! (genuflexes)

“Genuflexes” is, strictly speaking, a misspelling, but an AWESOME one! It sounds like the latest craze in Catholic weight training.

Actually, Mars/M&M introduced the white chocolate M&M’s in 2006 as a tie-in product promotion with the second Pirates of the Caribbean film. The Android’s Dream was published in 2006. How do we know that you actually predicted anything and instead may have just gotten wind of M&M’s planned tie-in campaign when you were writing the novel or inserted it in at the last minute? After all, you know a lot of Hollywood people. Can you prove you actually predicted it, rather than that you’re simply a chocolate ad spy?

So why don’t you invent something potentially really tasty, like hazelnut M&Ms, or, courtesy of an earlier poster, nutella M&Ms, or M&Ms with a cherry center? (although maybe not any of the seriously weird flavors on carrotcakemms)

As for all the white chocolate haters, I may not eat white chocolate now, but when I was a kid and allergic to chocolate I would absolutely have loved to have had the opportunity to eat white chocolate M&Ms. There were so few “real” candies available for the chocolate allergic that all the white stuff available now is a vast improvement for those who are. Thankfully I have outgrown this defect and now spend my adult life making up for years of chocolate deprivation.

Dang! Nice job, sir. And here I am all chocolate-less for lent. (It’s a good exercise.) I shall have to partake in white chocolate m&ms in the future. Not a future of science fiction. My actual future. Hopefully, I get there without chocolate. (While they contain no cocoa mass, real white choc does contain cocoa butter and I think that would still count as a chocolate product.)

It’s not bad enough the folks at M&Ms let peanuts take up valuable chocolate space, now they’re letting not-chocolate take up valuable chocolate space. I grudgingly give you credit for thinking of it first, but why did it take them 10 years to make it a reality? What the heck are they reading over there?

@David Hajicek:

Are you able to see the image at the top of the page? It captures the specific line (highlighted), and the text below the image indicates that it is from The Android’s Dream.

I also gave up chocolate for Lent (not religious; long story.) I have long maintained that white chocolate is not chocolate at all, so I could have some.

The problem is that I would rather have nothing than white chocolate.

Oh well. *counts days till Easter again*

Coming soon: talks with Iran derailed by gassy diplomat’s sudden death. Was his anal implant the work of House Republicans? And what’s with this sheep? News at 11!

JS:

I wrote the novel in 2003, so I would be THE MASTER PROGNOSTICATOR.

Can you prove that you did so that early? And isn’t that particular year somewhat suspect, given that 2003 was when the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie came out. Perhaps the promotional campaign was planned then but delayed. Are you sure you haven’t been in league with Johnny Depp? Just saying.

White chocolate is actually a form of chocolate made from the cocoa plant. They ferment, dry and then roast the cocoa beans, removing the outer coating, then run the beans through a press which separates out most of the cocoa fat in the center of the bean. The remains are grounded up into cocoa powder. Cocoa fat, milk and sugars can then be added back to the cocoa powder to make the various gradients of chocolate, the ones with the most powder and least fat are the bitter dark chocolates. White chocolate takes the cocoa fat and doesn’t add any or not much cocoa powder to it. But it is chocolate and from that cocoa fat, should actually be an ivory color rather than white.

However, some sweets labelled white chocolate don’t have any or much cocoa butter in them, as using the fat/oil is more expensive than a lot of other vegetable fats and oils, so cheaper labeled white chocolate might be not really white chocolate. I suspect that white chocolate M&M’s probably have very little in the way of actual cocoa butter to them.

Me, I am happy to eat any form of chocolate, except for the really dark chocolates over 75%, which get a little too tree bark like for my tastes. White chocolate I find quite yummy and it really works well when you mix it with milk or dark chocolate, although they kind of melt at different temperatures, having different fat contents. White chocolate doesn’t have the antioxidants trumpeted of dark chocolate, but it also doesn’t have much natural caffeine to it either. Real white chocolate is only a tablespoon or two of cocoa powder away from milk chocolate.

Given the choice between white chocolate and candle wax, I’d take candle wax. OTOH, white chocolate can sometimes be useful in cooking, where its (lack of) taste can be concealed.

Will

So it is YOU who are responsible for this abomination…! ::grabs pitchfork and torch!::

Mind, I like good white chocolate – but the kind of “white chocolate” M&M/Mars, Nestle and Hershey make? Tastes like sweetened paste….

Ambivalent:

(Mutters darkly at Kat) Dark chocolate rulz, dude, not those, those – insipid, pasty not-chocolate lipid lozenges! Repent thy errant ways.

I eat a small bit of 70% dark chocolate every day cause the doctors say I can and it will be supposedly good for one’s heart, (I suspect that’s a huge bribery situation from the candy companies and Johnny Depp, but I’m not fighting it.)

But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to turn down a good white chocolate truffle. There are some people who don’t like or are allergic to chocolate, which is fine, since we need to have more chocolate for everybody else and there is no sense wasting the rest of the cocoa beans. I would also like my chocolate to not be made by child slaves or slaves at all, and am trying to boycott vote with my dollars there as I can. (Which I’ve been told — many times on this site — means that I am repressing free speech or something something because I’m not allowed to chose what I buy.

Bearpaw: Is there an electric condom — Pirates of the Caribbean 5 promotional tie-in coming up, do you think? Scalzi, have you heard anything from Johnny Depp about that? Scalzi? Did he run away?

Yeah, but you’re also the grand prognosticator who envisioned a future in which space travel, and mind transfers work, but those automatic bathroom faucets DON’T. I’m not ready for such a dystopian vision to become reality.

When I read the novel, I thought that white chocolate M&Ms referred to regular milk chocolate M&Ms that had white candy shells, which seems, both more aesthetically pleasing and far more appetizing than those waxy pastel monstrosities pictured above.

I’m gonna go with my interpretation. Just because he wrote the book doesn’t mean that Scalzi can define my vision of what white chocolate M&Ms should be. The freedom of appreciating art is that we get to interpret its meaning for ourselves.

I believe that “white chocolate M&Ms”. Clearly means just regular milk chocolate M&Ms with white candy shells, and NOT the white chocolate abominations in the picture.

Sadly, this means that I can’t accept the premise that Mr. Scalzi’s fictional version of the future is somehow coming true unless and until someone shows me a regular M&M with a white candy shell.

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