It Should Come As No Surprise That Once I Acquired a Cane This Picture Would Become Inevitable

I’m going to use this picture now for so many things.

Photo by Athena Scalzi.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

59 replies on “It Should Come As No Surprise That Once I Acquired a Cane This Picture Would Become Inevitable”

I was about to say, wouldn’t this be more apropos to have you on a riding mower or an all-terrain Segway? By the time you run across the lawn to get withing visual cane-shaking range of those damn kids*, you’ll be out of breath and your knees will be complaining.

*Since they’ll be listening to that noise they call ‘music’ on their eye-pods, it’s not like they can hear you shouting

Actually, I have recently been ordered to have a cane with me at all times. This has fouled up my accessorisation bigtime; I long for the days when all I had to do was get the handbags and the shoes to work. Now I have to grapple with yet another dimension, and it’s a struggle.

By the way, I really like the cane !

Nice-looking cane, sir. You’ll unquestionably scare off all the neighborhood whippersnappers with that. For full effect, of course, you need to be in a rocking chair on your porch, but the sight of a hobbling old codger shaking that handsome walking stick across the lawn ought to run off most of the young’uns.

Just one observation would be that if you are going to be using it for any length of time, you may wish to get a second cane that is more cushioned and form-fitting to your hand for everyday use. I wound up with numb fingers after months of using a cane that was formed in such a way that most of the load was focused in a narrow band across my palm, as I figured out too late that I had spent all that time resting my weight on a nerve nexus in my hand. Numbness wore off eventually, but you may be able to avoid it altogether if you get a more ergonomically formed and cushioned cane.

Best wishes for speedy healing in any case, and I hope you don’t have any recurrences or lingering effects. And have fun chasing those kids offa your lawn.

So green…and mowed…and vast…Sorry, you were saying something about your cane?

Once upon a time we had grass in central Texas…old-timers still tell tall tales of water just falling right out of the sky!

Since you’re an Old Man(TM) now, is this a good time to ask for your Warren Ellis double neck axe when you…ahem…join the CDF?

Where abouts did you find such a fine cane? I have been contemplating getting a cane for walking purposes and it would be grand if it could look nice as well as be practicably useable.

True story: a couple of decades ago I bought my older sister a can for her 40th birthday. We are talking hand crafted/stained natural wood. The handle looked like a duck’s head even. Wrapped it in ribbon after my mother told me that would be the final touch… then helped by picking out the right color ribbon and helping wrap it around the cane. Sigh.. I miss her and her sarcastic ways.

As a gift, it went over very well, and maintained a place of honor by the door. I now have my own walking stick and I some day hope to be out on the lawn shaking it at the young whipper-snappers on my lawn, with much the same poise you have in the picture.

Canes are like umbrellas or bags, it is soooo tempting to get this one, and this one, and ooh this one looks so good too. (My fanciest one has kitty faces all over it.)

Echoing Colonel Snuggledorf here: if you are going to be using one for a while, get one with a padded grip and adjustable height. You don’t need to hurt your arm while helping your leg!

So what gadgets does your stick contain? A pen for impromptu writing? A sword? Sword *and* pen? Two swords (handy for dueling)? Airgun firing poisoned pellets? Flamethrower? Cellular antenna for better internet access on the move? Folding seat? Puppy repellent gas spray? Some flasks of your favourite restorative? Emergency kit for alien kidnapping?

Enquiring minds want to know…

This is looks more like some amazingly powerful wizard’s staff than an old man’s walking cane, which changes the way I see the picture completely. Either way though, I would certainly stay the heck off your lawn!

Nice photo! Your neck tendons are very impressive! (I hope you didn’t hold that pose too long; I imagine your jaw muscles would get sore.)

It’s a pleasure to have you back, sir. The continent wasn’t the same without you.

Living in Southern California, I can’t even focus on the foreground or caption.

I just gaze upon that lawn with a mixture of envy and horror. Mine is barely alive – patchy and brown – due to my extreme efforts to conserve water.

Comments are closed.

Exit mobile version