House For Sale: Come Live in Bucolic Splendor!

My mother-in-law has put her old house up for sale, on account that two-and-half acres of lawn and woods is a little much for her to keep up on her lonesome. So: Looking for a place to live in beautiful, bucolic Darke County, Ohio, home of Annie Oakley (and also, me)? This three bedroom, two bath ranch home on two-and-a-half acres with two-car garage and barn is, honestly, just about perfect. Come buy it and live where you can see the Milky Way at night!

Here’s the official listing for the house. If you’re interested, contact the listing agent, Jeff Apple. He’ll be happy to answer your questions and set a showing.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

42 replies on “House For Sale: Come Live in Bucolic Splendor!”

Holy cow, you could only buy a garden shed around here for that price. On a garden shed sized piece of land! Makes me want to leave beautiful Boulder, CO and head to less costly places.

Couple of questions:

Does it have ghosts? If not can I bring my own?

How close do you live? Are there any restraining orders against you?

Are you the type of neighbor to stop by for a cup of sugar at odd hours then stay an inappropriately long time to visit?

Do your animals wander long distances? If not can you train them to while carrying small packaged goods such as cheese, cured meats and/or Dion & The Belmonts CD’s?

And finally would Krissy be able to mow the lawn for me?

Yeah, that place would set you back a cool half-mil in my area. More than that in the “trendy” parts of town.

Beautiful spot, though; if I was retired (and a little more spry), I’d seriously consider it. Hope your mom-in-law gets a good quick sale that closes without drama!

I have no idea what two and a half acres of land would cost where I’m from, because nobody where I’m from owns two and a half acres of land. What the hell, etc.

That said, is there an HOA to require that the lawn stay a lawn and not, say, two and a half acres of rose-garden/clover-field/wildland/immense moss-and-pebble “aerial view” mosaic?

I just have to chuckle at the idea of a homeowner’s association in the rural midwest!
(Yes, I grew up in the midwest. No, I wouldn’t dream of pissing off my neighbors by subjecting them to an HOA.)

I dunno, Scalzi – I keep hearing ugly rumors that your neighborhood has a serious infestation of Republicans!

Especially a particularly virulent species known as “John Bo-Ners” that are rumored to be reappearing after infesting Washington, DC for so long….

That poor person who has to monitor the chatboxes at the realtor’s office. I doubt he or she is used to hundreds of page-visits a day. Or hour….

Putting the house out here on the Coconut Wireless might actually get some results (aside from us looky-loos). Around here, the only place that has that type of pricing is on the Big Island, where Madame Pele frequently redecorates in your neighborhood and water, electricity, and sewer are generally on you. Or possibly on Molokai, where the nearest stores bigger than a tiny local superette are on another island.

It looks like the chat box no longer auto-opens; I guess they got tired of us.

OMG I would love to retire here, but I guess there’s some form of restriction regarding a UK national from buying up land/residence and only having a pension to live on ??? Ah, well, I can dream :)

Ehn, I can see the Milky Way from where I live now.

I mean, I can’t actually see it *right* now. That would be a little disturbing, seeing the Milky Way at 4:20 in the afternoon. Probably a sign of something apocalyptic.

I used to live in Darke County Ohio when I was young. Great memories. Union City for middle school. And when I was a wee babe, Bradford — Dad was HS football coach there about about a half century ago.

It would be a really good place for someone with kids to live.


I did the same thing. My husband and I are **years** away from owning a home in the Bay Area (or even a condo), but we could totally make that asking price work. We’d just have to move to Ohio, where neither of us have jobs….oh well.

Or! For the same price you could buy half a terraced house in Tilbury!!!!!!!! (Tilbury is a bit like Detroit after a natural disaster)

The housing market in the UK is soooooo screwed…

Looks very nice. We’ve been looking in a very low key way for a house to retire in, and it meets all our requirements – either less lawn or something flat enough we could use a riding mower, about 2/3 size of our current place, brick exterior, rural similar to our current. Unfortunately it’ll be 3 to 7 years before we actually retire, and until then, no near our current house (southeast Michigan) is a deal-breaker. Given what the local market here has been like (about 10% of the homes turned over this summer) her place won’t be on the market long. Best of luck to her.

Oh, and for those with sticker envy, “rural” in the Midwest doesn’t mean long commute when measured by time. We’re not quite as out in the country as Scalzi et al, but it’s otherwise comparable. My wife and I both have an under-30-minute commute to work at different places in Ann Arbor, about 70% rural roads for me with a total of 6 stop lights and 1 stop sign. Cost of commute for me – 1 gallon of gas per day in my Honda Civic (avg 38mpg). If we put our house on the market, it would be about 50% higher than the one under discussion, but our area is considered expensive.

The key here is rural, and how rural. If we were to move into Ann Arbor itself our commute times would only cut in half but the price would at least double. And that only if we accepted a typical city lot rather than our hilly, wooded acre+. Conversely, if we wanted to add another 10 minutes to our commutes we could cut the house price to match what is being asked for the MILs house.

Gotta love college towns and surrounding communities in the Midwest.

The price!!! As a Sydneysider I get a case of property envy almost everywhere I look but even converted into Aussie $ and allowing for lower incomes that’s… wow. In my street (inner-city) a bargain is anything under a million. And we’re talking teensy little 1- and 2-bedroom terraces topping out at about 150sqm + courtyard. You can’t get an *apartment* for less than 750k!

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