Announcement: The Kittens Have Official Names

Posted on November 21, 2015    Posted by      59 Comments

Thing One and Thing Two are now officially:

Sugar (Thing One) and Spice (Thing Two).

Please update your files appropriately.

For those of you about to say “but I like calling them Thing One and Thing Two!” look, I have no control what you do inside your head. Keep calling them that if you like. They will not mind.

Likewise, as a duo, feel free to call them S&S, The Things, or whatever you like. We here at the Scalzi Compound have taken to calling them The Scamperbeasts, or more completely, The Vicious Scamperbeasts of Ohio, or if you wish to be precise, you may use their Linnean classification Scamperbestia ohioensis. 

Thank you for your attention. That will be all.

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59 Comments on “Announcement: The Kittens Have Official Names”

  1. D’aaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww….

    I had head-named them Smoke and Embers, but now I’m overcome with the cute.

  3. Does that imply that their both she cats? You weren’t certain at the first, but may have said so elsewhere, I’ve not been following the kittens religiously.

  4. Following kittens religiously would make you Egyptian. (Weird thought of the day brought to you by a complete stranger who needs caffeine.) You’re welcome.

  7. >scamperbeasts

    Presumably they will meet Admiral Kosh at Red 3 for the hour of scampering.

  12. Awesome names, Athena! And based on your dad’s comments here, it sounds as though you’ve not only captured their appearance but also their personalities.

    I’m looking forward to watching the Scamperbeasts continue to cement their places in the Scalzi household, particularly in their roles as shoulderkittens. Pro tip – be sure to keep a camera handy for the first time that a full-grown Scamperbeast launches herself up to your dad’s shoulder. The resulting image could well pay your first year of tuition if you market it right.

  13. Curse you and your vile naming post! Now I’m going to have that damned song running through my head all day….

    I suspect you’ve already burnt out those particular neuronal pathways in the time since their names were decided

  15. Also, since we’re picking nits: ohio*e*nsis; ohion*e*sis would probably be the process of becoming Ohioan. (Yes, I’m an editor. We pick nits so they don’t grow up and become lice. It’s what we do. *G*)

  16. I’m afraid I can’t resist the temptation to further embarrass OGH by providing a second correction to his taxonomy: the specific name should be Ohioensis.

    Could be a simple typo, granted. But as we know, humor and pedantry usually have a direct relationship, so I felt obligated to speak up.

    Oh, and yeah, the former Things are still utterly adorbs. Keep the pics coming.

  19. Be grateful, John, that you weren’t born 200 years ago, when your deficiencies in Latin would have precluded any kind of writing career at all.

  20. So is Spice the one with the creepy blue eyes in the previous picture?

    Cause that would have been prophetic. So to speak.

  21. John, if it’s comfort; I did well in my 3 years of Latin, but only caught one of these! It was a LONG time ago, and I mostly use it as a means of rough-translating bumper stickers that are written in any Romance language.

    Tell Athena the names are terrific. Though for some reason the triggered in me — in spite of an enormous distaste for Tennessee Williams — a sudden overpowering yen to adopt 2 kittens and name them Summer and Smoke. Ahhhhhhh! Make it stop!

    Can’t. Adopt. Kittens. CAN’T!!! Mother-in-law (whom we live with) would actually explode. There would be MIL shrapnel all over the living room. CAN’T.

    Besides, all our cats have had names either Shakespearean or mythic. Can’t break our streak.

  23. I approve of your providing complete names for the Scamperbeasts, although of course, you may use the short form of the name, or a nickname, for daily use.

    My first cat (or the first cat who owned solely me and no other human) was, as normal, kept in a single room until he was accustomed to his new home. That room was the bathroom…where the visiting men used to “play” roughly with him using their feet, while using the facilities in that room. After becoming accustomed to his new home, and being let out into the rest of his domain, he developed the habit of hiding and jumping out and wildly clawing at the air around your ankles when you passed by. I think he secretly enjoyed the terror and jerking reaction of the humans, and that he did this in response to having been locked in the bathroom. This is how I discovered his name.

    His name was Psycho, which was short for Psycho Cat From Hell!, which was of course accompanied by emoting shaking your leg to disengage the cat your THOUGHT was trying to take you down at the ankles.

    R.I.P. Psycho, greatly missed and never forgotten.

  25. I had been thinking of them up to now as Cutie-pie and Tiger. Sugar & Spice is perfect.
    HI KITTEEEEEES!

  26. Tamora Pierce said, when I told her of your new names for your kittens, “‘Sugar’ and ‘Spice’? Really?”

    Tammy hates cute names for cats – she’s named ours everything from “Horrible” to “Wubbie”. :D

  28. Awwwwww.

    (I really, really like the Scamperbestia ohioensis classification. I suspect that Night, the twelve-year-old cat who acquired me three months ago, may be a (geographically) distant relative: Scamperbestia washingtonensis. Fits her perfectly. She’s more active than most twelve-*month*-old cats.)

  29. Here’s wishing that Sugar and Spice live up to their names for many years to come. I named mine Gremlin, and he’s been a little (welllll…at 17 pounds, he’s not REALLY little) monster for the last 14 years. However, he’s my buddy, so….whatever.

  30. I’m having problems with the vicious bit, though of course this may be because I have not been assaulted by one or more of them; the names are perfect to lure people into a false sense of security…

  31. Oh well, by the time they are out of the naughty-kitten stage, each of them will think “Get down from there!” is her (?) name anyway.

    (I am still pretty sure they are sisters but eagerly await an official statement from the Compound on the matter.)

  32. Also, did I mention that there’s no such painting as “still life with kitten”, and no documentary evidence such things existed before the invention of the camera?

    (OK, must admit that they do eventually sleep. Maybe someone has done a quick-draw?)

  34. Fabulous names, Athena, and at least your wacky dad didn’t feel it necessary to muck with the spelling this time.

    Though Sugar will probably do her best NOT to live up to that. Spice, howsomever, is perfect for her tortietude and colors. My tortie is also a scamperbeast, even at 15.

    I have a large black and white cat who STOMPS around the house very loudly. His taxonomic name is Brontofelis tuxiensis.

  35. They’re very nice names, but they’re kind of… normal.

    I’m not used to normal from the Scalzi household.

    (Having said which, I probably shouldn’t admit that the two semi-socialized feral cats that hang around at work have been named “Pumpkin” and “Spice”. Lately they’ve been joined by a third, dubbed “Nutmeg”.)

    Forgive me if I privately think of the Things as Sucrose and Zinger (short for Zingiberaceae, the ginger family of plants).

  38. Great names! We rescued two tortie sister cats when I was 12 and named them Sugar and Spice- both wonderful pets and dearly missed. I hope your family has as much fun and love with your S&S and we did with ours :-)

  40. While Thing One and Thing Two are funnier names, S&S will probably make it easier to tell the two apart when you’re yelling for them.

  43. Tell Athena that she has excellent choice in names. Both aww-dorable and perfect for the kitties’ looks.

    Additionally, Sugar is a Thing. Spice is also a Thing. So the Thingitude has been preserved!

  44. The Scalzi Family Flavorings!

    (A coworker has a coffee mug with Dr. Seuss characters painted on it. Thus did I learn that Thing 1 and Thing 2 are actually literary references. This has exposed a massive gap in my education.

  45. Ah yes, that’s why I asked about a hat in one of the first few Thingish posts. It’s been too long: I should reread the Cat in the Hat. Of late, I suspect all Americans should reread the story of the Sneetches as well.

    While I still like Thing 1 and Thing 2 very much, I must bow to the official name choices, Sugar and Spice. These are also fine names for such a pair. However, if you soon discover Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog’s Tails, well, y’know, the universe has a karmic sardonic sense of humor, doesn’t it?

  47. Sugar and Spice are perfect names for such lovely kitties. Well done, Athena!

    Would The Scamperbeasts be the name of their gang, er, band?

  48. Aaawwww! Two sweet names for two indescribably sweet kitties.

    I wish them well!

  49. You can’t have any living thing in a traditional still life, can you? I mean apart from cut flowers (if you consider those alive) and so on. Any animals in a still life have to be dead as far as I know.

  50. I admit defeat and withdraw my suggestion for naming them Castor and Pollux and freely admit that I’ve read way to much Heinlein over the years.

  53. He who controls Spice, controls the universe… good thing it’s not so easy to control kittens. :D (Although perhaps easier than coming up with an equally good pun about Sugar. Seriously, I got nothing.)

  54. After a few mutations (they started as Salt-and-Pepper, Cream, and Cinnamon-Sugar), our 3 new hamsters settled in as Peppa, Creamy, and Spicy. Peppa really should be Pepper, but my little niece went through a huge Peppa the Pig phase a year or so ago…

  55. S&S? Their collective name is obviously All Things Nice. And that retains some ‘Thing’, too!

  56. Heheh, nice! *My* Sugar and Spice haven’t been kittens for many years, but I can assure you the names have worn well! (And wound up really fitting their personalities…)

  57. All cats have three names.

    There is their given name, a formal name that humans foist on each cat to distinguish one from the other when it comes time to dole out the tasty snacks.

    There is their active name, the descriptive of what role they play within the tribe, such as Wiggle Cat, Crazy Cat, Jumper Cat, Shoulder Cat, Pretty Kitty, and so forth.

    And there is their true name, a Name known only to other cats.

  58. My beloved spouse is a veterinarian, so I often hear about interestingly named pets. My favorites were the kitten siblings Indica and Sativa, aka the Cannabis Kitties.

    (Why yes, we do live in Northern California, why do you ask?)

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Athena Scalzi, contributor – AMS
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