A Personal Top 10 of Things That Are Not Titles to Christmas Songs and/or Lifetime Holiday Movies and Honestly I Don’t Understand Why
10. A Colonoscopy For Christmas
9. If Reindeer Can Fly Then How Did Daddy Hit One With His Truck
8. Christmas on Reddit
7. I’ve Got the “My Family Has Left Me and All I’ve Got to Get Me Through the Holidays is Coors Light and a DVD of Die Hard Set to Repeat” Blues Again, Mama
6. Jingle! Jangle! Gerbils!
5. What Do You Mean I Missed Hanukkah Again, There Are Eight Goddamn Nights of It
4. A Child’s Christmas on XBox
3. Officer I Didn’t Mean to Kick His Teeth In, But He Said “Happy Holidays” Instead of “Merry Christmas”
2. Mama, Why Does Santa Need My Kidney?
1. Mansplaining Christmas to Mary