And Thus Do the Holidays End, As Ever They Do, With the Ritual Decapitation of a Snowman
Posted on January 2, 2016 Posted by John Scalzi 45 Comments
What? You don’t end your holidays this way? Huh.
Krissy is in fact mildly annoyed with this, as this is in fact her favorite seasonal snow man decoration. But it’s not too badly broken, I think. Nothing that can’t fixed with love, and a little glue. Mostly glue, I think.
But yes, Krissy is putting away the Christmas decorations today. Welcome to January.
Heaven forfend that I be the first person in the comments to look at that picture and say, “Let it go!”
I love how you either took this photo at exactly noon, or I’m not the only one who has a few electronic devices flashing 12:00. :)
Wow, look at that! Scalzi has spices on the back of his oven just like other people!
Oh dear! The good news is that we still have glue in the world. Hurrah for that.
My lame claim to fame: I apparently own the same model oven as famed sci-fi writer/ruiner John Scalzi. My life is complete.
She should hold off on putting away the Christmas Ornaments until the end of Christmas. Only a little while yet until 12th night.
I think we have the same oven.
We’re old school at our place. The Young Snowman fights the Old Snowman to the death, and then, holding the Old Snowman’s head aloft, sprinkles the land with the icewater, to ensure a good year of snow next year.
Ritual Decapitation of a Snowman, Ritual of 127th Rose Parade and 102nd Rose Bowl,John Barleycorn is Dead, Wicker Man, ritual biting the ears of Chocolate Easter Bunnies, whatever.
No offense, but that thing is hideous! You sure this isn’t like the (not so) tragic destruction of the “Major Award” leg lamp in “A Christmas Story?” Seems awful fishy, Scalzi!
@steve davidson: I think that’s just salt and pepper. You’re not supposed to store spices above a heat source such as a stove or cooktop unless you like stale, tasteless sawdust better than paprika or cumin. A cool dry place is best. (Heat won’t harm salt and black pepper.)
Need to set the time on that oven. I have no respect for science fiction authors who can’t set the time on their household appliances. What does that say about your technical bonafides, or the technical accuracy of your stories? Not much I’d say.
OTOH, his stove is much cleaner than mine. I need to give mine a good scrubbing. I think many of us must have hit the same Lowe’s sale.
Is the decapitated ornament the result of the Scamperbeasts weighing in on seasonal decorations?
That is creepy in IT-kind of way. It’s good you killed it before midnight, probably would turn into a carnivorous snow pile.
I kinda feel like Christmas decorations (or at least lights) should stay up through March. Winter’s such a bleak time, the extra color is nice.
Then again, the extra power draw isn’t.
Gorilla Glue. Just saying.
I love traditions!
Thankfully, in my family the holidays are not over until AFTER Epiphany. Unfortunately, I have to return to work before that date. So, it’s my tradition to keep eating and call-in sick!
Uh… oops?
Second the suggestion of Gorilla Glue!
For some reason, the word “kittens” came to mind upon seeing that photo.
(When I was a young kid about fifty-five years ago, one of my Mom’s favorite glasses got broken while she was out. I left the lower portion on the table with a rolled-up note inside that said “THE CAT DID IT. SHE WENT CRAZY.”) (Full disclosure: The cat didn’t do it.)
That ornament looks like it has a history behind it. Were the arms original? They look like they were added later. And I can see how one would grow attached to it over the years.
I’m sorry Krissy’s favorite snowman got decapitated, but it looks like a clean break and glue ought to fix it right up. Just keep the guilty Scamperbeast out of her sight for a day or two, and all will be well.
I de-Christmased the house a couple of days ago, on New Year’s Eve day. Some years, I have a serious attack of the “I don’t cares” and leave ’em up until March, but not this year – I couldn’t wait to box it up, bundle it back up to the attic and repossess my living space.
Good luck with the snowman surgical procedure, and I hope the little guy survives to make Krissy smile for many more Christmases!
I reckon a snowman Sean Bean decapitated him with a broadsword then said ‘January is coming’.
Predictable! Legist commenters blame the cats, who no doubt will blame the dog, who will wag his tail and look guilty as dogs always do.
Another one here who has almost the same stove. Definitely looks like some glue would fix that right up! I & my sons took down all the outside holiday lights on new years day, I removed all the Star Trek ornaments that plug into the tree lights, and now I’m waiting for them to finish un-decorating the tree so we can put it away. Another holiday season survived! Go us!
New Year’s is a ridiculous construct. It matches nothing astronomical or religious (that I know of.) However, you must get all the seasonal greenery–tree, garlands, etc–out of the house before January 6 or the devil will come in on them. Snowmen are completely a matter of individual conscience.
PS: This means that all those life-improving intentions don’t take effect until the 6th either.
Careful with those revealing photos, John. People will conclude you don’t cook with gas! This of course will be followed by half-baked accusations about how you ruined food for all eternity. That said, Happy New Year. And best of luck with the new writing projects . . .
If that’s ceramic, Gorilla Glue might be overkill. May I recommend E6000 craft glue instead? I’ve used it for several different craft projects with no problems.
I’m willing to give the inhabitants of Chez Scalzi the benefit of the doubt and presume the power has been off at least once in the last few days, leading to the clock on the stove being reset.
Ah, I see you’re a Frosty Second Reformationist. May the Cold One’s love be the glue of Christmas Yet to Come!
Curiosity is killing me here, what ritual did you use in the decapitation? Is there a special invocation required for ceramic as opposed to crystallized dihydrogen monoxide anthropomorphic figures?
Folks:
In fact, when I took the picture, it was exactly noon. The stove clock isn’t like a VCR clock.
Ray:
Krissy picked it up by the head and it broke. I’ll note Krissy is unusually strong and accidentally breaks all manner of things, including drinking glasses, just by holding them.
I think that’s a very cool christmas ornament and I’m sure my wife would agree too. Make sure you get something that’ll keep its head on, epoxy even. Then put a tiny strip of duct tape around the neck and a cute little eye patch. Tim Burton ornament!
Epoxy is my usual go-to glue. It works on most surface, is strong, and is very slightly flexible, which can prevent re-breakage.
I’ve been seeing commercials for a UV set glue; has anyone tried it? Is it any good?
“Krissy picked it up by the head and it broke. I’ll note Krissy is unusually strong and accidentally breaks all manner of things, including drinking glasses, just by holding them.”
My wife is the opposite, apparently with a weak grasp, and drops lots of things, although she did break off the bottom of a wine glass once doing dishes and rammed the stem through her hand. Most require a broom but the last involved stitches!
I’m sure I’ve seen an ornament just like that at some time in the past. I’m not sure if we had one, though. I almost think it’s a tie-in to some animated Christmas special, but I don’t recall for sure.
Here I am going for the, admittedly lame, joke and you puncture it with rude reality. I will have to be sure to never get Krissy even mildly miffed at me! I break easily.
@Cally Never tried a commercially available UV set glue, must be something new, although I have seen something that sounds vaguely like it used in the dental field for composite fillings. Sounds interesting. Google here I come!
Our luck this year wasn’t great with ornaments amd decorations, either. I had two different Peanuts ornaments where the small Woodstock broke off, the Snoopy Flying Ace ornament wheel piece came off pretty much out of the box as I was putting in the batteries. I broke the plunger off a dalek ornament, then a blown glass Toy Story Alien (which I cannot find any of online for a replacement) got jostled and broke part of it. And, a nice display piece that was part of a gift basket (which we bought for the display piece) got knocked over and is now in several pieces. Several other new Hallmark Ornaments seemed a lot more fragile than they used to be.
Ray: I’ve only seen the UV glue on late night TV ads. Whether it actually works or not, I’ve no idea.
Sorry to our host if this is slightly off topic.
@Cally, After some checking on various websites (several companies make it) and You Tube, looks like the UV cure glue may have application under limited conditions. Joining clear glass/plastic and building up surfaces where the UV can reach will be a good use, but for joining opaque, ceramic or metallic materials it would be less useful, ie: the glue won’t cure where the light doesn’t shine. Cool though, I’ll have to get and try some.
Thanks!
People keep saying “glue,” but roll up a business card or something so that it’s small enough to fit in the neck/head hole but big enough to expand to fill it, slide a little into the neck and head, glue, then push together. Butt-joined pieces just aren’t strong, ever.
Decapitated and then put on the stove! That is one dead snowman.
Looks like a festive dalek now to me – I say keep it as is and put a mini recorder in it saying ‘exterminate’ and call it the best ornament for disturbing family members ever?
No decapitations of snowmen here but the ritual burning of the chrismas tree on the “New Year Pyre” (lighted of course exactly at midnight)
Saw old Xmas trees fed to goats, who eat all the needles, and chew bark which has natural de-worming compounds.