Well, Look Who Just Showed Up For Work
Posted on January 10, 2016 Posted by John Scalzi 49 Comments
Oh, hello, Winter. Nice you could make it. And only —
(glances at watch)
— three weeks late! Huh.
What? Something something El Nino something? Sure. Whatever. Look, if you won’t want the job, both Autumn and Spring are more than happy to pick up some extra shifts. They’re good workers. Happy to be here. You just let me know and I’ll go ahead and pencil them in.
No? Well, then. Maybe you’ll show up on time from now on. Okay? Good. Now get to work on the back. I can still see some green out there.
Still hasn’t shown up in your old town of Sterling, VA.
I was talking to a co-worker of mine Friday night, and we both had the same thoughts on winter weather. If it’s gonna be cold enough to snow, and it DOES snow, at least make it 6 inches or whatever. Otherwise winter should just move the fuck on and let spring/summer take over.
The problem here in Upstate South Carolina is that we never know what we will get if the white stuff starts falling. Hell, the night I enlisted in the Army, they were Calling for maybe 2 inches. Wound up with 14, but what’s a foot between friends? LOL Of course there are a few occasions where much more was predicted than what was delivered, I’m looking at you 2014.
We moved to the Midwest from south central Texas this year. This is our first real snow.
Made a special breakfast and am making a special dinner in honor of our first real SNOW!
Up in Montreal, we had a foot and a half of snow about a week back — after having nothing before that. Three or four years back, the snow was ca. 5 feet deep on either side of the driveway by this date. Now, we’re in the middle of 2 days of rain, so the snow’s dwindling fast. The weather, it are weird, and El Niño will only make things worse.
The rain woke me up this morning about 5:00, when I left the house at 7:30, it had just started snowing. I don’t mind the snow, I don’t mind the cold, but the wind is another story…..fortunately, I got my furnace replaced last Thursday evening (after being without one for 6 days). BTW, John, I see you were in Sidney yesterday. Did you stop at The Spot for lunch, or just take the picture from that corner?
Listen. I want a movie made of Old Man’s War. I know that’s not relevant to this post, but it needed to be said.
The snow I can take or leave (and six inches of snow’s too hard to get around in, and only benefits the neighbor kid who shovels it!) – but I was in NYC for Christmas, and it was 75 degrees(!) on Christmas Eve and 70 on Christmas Day! We had the Air Conditioner on Christmas Day in NYC.
Meanwhile – Australia is laughing at us.
Did you every think that maybe Winter was dealing with it’s own issues that had nothing to do with you and your petty concerns about time and promptness?
Winter has been late getting to you because it’s been here. You got our Summer. Please send it home.
timeliebe: Australia isn’t laughing at anybody. It’s on fire.
Don’t want the job, not won’t
I hope this snow will kill the last of the mint in my backyard here in PA. No point in living in a place with lots of hills if there is no snow.
Sent a quilt to father-in-law in NJ for Christmas. Received many thankyous for same, but suggested it should have gone to Mom in Phoenix. Christmas temperature in NJ: 60. Christmas temperature in AZ: 38. Go home winter, you are drunk.
I’m with Greg on this one. Especially right now, Winter has a lot of challenges going on. Winter shows up on time, maybe even puts in a bit of extra effort, and next thing you know, the global warming naysayers are hiding behind Winter, making claims and using Winter to back them up, even if Winter not only thinks they’re wrong but is worrying about job security in the face of all the evidence that they are wrong. Meanwhile, Winter has to fight against the weather machine to do its job, and whatever Winter does, someone is unhappy about it. A lot of snow? People bitch about having to get around in it, having to arrange for child care when the schools are closed but their bosses expect the parents to come to work, the cost of heating fuel, etc. Not a lot of snow? People bitch because they like snow, the people who run businesses that depend on snow and ice aren’t happy because they’re losing money. And now, even the North Pole isn’t a safe haven. What’s a season to do?
Snow has not arrived in New York City and I am not looking forward when it comes.
You’re complaining about 3 weeks? Here in the SF Bay Area we’re finally getting that rain we were expecting, only 3 years late!
Love the photo.
When you’re finished giving Winter a stern talking-to, can you send him to the Washington DC area? We’ve not seen hide nor hair of him yet, and it’s getting to be a nuisance. I’m sitting here wearing SHORTS in January, for pity’s sake!
What Dean Martin said. . .
Just had a line of heavy thunder storms roll through here in southern VT. Not the kind of winter I was expecting from January in Vermont.
This was so funny to read and so true, come on winter – pull your own weight!
I’ll do you a swap? Here in Perth, we’re having a couple of days in the high twenties (which most of us are taking as blessed relief after hitting 43C on Thursday last week) and we’re hoping rather urgently this break in the weather will finally allow the fireys to put the kibosh on the bushfire which has been burning in the immediate South-West since last Wednesday, and which has taken out the town of Yarloop and killed two people. The blaze may not be completely extinguished for months – like, until about May or June, when we’re due to get the winter rains – there will probably still be trees smouldering and flare-outs until then.
The major arterial roads down there have all been cut – the Forrest Highway looks likely to be the first to be re-opened, but nobody can say when, and when it comes back, it’s going to have speed restrictions until all the trees along the edges of it (and in the median strip) have been checked to make sure they’re not going to drop things on passing traffic. The South-West Highway looks to be closed for months – the Samson Brook Bridge got caught in the whole mess, and it’s wrecked (it’s photo 38 of 43 on this page: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-01-11/mop-up-continues-in-wa-bushfires/7079552?section=wa). There’s no mention of what condition the railway line is in, but since I rather sincerely doubt the Australind would be running until the danger is entirely over, this isn’t surprising. At present, if you want to get from Perth to Bunbury (about 200km away) you have to go down the Albany Highway as far as the Coalfields Highway, then cut across through Collie – adding about an extra 100km to the journey. What it means for Perth is that our local supplies of things like milk and green vegetables have been cut as well (the farmers are further south than the fires, but they can’t get through to deliver the produce). The dairies south of Harvey have been dumping milk, and I’ve no idea what the market gardeners are doing.
Meanwhile, I’ve been checking the forecast, and we’re looking at hitting 39C with possible thunderstorms again on Friday. (This bushfire was triggered by a lightning strike in a national park to the south of Perth). In a state with low water reserves in the first place (as at the 6th of January, the water storages in the Harvey region were only 45.8% full – compared against 76.1% on 06 JAN 2015. The Perth water storages are only 21.4% full) this is not good news.
Tom Hanks made a funny video recreating all of his movies in one take. If he could hold off on that one, Old Man’s War could be among them. Of course I speculate… But this fantasy of him playing John Perty is just too vivid.https://youtu.be/1ZWLWxpBv5g So yeah. I need that movie too.
And I keep telling Scalzi I’m an old broad. It’s going to piss me off if I die before that happens.
So what do we need to sign? Give a call to Spielberg for me, would you? International calls from Liberia are too expensive. I remember reading the first book. It was if I turned 10 years old again when my ability to get purely thrilled was so young…
I’ll see what I can do…don’t hold your breath.
What is it you do in Liberia?
Half-work while my husband really works. We are in the development aid consulting business. But mostly I go crazy here, it’s a forsaken place.
What I should have said, we are on a temporary assignment here. But it might be a year or so.
Well, it’s better than summer. I’m prone to heat rash. Mom used to have to blow a fan across my crib all summer to keep the prickly heat rash away. (If the baby ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.). All the same, I’m tired of wild weather swings. And I bet you poor souls in Perth are REALLY tired of wild weather swings.
My husband had never even heard of Liberia, so I showed him on a map. I’m in Tallahassee, FL, but we’re relatively new here, so I mostly go crazy as well.
Are you Americans?
He is, me not.
Liberia has a unique connection with the U.S. They are your little cousin. Look at their flag.
I vaguely recall the history. Wasn’t it founded as a place for freed slaves to emigrate to?
Shouldn’t that be “…if you *don’t* want the job…” rather than “won’t”? Not trying to be picky here. It’s just that that jarred, and now I’m wondering if it’s some kind of colloquialism. I mean, it makes sense to say “won’t” to denote future desires, but I’ve never heard that type of phrase constructed that way.
I actually paid a bit of attention in school. Always surprised by what I retained.
Sometimes I find myself remembering what’s written on the All-Bran box, but struggling to remember my nephew’s name (he hasn’t been around for too long yet).
Winter called in a few weeks ago (in Boston) but we told him we’re actually closed till mid-January and not to bother coming in before then. And he believed us.
Did you at least put a warning letter in Winter’s personnel file?
Winter was too busy here in IL. He killed my dog.
We had a couple of feet outside Albuquerque about a week ago. Same storm closed down Eastern New Mexico. We are down to under a foot a WEEK later! How can people LIVE like this. A Snowpacolypse!
I was stuck in Vermont May to September. I mentioned the Snowpacolypse from a few years ago – For an *entire* week, we had snow. The first snowfall dumped several feet *and* it did *not* melt for an *entire week! All I got was “Bless your heart.” (whatever that means.)
One simply does not move to the desert to be snowed in.
bandit, one does if one moves to high desert in New Mexico. One of my relatives lives in northern New Mexico, and there’s typically a lot of snow in winter there. Were you in NM in February 2011? If not, for a real winter horror story, ask the locals about when the natural gas service was shut down during record cold weather (down to 36 below zero in a couple of towns). The gas outages weren’t as bad in Albuquerque as up where my relative lives, but a lot of government offices, schools, and businesses shut down to conserve gas.
samk7912: I’m sorry for your loss.
Americans invented seasons to sell greeting cards. We have only one season in Ireland. The wet season!
Yeah, I’ve been telling people that it’s finally starting to feel like November. (I’m in Michigan.)
We’ve been having heat-wave after heat-wave this summer (South Africa). 39C last week Thursday (that’s in the shade). Summer came early, hit hard and hasn’t abated much.
I prefer the cold. I can always get a jacket.
Scalzi, you just had to go and taunt Ol’ Man Winter, didn’t ya?
Winter finally arrived in England 10 or so days ago, after a 5 month autumn. (December mean temperature record shattered.) Spring arrived close on its heels on the 21st.
[To be fair there could be cold wintry weather during the next couple of months – March 2013 was freakishly cold, with persistent snow down to fairly low levels – but the weather forecast looks set mild.]