Today is the Day I Figured Out My Wife May Be the Highlander

The first picture here is of Krissy in 1994, when we got engaged; you can see my goofy face cropped halfway off there. The second is from 2007, nine years ago. The third is from 2011, five years ago. The final one is from this weekend, at Penguicon.

Best guesses: Highlander; vampire; has a painting in the attic; deity slumming around on planet Earth just for kicks. I mean, you tell me.

No matter which it is, I’m happy to spend my time with her.

I do not look like I did in 1994. Alas.

46 Comments on “Today is the Day I Figured Out My Wife May Be the Highlander”

  1. Well, we could probably eliminate picture in the attic easily enough, just walk up there and take a look around. Highlander and Vampire are harder to do though.

  2. Never had heard the “picture in the attic” reference before so I learned something today. Let me return the favor:

    Don’t let on that you suspect she is any of the things you mention, she might have to make you disappear to keep her cover.

  3. Highlander isn’t a term for an immortal in the movies/series, it refers to the one(s) who are actually from the Scottish highland, and was a man as of 1986. Is Krissy a Scot?

    The teeny bit of gray by the right temple suggests that she isn’t completely static, just aging really slowly. Have you considered Númenórean?

  4. I’m guessing she doesn’t smoke, drink a lot, or wear a lot of makeup. All three of those things can age a woman really fast. She’s a beautiful lady!


  5. Obviously, she has been surreptitiously draining your lifeforce over the past two decades. I mean, look at you!


    Nice pics, BTW.

  6. Does she wake in the middle of the night shouting, “There can be only ONE!”? Do you have strange electrical storms? So totally the highlander then. Be on the look out for Russian types and Sean Connery with a katana.

  7. I don’t know the answer to your question, but I think you have a book idea there: slumming deity weds mortal and hijinks ensue when he mistakes her for a vampire?

  8. As a Chicagoan, we have the painting from the end of the movie of Picture of Dorian Gray hanging in the Art Institute. I should make sure it’s still there. (And it’s really damn freaky; the thing is like 8 feet high.)

  9. I doubt she it’s doing the “Dorian Grey” . On the other hand she might be from Wonder Woman stock. Lucky you. On the gripping hand, my other half is Irish and seems to have a pact with the Celtic gods.

  10. I’ll go with the deity thing – since, as Shirley Will pointed out, her daughter is named Athena.

  11. Oh god. Now the sad puppies will start screaming “unfair ! Unfair ! Even the Gods and Goddesses are siding with the gamma bunny !!”

  12. My money’s on “deity slumming around on planet Earth just for kicks.” I mean, mother of Athena, too, right?

  13. She does look barely older than she did 22 years ago, yes. It means she probably has long telomeres. I don’t want to be negative but looking much younger than your chronological age implies lots of cell division going on, and while this is very good as far as not getting age-related things like arthritis and heart disease goes it slightly increases the risk of cancer, so she should be extra-careful about checking for lumps.

  14. That last photo looks like she’s lit by quite a bit of sunlight so we can probably rule out vampire. Slumming goddess? I don’t see why not… It’s not like it hasn’t happened before (Hi Mrs Dalliard!)

  15. I’m currently going through Bank’s Culture series. She may be visiting Earth from the Culture and decided to stay a while. she decided to let some hair turn grey to remove suspicion.

  16. She seems to be nice about not draining you right away. It’s kind of her to take her time like that. You haven’t noticed any unexplained punctures on your neck, have you?

  17. It is remarkable how little she has changed. Stress, bad habits (drugs, drinking and smoking) and poor diet are some of the primary culprits of early aging and weight gain. Living with a successful, supportive mate can make all the difference in the world, so you, my dear Scalzi, are as responsible for her timeless beauty as genetics or blind luck. I imagine she serves as a muse for helping bring out your talent, so we’re all fortunate the two of you found one another.

  18. Pedantry: Ramirez was not Spanish, he only said he worked for the king of Spain. He said he was Egyptian. He had a Spanish name, but when you are immortal you have to change names a lot.

    Does she have any old acquaintances that she will only meet on holy ground?

  19. I’m going to go with bathing in the blood of virgins. works for Patrick Stewart and Robert Downey Jr…

  20. Sounds legit to me. So does that make Sir Patrick Stewart the Kurgan? Or what?

  21. I’m another Highlander/immortal–I don’t think I’ve changed since what, age 12? I pass for 16-21 on average and I’m nearing forty.

    I chalk it up to clean living, no kids, and a fat head.

  22. An excellent book on a similar note, minus the decapitations and Quickenings, was Poul Anderson’s The Boat of a Million Years. I’m not saying he had a “consultant” for the book, but, well, you might want to ask the wifey about that. :)

  23. “I do not look like I did in 1994. Alas.” Well, this is probably to your benefit, what with that whole, “There can be only one,” thing.

  24. If that’s actually grey at her temples, we might be looking at Nick Fury’s Infinity Formula. The real Fury, not the movie guy.

  25. Dear Folk,

    Oh, people, people, people.

    You fail to comprehend.

    That touch of grey you think you see in her hair? THAT’S the makeup!

    Gotta maintain a bit of disguise, y’know.

    pax / Ctein

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