Today is the Day I Figured Out My Wife May Be the Highlander

The first picture here is of Krissy in 1994, when we got engaged; you can see my goofy face cropped halfway off there. The second is from 2007, nine years ago. The third is from 2011, five years ago. The final one is from this weekend, at Penguicon.

Best guesses: Highlander; vampire; has a painting in the attic; deity slumming around on planet Earth just for kicks. I mean, you tell me.

No matter which it is, I’m happy to spend my time with her.

I do not look like I did in 1994. Alas.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

46 replies on “Today is the Day I Figured Out My Wife May Be the Highlander”

Well, we could probably eliminate picture in the attic easily enough, just walk up there and take a look around. Highlander and Vampire are harder to do though.

Never had heard the “picture in the attic” reference before so I learned something today. Let me return the favor:

Don’t let on that you suspect she is any of the things you mention, she might have to make you disappear to keep her cover.

Highlander isn’t a term for an immortal in the movies/series, it refers to the one(s) who are actually from the Scottish highland, and was a man as of 1986. Is Krissy a Scot?

The teeny bit of gray by the right temple suggests that she isn’t completely static, just aging really slowly. Have you considered Númenórean?

Does she wake in the middle of the night shouting, “There can be only ONE!”? Do you have strange electrical storms? So totally the highlander then. Be on the look out for Russian types and Sean Connery with a katana.

As a Chicagoan, we have the painting from the end of the movie of Picture of Dorian Gray hanging in the Art Institute. I should make sure it’s still there. (And it’s really damn freaky; the thing is like 8 feet high.)

She does look barely older than she did 22 years ago, yes. It means she probably has long telomeres. I don’t want to be negative but looking much younger than your chronological age implies lots of cell division going on, and while this is very good as far as not getting age-related things like arthritis and heart disease goes it slightly increases the risk of cancer, so she should be extra-careful about checking for lumps.

It is remarkable how little she has changed. Stress, bad habits (drugs, drinking and smoking) and poor diet are some of the primary culprits of early aging and weight gain. Living with a successful, supportive mate can make all the difference in the world, so you, my dear Scalzi, are as responsible for her timeless beauty as genetics or blind luck. I imagine she serves as a muse for helping bring out your talent, so we’re all fortunate the two of you found one another.

Pedantry: Ramirez was not Spanish, he only said he worked for the king of Spain. He said he was Egyptian. He had a Spanish name, but when you are immortal you have to change names a lot.

Does she have any old acquaintances that she will only meet on holy ground?

An excellent book on a similar note, minus the decapitations and Quickenings, was Poul Anderson’s The Boat of a Million Years. I’m not saying he had a “consultant” for the book, but, well, you might want to ask the wifey about that. :)

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