Hey, I Feel Like Giving Away This Subterranean Press ARC of “The Dispatcher”
Posted on December 12, 2016 Posted by John Scalzi 875 Comments
And I could give it away to you! Yes you, wherever you are in the world. I’ll even sign it (and personalize it, if you like).
Here’s what you have to do to enter:
In the comment thread attached to this entry, tell me what animal I’m thinking of right now.
(Note: I have told Krissy which animal it is, so I can’t change my mind.)
Two hints: It’s a land animal, and it’s a vertebrate.
Only one animal per entry, one entry per person. Entries with multiple animals will be disqualified as will any additional entries from anyone aside from the first. When you comment, in the “email” field, leave an actual email I can reach you at (don’t leave it in the body of the comment, unless you want everyone to know your email). Only comments here on Whatever will be considered for the contest (i.e., don’t leave comments on Twitter or Facebook or anywhere else).
You have until noon Eastern on Tuesday, December 13, 2016 to enter. I’ll close the comment thread after that.
In the case of multiple people guessing the same animal, I’ll tally up the number of the people who guess the animal (up to the first six TWENTY because I just found my 20-sided die) and then roll a die. The number that comes up will correspond to the number of the person who guess (for example, if the number rolled is a two, then the second person to correctly guess the animal wins, etc).
If you like, while you’re guessing the animal to win the ARC, you can also pre-order the final print version from Subterranean Press, either in the unsigned trade edition, or the signed, limited edition (only 400 of those). The print version arrives in May, and features awesome cover and interior art by Vincent Chong. And of course, it’s currently available in the audio edition, read by Zachary Quinto.
Good luck with your guessing!
Notes!
1. Follow directions outlined above, please.
2. Comments in this thread that are not a guess (questions, etc) will be snipped out. Guesses only, please.
3. My decision on the winner is final.
Giraffe!
Shrew
Wombat
zebra
Seeing your entry in the last weeks: Cat!
Musk Ox!
Ibex
Salamander
(Do I need to be more specific?)
Honey Badger
Koala?
Iguana
platypus
Kakapo?
Aardvark
Wombat
Pangolin
Leopard
llama
Aardvark
Scamperbeast
Turtle
Hyena
Squirrel
capybara
Elephants! (I Like Elephants!)
Aardvark
One of your scamperbeasts.
Gila monster.
Pademelon
Kangaroo
I’m going to guess feline aka cat aka scamperbeast.
Dog
It is obviously a Pangolin. Clearly.
Dog
Turtle
Llama
Tiger
Okapi!
Pangolin
It’s a whale that has suddenly fallen to earth!
Tiger!
Cat
Cat.
Platypus
Deer
Okapi!
Rhinoceros
Tiger
wolf
Sloth
Horse
Teledu
Sheep
Platypus
Fox!
snow leopard
Reindeer
Jackal
Owlbear!
it’s got to be your cat
Since you didn’t say “Species” but “Animal,” I’m gonna go with Donald Trump.
Muskrat.
Tapir
Jackal
Kudu
warthog
Penguin, because why not.
Naked Mole Rat
Weasel.
Naked Mole Rat
Armadillo
a unicorn farting rainbows :-P
Wildebeest.
Puffin
Panda
Cat
Cheetah.
monkey
Zebra
Emu
Cheetah.
African swallow?
Lemming
Wolverine!
Wolf
Sugar glider
Scamperbeast
A sheep.
(But I admit to loving “The Android’s Dream”, and have three fiber fuzzies yelling outside…)
ocelot
Hedgehog
Ferret
The ever noble cheetah. (Apologies if it’s a dup; password reset required, whee)
Zebra!
Ferret?
A human.
Gazelle
Squirrel
Marmaset
Hippopotamus
Sloth
tamandua
Ocelot
Anteater
Goat
Vicuña
Aardvark
Giraffe
Ring-tailed lemur
Naked mole rat!
Capybara
Sugar glider
Capybara
Turtle
Bear
Chinchilla
Elephant?
Kangaroo!
A quokka, of course!
Axolotl. It’s almost, though not quite, like a land animal, but let’s face it; how can you NOT be thinking about them.
Gerbil
Pig (I’m going with bacon)
Three-toed sloth
A guinea pig
Goat!
Platypus.
Otter
Ferret.
Krissy is a land animal and a vertabrate.
Horse
Lemur. (Frink! Ptang!)
Cheetah
Echidna
rat!
Cougar
A cat.
Dog
Dik-dik.
What? It’s a real animal! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dik-dik
Kitten
Skink
Squirrel!
Tortoise
That very specific white tiger who wanted to sit in the box but then pretty much destroyed the box
Caracal
Stoat
Cat!
Given the time of year, reindeer
raccoon
A rhino
Aardvark
I’m going to go with a classic here: Cat aka Scamperbeast.
wombat
Elephant
Red Panda
Meerkat
Mans bestest friend, the dog
Pit viper
Aye-Aye
Marmot
Chicken
Aardvark
lemur
Pangolin
Iguana
Mongoose
A sheep, of course. What else?
Ninja-kitten!
Thylacine aka Tasmanian tiger.
Maine Coon
Horse
Ocelot
Ocelot
Giraffe, for the tragic news coverage they’ve been getting lately.
Squirrel
I’m going with the good old Canadian Long Horse, aka the Moose
Zebu!
Coati (a.k.a. coatimundi)
coatimundi
tengu
so that’s a tie … right ??
Marmot
^^^ That’s too bizarre!
Wildebeast
Reindeer
Lemur
Gorilla!
Elephant
Reindeer
Rhinoceros
Pangolin
Echidna
Scampercat!
Binturong
Giraffe
Raccoon!
Cat
Armadillo!
platypus
Rhinoceros
Woodchuck
Marmot
Porcupine (I was going to say Armadillo, but that’s been taken :-( ).
springbok
A skunk.
Chinchilla
Human being.
South African Honey Badger.
Scamperbeast!
mouse
Rabbit
Maroset
Warthog
spotted salamander
Kangaroo
Human
Aardvark
Kangaroo?
A cat, of course!
Puma
Llama
Cow
Penguins along with Lyle Lovett
lemur!
opossum
Cat
Cat is just too obvious. I’ll go with the 2nd obvious (even though I know I won’t win because RARELY ever do) – Reindeer.
I’m wracking my brain because I think there might have been an animal in The Dispatcher but I can’t remember what it was so I’m probably just crazy …. ier.
Bottle Nose Dolphin
A rabbit with a mile wide vicious streak and big sharp teeth?
Platypus.
Human
Stoat
Alpaca
Marmot.
It’s gotta be a marmot.
Opossum / Possum
giraffe
Cat?
I’m going with house cat, meow!
Donkey.
Because I’m an Eeyore fan for nearly 50 years now.
mountain lion
Chipmunk
Kangaroo
Feline
Ocelot!
Hippopotamus
ocelot
Musk ox
Wombat
Ibex
Zebra
Hippo (you just watched that USPS commercial)
Obviously the Scamperbeasts have influenced you and you are thinking of a cat.
Gecko
Opaki
Muskrat!
My guess is a giraffe.
Cat
binturong
Turkey
Well, it’s a bear.
Man
cat!
Bobcat
Star-nosed mole
Moose
Okapi
Hamster
Moose
Human
Okapi.
A goat
Gibbon
Sloth!
lemur
Tapir
kangaroo
Racoon
A dinosaur
Chicken
Hippopotamus!
Tasmanian Devil!
Zebra
Elephant
Hyena?
Zebra
Lynx
Tuatara
Cheetah!
Gnu
Water buffalo
Second vote for hedgehog, here.
Elephant
Okapi
Meerkat
Canadian Lynx
Fox
Grizzly Bear
Pangolin
House cat.
Thylacine
Ram
Cat
Human being
Penguin, duh
Vote #7 for ocelot!
Paedophryne amanuensis (micro frog)…ribbet
Hippopotamus
Flying Squirrel.
Kangaroo, obviously.
cat
Pangolin. It’s a matter of scale.
Red Panda
damn there are a lot of comments
C. elegans
Elephant.
I say wombat. Mostly that’s because I just like saying “wombat”, but it still works.
Gila Monster
Kangaroo!
pegasus
Dragon!
Manatee. But NOT dugong.
Kangaroo
Ocelot
Honey badger
Skink
Chicken!
horse
Werewolf! (Sorry, I just finished The Last Colony.)
You didn’t say *extant* land animal, so I’m going for an extinct animal. Because why not?
the Woolly Mammoth (Mammuthus primigenius)
Blast me for an idiot– LAND animal. Well in that case,clearly it’s a Burmese python.
Sloth
Was going to guess rhinoceros, specifically a pink one, but there’s so few votes for Dog, and so many for cat, I’m going to say dog. Not that I’m a cat hater at all, the scamper beats are cute:-)
Rodent of Unusual Size!
Rabbit
Pine marten
Human
Snake
Komodo Dragon
Reindeer.
Kind of difficult to retroactively read your mind . . . hmmm . . . Bat.
Giraffe.
pangolin!
aardvark
snow leopard
Armadillo
Weasel
Trump on my mind
Komodo dragon
Orangutan
It’s Christmas, so a hippo.
Lynx
opossum.
Kangaroo
Sheep
Lesser churrosaurus.
Quagga
Mouse
Orangutan
Binturong
Cat!
Coati.
Cat
It’s a Quokka, right? It must be a quokka. I mean, how could you disappoint this face?
https://goo.gl/images/NPtdXR
Badger. (Tried posting this before and it wouldn’t show up.)
Irish Setter
Lynx
Clearly it must be a GOPHER
Cat!
Aardvark.
weazel.
Scamperbeast
Bison.
Giraffe
Giraffe! Please give it to me…
Sloth
You were thinking of an aardvark that was netted by a passing airship flying at high speed via its twin props. This ship had been searching for a very rare species of aardvark. The captured aardvark being a particular subspecies that appears to form antibodies to the LQP-79 Zombie virus. You were then interrupted by a cat who seemed bothered by the strange look on your face,
Androids dream sheep
Otter
capybara
Snow leopard – thanks for the great reads, btw.
Werewolf
Wallaby
Egret
And if that’s wrong, I’ve got no egrets.
Cow
Kinkajou
Whale
Bear
must be an ostrich so you could hide your head in the sand if needed with all the nonsense going around :D
Beaver
Jaguar
Mouse
Caribou.
Emu
Moose
Terrapin.
Human
Cat
Alpaca
Groundhog
Reindeer
Dog.
Rhino
cat
Lizard
Tapir
Sloth
Alpaca!
A Corgi
Newt.
A cat–specifically a scamperbeast. Probably Sugar.
Flying squirrel
Sloth
Hippopotamus, because Sarah Gailey’s RIVER OF TEETH looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun. (Importing Hippos to Louisiana as a meat animal, what could go wrong?)
Fisher
Hamster
Centipede
Aardvark
Kangaroo
Snake
vole. (I was going to say mouse because one broke into the house last night and ate up all our English Muffins, but someone got there before me. And come to think of it, a vole could have just as easily burgled us. So that’s my answer. Vole.)
Gotta be scamperbeast
Mongoose?
Anteater
Savannah Lion
Mongoose.
Aardvark
Komodo Dragon
Alpaca
Coyote
llama!
Lemur.
Aardvark
Mewtwo from Pokemon!
Penguin
A Deer
Elephant
Sloth
Giraffe
Mole.
Black-billed wood hoopoe
Human
Caracal!
jackrabbit
Goat. It’s always goat.
Chimpanzee
Going with tiger because tiger!
Sloth
Llama
Coyote.
Sloth (I hope I don’t have to specify how many toes)
burro
Fox. :)
Cat
Yak!
Amazonian River Otter
I believe you are thinking of a giraffe because it is the preposterous sort of animal that you would think of.
Llama!
For anyone guessing Donald Trump… remember he said vertebrate. A Donald Trump is spineless. By the way, the correct animal is Emu.
Mountain lion
hippopotamus
You are thinking of a Slow loris
Tasmanian devil
Giraffe
rabbit
prairie dog
bear
camel
Turkey!
Ant eater
It is clearly a koala.
Camel!
Red panda
Trash Panda!
Tardigrade
crocodile
A pangolin!
Giant Panda. Can’t think of anything else.
Llama
Polecat
Cat, although I will admit that the very first response that popped into my head was “beaver”. Don’t know why and I have no empirical evidence to back that up so I” going with “cat”. I really like cats.
Black bear
Alligator
chameleon
Guesses seemed to be very focussed on mammals, so maybe I’ll get lucky.
Meerkat
The old cat you lost recently. Can’t remember its name.
Bonobo
Capybara. Not sure of the spelling but it’s the world’s largest species of rodent. Lives in the Amazon rainforest.
Hippo
Aardvark
Reindeer.
It’s that too obvious.
Dog, as in Ralph.
giraffe
Banded krait.
Jackass
CAT?
Aardvark
The only animal worth thinking about: a Keeshond!
Polar bear.
racoon
Bigfoot
You are thinking of a quoll. Specifically, a tiger quoll (Dasyurus maculatus). You might not have been thinking about it when you posted this, but you’re thinking about it now.
Rhinoceros
Unicorn
First thing that came to mind was your cat. But I’m guessing your thinking something else so my guess is
Hippo
Armadillo.
Platypus
European Badger
Wild boar.
Echidna
Cat!
Bandicoot
Ursus americanus — the American black bear!
Wallaby. It’s totally a Wallaby.
giraffe
You’re thinking of a jackelope. :D
Ostrich
Rat. Human sized. And orange. With tiny digits and strange fur.
Cow
Duck-billed platypus.
Hedgehog
Aardvark. Of course it’s an aadvark! how could it be anything but an aardvark.
Alpaca?
Going to play the percentages here and just guess:
Cat
pink fairy armadillo (an actual animal)
Reindeer
Velociraptor.
Turkey Vulture
Armadillo
Moose!
Hippo
Panther
A deer. And you are thinking about it because I mentioned it.
pig
Llama
coyote
Meerkat!
snake
African Wild Dog
Platypus
Human
Patagonian mara
Sloth.
Kingston’s Bison Boar™ as depicted in The Androids Dream.
Buffalo
Spice!
Human being
Wombat
capybara
It’s obviously a giraffe.
squirrel
Flying fox
Lion
Kangaroo
Direwolf!
Snake!
Badger!
Llama!
Scamper beasts?
Cat
OKAPI
Wildebeest!
Human
Jerboa
Porcupine
Marmot
Tapir.
Dikdik
Ocelot.
Lemur
Cat!
Deer
Marten.
Siberian tiger
Cat
Platypus
Clearly an aardvark.
Rattlesnake.
Cat
Reindeer
Kinkajou!
Electric Sheep?
Cat
Badger
Mule
reindeer.
Cassowary
Bilby. Because they look cool and are endangered.
Moose! Mostly cause I’m writing from Canada.
Mink.
Siberian white tiger.
Jaguar
raccoon
Interesting, I’m not the only one to choose vole.
Inspired by Twentieth-Century Vole!
(But then why didn’t I choose Python? No matter, vole it is.)
Ass
Poison tree frog
Pig.
Is it a Meerkat?
Chickadee
Coyote. (Holy cow, it’s a commenting frenzy !)
Moose.
Otter
Armadillo
Tarsier
Honey Badger
Orangutan
polar bear
Tiger
Whaidian
I say it’s a coconut crab, Birgus latro, the largest arthropod living on the land.
Definitely an elephant. Has anyone else said elephant?
Has to be a cat, right?
Snake
The aye-aye.
Tree sloth
Ring-tailed lemur
A fuzzy!
Cat would be too easy. I was going to be the seventh person to guess wombat, but then decided that my final answer will be:
*Elephant*
…Because: “If I say ‘don’t think about elephants,’ what do you think about?” “Elephants.”
Tortoise.
Definitely. Turtles are aquatic.
Rat
i want to change my vote, i just reread that it was vertebrate….
still sicking with a vaguely polynesian theme though, you were definitely thinking of the:
Hawaiian Nene, (Branta sandvicensis), the only goose native Hawaii
Penguin!
Pygmy hippo
Ibex
Tazmanian devil
Wolf.
(Rather shocked it hasn’t been picked by now)
Giraffe
Gazelle
Cow
Rhinoceros
Jaguar
Eland. (It was the first animal I thought of that I didn’t find on this page via search.)
Turkey buzzard (just how close are you to Hinckley ?)
Alpaca
Sloth
Reindeer
Cow
I can either go through over 600 comments to see what already has more than 20, or I can try and think of something unlikely to have a bunch of responses.
Echidna
Aardvark.
Most definitely a..
Dog
Dog
Platypus
Armadillo
Sloth
Okapi
Raccoon.
Skink
Monkey
Tyrannosaurus
platypus
Giraffe
Koala
Skunk
Echidna
Grey whale
Bearded dragon aka pogona
badger
A Tapir!
Polar bear
Reindeer
Wildebeest
A rat!
Pangolin.
scamperbeast
Cat.
Human.
yak
Komodo dragon
Sparrow
Rat
Unicorn!! (My favorite animal)
Agouti
Fossa! And if you aren’t thinking about a fossa, you should. Because they’re awesome!
Lynx
Giraffe
impala
It’s a bandicoot. Of course, it is.
Human
cat
quokka
Naked mole rat
Horse
horse
Ocelot
Penguin
alpaca
Husky
Huacaya Alpaca. Not a Suri Alpaca, because those are just silly.
Capybara.
Wallaby
Squirrel
Komodo dragon!
Slow Loris
Obviously John is thinking of a PANGOLIN!
Giraffe
Perhaps a Quokka?
Giraffe
platypus
Przewalski’s Horse
Triceratops
Hairy nosed wombat!
penguin
jackalope
Tanuki
Skunk
Tasmanian Devil
Cat
Sloth. (Hey, they’re cute!)
Cow
Elephant. Maybe even named Babar…
Gorilla
Tapir
Aardvark
Weasel
Mongoose!
🐱Cat
Komodo dragon
Harpy eagle.
Salmon. A slippery shiny salmon.
Glyptodon, the giant Age of Mammals armadillo.
A mouse
Leopard
Duck
Echidna
Bandicoot
Alpaca
Tiger
Cat.
Tortoise
Panther
Pterodactylus antiquus. (Nothing in the rules excludes extinct species.)
Platypus
elephant
Badger
giraffe
Polar bear
Kiwi
Horse
Cat.
I personally think its the scamperbeasts but my official guess is:
Antelope.
The only reason for this is nobody seems to have added it to the list yet.
A quick analysis of your twitter feed at the time you posted this competition suggests that you had cats on your mind given the number of cat-themed posts. Therefore, as sad and obvious as it seems, I must guess…
A CAT!
Pangolin!
Armadillo
Cat
giraffe
Flores Hobbit (homo floresiensis)
Cat is faaar tooo obvious, so I’ll bet a hyena
Triceratops!
Obviously an okapi.
sloth
Sheep
Bunny rabbit
Moose
cat
Tiktaalik
Fennec Fox
Echidna
Donkey
Platypus? I think a lot about them…
giraffe
Well, in honor of the viral video that I’ve seen going around – wolverine.
a peacock ?
Pangolin
llama
lemming
Human
Tapir
Reindeer
Red Panda (a.k.a., Firefox)
Kangaroo
an otter, of course :)
Bison!
It’s a rhino.
Tortoise. Thanks for the giveaway!
Aardvark
Marmoset
Manx Cat
Ocelot
Lemur
black footed ferret
Kangaroo
Aardvark, obviously.
Gekko
Snake!
A rat.
Cow
Bonobo
I’m tempted to go with something you referred to recently, but instead I’m’a go with wombat.
skink
A weasel
It’s obviously armadillo
Hippo
dog
Bobcat
Chinchilla
Leopard
Aurochs.
Fox
Panda
Squirrel?
Swamp rat
Gerbil
It’s definitely a fisher.
Aardvark!
Llama
Sloth
Must be a cat, eh?
Mole Rat
Possum
Buffalo
Numbat
What is a dog? (Jeopardy rules)
Mule
Whaidian
a cat!
Yak
Armadillo
Hyrax, an angry one.
Cat seems too obvious, but still: cat.
Hoatzin!
Buffalo
Echidna.
Bear!
Ocelot. Definitely an ocelot. No doubt about it.
Capybara
Raven
Stupid long horse! (Giraffe)
Sloth
Wombat
Wombat
Cockatoo
Sasquatch
Penguin (not saying if I mean the animal or the Batman villain)
Canada Goose
Pangolian
Binturong (bearcat)
Marmot!
Elephant
Anteater
Red fox
crocodile
Capybara
a cat
a disappointed donkey
Klipspringer
Hippo
Bunny?
dinosaur, raptor
dinosaur, raptor (email needed adjusting)
Lion?
Hyrax
Otter
orangutan
Aardvark
Moose
Sand cat
Pangolin. Surely everyone thinks about Pangolins?
Platypus
A little Fuzzy, wait not sure if they have vertebrae. Gonna go with Tasmanian Devil.
hedgehog
tyrannosaurus rex!
Polar Bear
Shrew
Skink?
Badger!
toad
Cat!
wombat
Panther.
Aardvark.
Gopher
lamb
Man
Capybara
The neighbour’s chicken.
Deer.
Cat
Now that the deadline has passed, will you tell us the animal you were thinking of?
:)
Bear