So I Spent My Entire Day Dealing With a Recalcitrant iPhone Upgrade and the Result is I Want to Murder Everything and Everyone, and Am Thus Not Fit Company For Other Humans, So Here, Have a Picture of a Cat
Posted on January 11, 2017 Posted by John Scalzi 67 Comments
As for me, fuck it, I’m having ice cream for dinner.
Note I have no intention of answering questions about it here at the moment, so probably better not to ask. Also, I don’t want to hear that you didn’t have a problem upgrading your iPhone. How nice for you. I don’t care.
Rocky Road?
iPhone upgrades often are.
Ice cream for dinner sounds like the only way to not go to bed completely angry.
I’m sorry.
And it sounds like the sort of day where I’d want a chimichanga for dinner and not just enchiladas.
Entropy is an iPhone.
Make sure there is fresh fruit on that ice cream. And nuts. Maybe syrup. A balanced diet is a thing of beauty.
PS this is why I won’t do that last upgrade of this Macbook – no ice cream in the freezer!
Don’t get ice cream on your new iPhone! Have you tried “Chocolate Therapy” by Ben & Jerry’s?
It will change your life if you love chocolate. :)
Apple upgrades can be a pain, since iOS 10 I can’t listen to what I want in my car, Music app has decided that it would randomly shuffle my entire collection when it so please. In fact I’d go one step further and say that quality control at Apple has died with Steve. I have zero confidence in my iPhone ever working perfectly again: it does whatever the hell it wants, whenever it wants. A 1k$ (6+ max storage) phone with a mind of its own and up to 40 seconds screen freezing, all random (I have developed patience as a result of this, but it was this or smashing the damn thing against the wall). I have had many moments like the one John describes in the title (in fact many keyboards have met their untimely demise on my knee in the (quite distant) past, though sometimes years later I find a keyboard key under a furniture and smile), and being a bug trigger I can kill a PC, ATM or other devices just by looking at them wrong sometimes). So I changed the way I feel about it (I used to be a bug hunting relentless machine before, treating bugs like the T-800 treated Sarah Conor), I have decided to just live with my bugs now, otherwise I’d be eating ice cream for every meal and generate more anger than is fair for humans around me to be a witness to. Feel your pain, John, enjoy the ice cream, I recommend Haagen Dazs Salted Caramel.
Itunes is proof the devil exists (an atheist writes). Nothing of human origin can be that fickle cruel and unusual.
I just say no to updates.
Murder everything and everyone? My feelings exactly! They deserve it! And save the iPhone itself for last, crushing it to powder in your hand using the superhuman power of your righteous rage!
Meanwhile the cat will eat your ice cream…
*hugs*
The cat looks Trumped off. Take off your shoes off the floor of the closet That cat looks highly urinated.
iSympathize. If only my wife didn’t like apple stuff…
Though I love Apple products, they have all the soul of the pre-reform Grinch when it comes to do anything just a wee bit beyond the usual support. Let’s just say I no longer have a iPhone because they managed to kill it with a mandated security update. (Ten hours of attempting to reboot followed by a very dead device.) And their comment was that well, I’d got many years of service out of it…
I had ice cream for dinner! A thousand piece puzzle is kicking my butt.
I recommend Zanzibar Chocolate ice cream from The Chocolate Shoppe as therapy. It’s the only dark-chocolate ice cream I’ve ever found, and it is To. Die. For. Seriously, if you know anyone in the south-central Wisconsin area well enough that they’d be willing to ship you a gallon, you will not find anything better suited to wipe the bitter taste of uncooperative technology from your tongue.
It is tales of woe like yours that keep me staunchly connected to my old-fashioned land line. I don’t have a cell phone, don’t want a cell phone, and when I hear about someone who is as technologically connected and current as you having this bad of an experience with a cell phone, it just reinforces my fundamental conviction that I will never, ever own one of the bloody things. I am convinced that I’d be dead of a heart attack (or else in jail for attempted murder) within a month of getting one.
Enjoy your ice cream, and thanks for the kitty picture.
Cat photo probably not taken with the iPhone.
And I’m sure that Athena appreciates your efforts on her behalf.
The only flavor you ever need is peanut butter and chocolate, and you all know it’s true.
I recommend three scoops chocolate ice cream smothered in hot fudge. That was the house specialty sundae at an ice cream parlor that used to be in town; it’s not only easy to duplicate at home but an excellent mood-adjuster if you like chocolate.
Mousse Tracks EXTREME!!!!!
I hope it’s your absolute favorite ice cream and toppings. Personally, I’d be all about the chocolate and toffee bits. But I know everyone has their own thing.
In our house this kind of experience is referred to as “Upgrade Sharks” after https://xkcd.com/349/
You deserve ice cream at the very least. Enjoy!
I’m sorry to hear it. If you ever feel like venting with more detail, I’d be interested in the tales of woe
Reads like a trip to Beaver Creek Mall to the Apple Store.
It sounds like you earned it. I hope it makes you feel better.
Spice sez: No opposable thumbs. Can’t help with the phone – even if I wanted to. But you can give me a pat, and that’ll be good for your cardiovascular health. I will stare at you until you do. P.S. If it’s vanilla, I expect a little taste, thanks Dad. ^_^
What flavour? I had Peach, Strawberry and Rose, and Nutella swirl. Melbourne has some excellent gelati shops….
Interesting. I read this ten minutes after posting:
“And furthermore, I’m having a big piece of chocolate pie for dinner. Take THAT, insane day.”
I suppose some things are just universal.
iPhone 10.2? You were warned… Enjoy the ice-cream.
If I was a troll, I’d say something about how much better Android phones are. But not today.
(peanut butter/chocolate chip!)
Ice cream for dinner means no sleep, at least for me. But maybe Scalzi has an allen metabolism. That would explain a few things.
Christian Kallias – you’re right about Salted Caramel, but it’s the Ben and Jerry version that can make everything right. And, yes, the iPhone sucks – mine is possessed by demons. I hate it, I loathe Apple, but I’ll only give it up when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. (I gave up booze, I kicked a cocaine addiction, but there’s something about my iPhone…)
Sorry your day sucked.
But..thank you for this. There are days when I completely loathe my tech and feel exactly like this. Well, except that I don’t have a cat.
Next time, I’ll have to remember about the ice cream.
My sympathies. I’ve had days (and upgrades) like that. Thank you for the ice cream for dinner idea, and all the upthread commenters for ice cream ideas. But no one has mentioned mocha almond fudge yet. With hot fudge and whipped cream, of course.
Can’t we all just get along?!
@Cat Eldridge: I learned the hard way that one must never, ever replace the components inside an Idevice, including the battery. Because if the electronics of the replacement part are not blessed by Apple, the device will refuse to do a software upgrade and instead brick itself with a cryptic itunes error. Un-repairing the phone, putting the broken part back in, enabled me to unbrick it and finish the upgrade, after which I was able to put the less dead battery back in. (and this old phone will never see another software update, so I don’t need to worry about encountering the problem again in the future).
The last time I had to upgrade my iThingy things went… Less than optimal. Some yelling was involved, as was the phrase “reprogram you with a claw hammer”
It eventually deigned to work mostly up to spec again, but I went shopping for an Android tabled the next day.
You are very probably a good human who deserves treats.
Exactly how I felt yesterday trying to learn enough about instantiating multiple threads in C# to make my project work correctly. Holding a sick cat and making her purr fixed it nicely while simultaneously putting it into the proper perspective. So, I suggest holding a cat and making it purr as a salve. Purrs are the new Prozac.
I second Colonel Snuggledorf’s comment about The Chocolate Shoppe’s Zanzibar Dark Chocolate ice cream. Here’s a URL you can order it from if you want to try it: http://www.icecreamsource.com/Chocolate-Shoppe_c_42.html
I had Flan – two servings…
I used to live in western Ohio. Young’s Dairy, in Yellow Springs, sells Cow Patty, dark chocolate with chocolate-covered brickle bits. I miss it. John is probably within driving distance of Yellow Springs.
It must be the new Iphones that have all the problems. I have version 6 or 7, I forget which–the last one with a headphone jack–and it works fine. So when it goes, I’ll know to buy some other brand. Thanks for the warning!
Wuzza. Two scoops of ice cream, at least. And hot fudge (if you like hot fudge. I am told there are those who do not).
Since when does it require a recalcitrant upgrade (of anything tech) to have ice cream for dinner ?
I gave up on the iPhone after the upgrade from (IIRC) iOS 3 to 4.
Ran the upgrade, having backed up my content to iTunes. Then went to restore and it basically said: “Those backups I told you were fine? I lied.”
So I thought: “Sod that, I’ll go back to iOS 3 until they sort it out.” Nope. Not possible.
Rang Apple support – their answer, filleted for content was: “Sucks to be you.”
Fortunately, I’d backed up my contacts to Google.
I’ve been a happy Android user ever since.
“I Want to Murder Everything and Everyone”
Sounds like you may have actually turned into a cat.
That is one of the reasons I keep my phones as dumb as possible.
While I haven’t had that particular variety, @Colonel Snuggledorf is right. Hexx Chocolate in the Paris Casino in Vegas also has a few varieties of single-sourced dark chocolate ice cream and it is pure bliss.
Can USPS or UPS or anyone get ice cream from Wisconsin to Ohio before it melts? Oh, wait, it’s winter! Winter in the midwest! Just leave the rear door rolled up, ice cream will arrive properly solid.
@Occasional Correspondent: Ben & Jerry’s used to mail their ice cream (Ice Cream By Mail, ICBM). I think they packed it with dry ice in styrofoam. That way, the driver doesn’t also arrive solid.
FL Transplant, I know where that mall is, although when I was a user, there was no Apple Store (and get off my lawn!)
Rens, I am so handing that phrase ‘Reprogram you with a claw hammer’ off to DH, who does tech support and is currently arguing with an ancient Dell, 32 bit.
I don’t know if they have phased it out everywhere or just locally, but if you can get your mitts on it, I recommend Haagen Dazs Limoncello gelato. Frozen lemon cheesecake.
These folks also ship – http://threetwinsicecream.com/ – and their cardamom ice cream is absolutely fabulous, as is the Mexican chocolate
Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Hope the day got better.
Or you bought an android (yeah Imma asshole).
Urg. I sympathize. I hope you enjoy your ice cream and that the rest of your day goes more smoothly.
I am feeling deeply out of sorts myself, though only because of what I keep tripping over in the news rather than any revolt of my iDevices. It occurs to me that I will be having dinner at a deli that specializes in ice cream. And it’s unusually warm for January.
Hmmm.
Reminds me of the time my computer broke last year. With 2 weeks remaining in the semester.
Yeah, I’d be pissed too.
Seriously, tech has become the biggest pile of poo! Apple doesn’t want to play with anybody else. Microsoft doesn’t want to play with anybody else. Google broke that proprietary crap a decade ago. But even Google’s Android is starting to get finicky. None of them want us, the user and – more importantly – the consumer, to get what we need to suit our lives, not their business models. Gah! A pox upon ye all!
Isn’t technology wonderful?
This is why, even with an iPhone that I bought in 2011, I’m terrified to go to the store for an upgrade.
I spent an hour and a half on the phone with Comcast attempting to activate a recalcitrant router. Thanks for the cat picture. I needed that.
*offers virtual TimTams*
You have my sympathies.
iPhones do not brick, they become a decorative design iCon
This may be banhammer material, but I just replaced two US-based android phones (on 6.x) with two Spanish-based upgrades (on 7.x). Everything… just worked (apps remembered who we were, even remembered all the local network SSID’s and passwords). Music – on my SD card (so just swapped it over), photos (in the cloud, so no hickups there).
Even changing our phone numbers to another country didn’t cause any issues.
I used to have iphone envy (back in the days of android 2.x). Not any more.
Oh, BTW: Our local heladeria has some of the best ice-cream I’ve ever tasted. Maybe you can come visit (it’s reasonable weather here on the Costa Blanca, around 64F in the daytime, a great temperature to eat ice cream!)
The latest OS update wiped all music and playlists from my iPhone. This is not the first time this has happened. It also wiped my lovely Irene Adler text tone and there is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery. Don’t even get me started on dealing with that bloated piece of shit iTunes, the worst chunk of software this planet has ever seen.
Where’s my goddamn Ben & Jerry’s?!