The Last Temptation of Chuck Wendig: A Twitter Tale, Involving a Liverwurst Burrito
Posted on February 20, 2017 Posted by John Scalzi 17 Comments
CONTENT WARNING: Features liverwurst, and the end times.
Whatever
FURIOUSLY REASONABLE
WHATEVER
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John Scalzi, proprietor – JS
Athena Scalzi, contributor – AMS
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Jesus where the hell do you people come up with this shit?
And somewhere in California, Wil Wheaton staggers and then carefully lowers himself into the nearest seat. “I sense a great disturbance in the Tex-Mex Force,” he says in a shaken tone of voice.
I could support a liverwurst burrito if we can invent a pumpernickel tortilla. Maybe a mustard onion salsa.
Oh, how I love you two. I was having a down day and then… this. My two favorite bloggers in a Tweetstorm. Made me laugh out loud. You have NO idea how much I needed this. Thank you, thank you, thank you, bless you.
HOW THE HELL DO YOU PUT A SMOOTHIE IN A BURRITO?!?!
I can’t find a method for that in any “modernist cuisine” cookbook. Although the sections involving liquid nitrogen might apply.
I’m also slightly concerned at the implication that Chuck didn’t *already* reside in the dark side, or at least visit on a regular basis.
This lunch has happened before, and will happen again . . . again . . . again . . . again . . .
Made a burrito last night from leftover meatloaf, diced raw bermuda onions, leftover corn niblets, mashed potatoes, shredded chedder, and a bit of worstchestershire sauce. That’s right, a shepard’s pie burrito. It was yummy.
Since it’s the end days, involving liverwurst, wouldn’t it make this a … [puts on sunglasses] wurst-case scenario?
Oh man, I come home from a weekend out of town, turn on my computer, and find this? Aaaaargh……..
Actually, I think liverwurst would work in a burrito, particularly with mayonnaise and spicy mustard.
Maybe a little swiss cheese, too.
I could see a liverwurst Reuben Burrito, especially if the dressing had a lot of horseradish in it.
Scalzi and Wendig, if a gigantic deadly foil-wrapped cylinder is reentering the atmosphere above your respective homes, it’s because your burrito has been noticed by the mighty “BurritoJustice,” and has been ominously declared “not a burrito.”
You see, this San Francisco resident has a strong opinion on what is truly a burrito, and almost all examples come up wanting. And only he has control of the mightly Burrito Railgun! He has been known to use on entire cities that dare sell sad knockoffs that dare to misuse the name “burrito.” London was a recent victim, and as shown in the following link, “We had to destroy New York in order to save it.”
https://burritojustice.com/2014/11/26/not-a-burrito-nyc-edition-part-ii/
That is totally messed up.
“HOW THE HELL DO YOU PUT A SMOOTHIE IN A BURRITO?!?!”
Easy. Freeze it. Add sea-salt caramel ice cream.
For those who live in parts of the world that do not share a border with Mexico, let be point out that the definition of a burrito is _not_ taking whatever stale refrigerator scrapings you can find and stuffing them in a tortilla. Not that I am, as a bachelor, in any way opposed to the process of throwing ‘refer scraping into a tortilla-based delivery system. As Boon Daniels points out, _everything_ is better on a tortilla. (And, as an added plus, it saves on dishes since you don’t need to use a plate).
But a tortilla don’t make a burrito. Full stop.
Liverwurst, blue cheese, ranch dressing, pineapple chunks, jalapeno, sauerkraut, onion. Serve with Tums.
Everybody knows a liverwurst burrito properly includes Munster cheese and good quality mustard. But capers sound like a fine addition.