Your April Fool’s Day Fun: Build Your Own Fake Collapsing Empire Cover

As you may know, recently a fellow with more ineffectual rage than sense recently attempted to cash in on The Collapsing Empire by rushing out a “me too” book with a “me too” cover. I don’t suspect it fooled very many people, or did much other than to confirm some people have too much time on their hands, but one good thing to come out of it is that Camestros Felapton felt inspired to create a Collapsing Empire fake cover generator. An “explanation” and link to the cover generator may be found here. I had fun playing around with it, and I suspect you might as well.

Thus is represented the full sum of my April Fool’s tomfoolery today.

29 Comments on “Your April Fool’s Day Fun: Build Your Own Fake Collapsing Empire Cover”

  1. I wasted far too much time on this yesterday, and now you all can too.
    (And I feel like that should be one of the ego-boo line choices.)

  2. I hope the vandal your post alluded to didn’t make money on their venture … but I will note that Amazon eagerly promoted their book-like object to me as one I might want to buy, based on my purchasing and browsing history. Amazon deserves some opprobrium for their participation in such stunts.

  3. Jay – New Bern, NC – INGREDIENTS: coffee, books, music, podcasts, NPR, cats, movies, the Oxford comma, and Netflix - - - WARNING: may contain nuts - - - MADE IN THE USA
    Jay E.

    I enjoyed adding a burrito to the cover

  4. I probably could have happily gone for a good long time without being confronted with the word “prolapsing.” Thanks for that, Scalzi! :)

  5. This Just In: Exclusive footage from the scene of the crime . . . Just think books instead of used cars. And enjoy.

  6. This is fun! Thanks for the heads up!

  7. aztraph – Indiana – I fix, hack, build, bake, write, play, math. If i can't fix it, it pretty much can't be fixed. There are two mathematical impossibilities in the physical universe, zero and infinity. debates welcome.

    Best April fool to date, Bravo Sir!

  8. If your empire isn’t enough, there’s always the Overlapping Empire!
    The Uniblabbing Empire? (Jetsons reference.)
    lIf you need theme music, there’s always, “Cucumbers in Space,” from Deep Space Nine.

    ¿Burrito? I need a burrito. Especially a transwarp burrito. Was that what Hail Hweaton used to prep for his reading? ;) ‘Cause y’know, he’s been known to like burritos in podcasts.

    YouTube wanted to recommend several more videos, based on my viewing history.

    Amazon, the other day, did think I might want the charlatan’s book. I prefer the real author. Or perhaps his mirror-universe twin, the one without the beard! :D (No, I’m pretty sure the Scalzi unit looks better with the beard.)

  9. Read the headline, then scrolled down. My phone could only show the top half of the cover. And I was genuinely afraid to scroll further when I saw the word prolapse. May be the first time in my life the picture of a dumpster fire actually brought a sense of relief.

  10. “Harry Seldon and the Dancing Walrus: The charming story you always dreamed of.”

    That was a fun five minutes.

  11. What you fail to understand, Scalzi, is that he gets YUUUUGE numbers of visitors to his web-page, and they’re all there to worship him rather than laugh at him or archive quotes for “Fundies Say The Darndest Things”, which means he totally owns you, ços you only sell boring old books. Or something like that.

  12. Incidentally, your boring new book only hit our shores this weekend, and I had a boring old preorder for it. I look forward to being bored by it as fast as I can get to the boring shop tomorrow.

  13. Personally, I preferred The Gelatinous Quagmire. Awesome book! Who knew that Vax Doy could do humor and fear so well? That scene where Battleforce Mage Scaldizzi used the Typecastering Rod to strike the Quagmire with a stream of Icefire Water and got splashed with Giggle Gel and laughed himself to death while being devoured was just so… WOW! I forsook sleep until after the Alpha-men flew over the Quagmire and bombed it back to slime mold with the Testeroid Bomb. Turned that Gelatinous mess into something harder than stone!

  14. I was disappointed that the burrito was actually a burrito and not some weird food abomination wrapped in a tortilla. Major opportunity missed there.

  15. changterhune – Before you hear lies from Chang Terhune himself, we thought we’d tell you the truth: without us, his old action figures, he’d be nowhere. He loved science fiction from way back and began reading it at an early age, but it was through us that he acted it all out. That’s what led to the writing. He watched a lot of science fiction shows like Star Trek, U.F.O, and movies, too. But we were always there to do his bidding. And it’s like they say: you always forget about the little people on your way up. Oh, the 70’s and early 80’s with him were good times! He’d use these blocks and make all the crazy buildings for us to be in his stories. I gotta say the kid’s imagination was pretty damn fertile. Oh, he had friends, but they just weren’t into it like him. He was like the Lance Armstrong of action figures. And of science fiction. At first, when he began writing in the eighth grade, we didn’t mind. He still made time for us. And we knew that when he was holding us in his sweaty little hands and he got that far off look in his eye, he’d come back to burying us in the back yard or - god forbid! – blowing us up with firecrackers. But it was worth it for a part in one of those stories. We loved him for it. He kept us around even when we were minus a leg or two - or even a head. In that mind of his, he found a use for all of us. Then he discovered girls. October, 1986. It was like the end of the world. One day we’re standing in the middle of this building block creation he’d pretended was some marble city on a planet near Alpha Centauri and the next we were stuck in a box in the closet. Not even a “See ya later!” Nope, it was into the closet, then we heard some high-pitched girly-giggles then silence. We didn’t see him for years. We got word about him once in a while. Heard he took up writing, but it was crap like “The Breakfast Club” only with better music. We couldn’t believe it. Not Charlie. What happened to those aliens with heads he’d sculpted out of wax? Spaceships? Those complex plots? All gone. For what? You guessed it: Girls. Emotions. “Serious fiction.” I tell you, it was like hearing Elvis had left the building. During our two decade exile in the closet, we heard other things about him. He went to college. He wrote a lot, but not much he really liked. We knew it even then. It was like he didn’t dare write science fiction. Some of us had lost hope and just lay there. Others kept vigil, hoping for a day we didn’t dare speak about. Then we heard he’d stopped writing in 1996. Did he come to reclaim us? No. He took up music for ten years or so. He took up yoga. Once in a while, he’d visit us in the closet. But it was half-hearted. His mind was elsewhere. Then one day, he really did come back for us. One second we’re in the dark and the next thing we know we’re in a car headed for Massachusetts. Suddenly we got a whole shelf to ourselves out in broad daylight! Then he bought a bunch of others form some planet called Ebay. He’d just sit and stare at us with that old look. But why were we suddenly back in the picture? He had a wife now, who didn’t mind that he played with us. So what had happened? Turns out he’d never forgotten about those stories. He’d been thinking about all of us and the stories he’d made up and then remembered he’d been a writer once. From the shelf we could see him typing away. Before long he’s got a whole novel together! Then he’s working on another one. Word is there are two more in the planning stages! Some short stories, too! It’s good to see him using his imagination again. Its good to know he never abandoned us. He returned to his true love of science fiction. We hear the stories are pretty good. Someday we’ll get one of the cats to score us a copy of the manuscript. Man, it’s good to be out of the damn closet! --- I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me I'm smarter than you I'm harder than you I'm better than you I'm just raw I'm hotter than you More popular than you More clever than you And goshdarn it, people like me

    Proof that yet again when it needs to the internet can become a magical force for good. Or is it a farce for good?

  16. The me to book is still promoted right after the real thing on Kindle searches. Sad. The positive reviews are funny, so much fedoratard rage.

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