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And Now, a Trenchant Glimpse Into My Dream Life

In my dream last night, I was annoyed at my cats for not sufficiently appreciating the in-ground pool I had installed specifically for them.

Can you blame me? I think not.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

26 replies on “And Now, a Trenchant Glimpse Into My Dream Life”

My cats would love a pool! They’re delighted by water … though DammitMalcolm the Giant Bumblekitten is endlessly surprised by the fact that it’s wet.

Me, taking bath: “Hello, Malcolm.”
Malcolm, jumping onto side if tub: “Meooow.”
Malcolm (in fluent cat): “Hey, look, bubbles! And water. Fun! I love bubbles and water!”
Me: “Just so you know, the water is wet, just like last time.”
****Malcolm sticks his arm into tub of water, poking at bubbles and playing. Pulls arm out. Looks astonished. Shakes water off paw.”****
Malcolm (in fluent cat): “It’s WET!”
Me: “Yes. We discussed this.”
Malcolm: “Hey look! Bubbles and water!” ***sticks arm into tub***

Repeat at infinitum.

Oh, I had a cat dream last night as well! In my dream, our cats Ada and Linus were replaced by two huge lynx-like creatures. They were sitting in our living room window in Oslo, Norway, obviously very excited by something outside. I walked over to the window, saw a huge brown bear walking by and thought “He must have been sent by Putin and Trump” before I woke up.

Come to think of it, this was my first Presidential dream for more than three decades. I used to dream a lot about Ronald Reagan pushing red buttons in the eighties. You see, Americans, your elections matter a lot to people on the other side of the world. Might keep that in mind the next time? ;)

My wife and I often dream that we are at a Con. See you in Helsinki? My wife will stay home with the dogs, my son (whom you know) and I shall be there, and catch the USA Total Solar Eclipse on the way home…

My dream last night lacked cats, but I did try to help someone who wasn’t grateful. I noticed that a Metro bus was just sitting at a stop with​out its driver​, so I hopped in and started driving the route. After a few stops, nobody had boarded, and I started to realize they might think I’d stolen the bus, so I ditched it in the supermarket parking lot.

Oh sure. They bring your feasts to your doorstep with dead birds and mice, but when you showed no appreciation for their generosity, did they complain about you on the internet? They did not.

Granted, they tried but only got as far as knocking the mouse off your desk and then bolting into the kitchen. But still…

You do realize jumping for joy and making loud noises are not things cats do? Also, if the dream cats don’t use the pool as a litter box, isn’t that a win?

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