Why My Wife is Amazing, Part 73,592
Posted on June 25, 2017 Posted by John Scalzi 71 Comments
Conversation between me and Krissy yesterday:
Me: With all this bullshit around health care, and the possibility of pre-existing conditions and insurance caps coming back, we should probably look into supplemental insurance.
Krissy: I got us supplemental insurance years ago.
Me: You did?
Krissy: Yes. I even have policies for very specific things.
Me: Like what?
Krissy: I have an insurance policy on your hands.
Me: My hands?
Krissy: You’re a writer. You use your hands. If something happens to your hands, it’s a problem. We’ll need to pay for someone for you to dictate to.
Me: You’ve insured my hands.
Me: I’m not going to lie. That’s literally the sexiest thing you’ve said to me this whole damn month.
Also: Yes, I know about dictation software.
This is not a license to get reckless with your hands, John.
At least it’s both hands. If it was only the left one, that’d be real sinister.
See, I read this and my thoughts immediately go to Hitchcock plots.
At least she thinks you’re hand some
Yup, you married the right woman.
That’s the sweetest thing I’ve read in a while. Hands down.
Cute, very cute.
Dear Josh: please keep going.
I bow to greatness! That’s brilliant! I have to hand it to Krissy. A round of applause is in order! (Claps his hands as he scurries from the thread-exeunt, while watching for the shadow of a mallet). ;)
What a hand full.
*wordless admiration for Krissy*
(and drags Josh into the Callahans ficton and buries him in peanuts)
Admit it: She’s not human, is she? You didn’t find her in this dimension, did you? Or did she forbid you to reveal her true nature? Well – we’re on to her!
Krissy is awesome. Truly. On the other hand(doh!), you could learn to write with your mouth or toes. Just saying.
You know that Chromebook you use? If you write in Google Docs, try the dictation option some time. I was absolutely shocked at how accurate it is, when I finally tried it.
NOT THAT KRISSY ISN’T AMAZING.
@Krissy: (long, slow, loud clapping!)
On the one hand, I’m sure that you expressed this privately as well.
On the other hand, bragging about your wife’s awesomeness to the world  is certainly a handy way to emphasize your sincerity.
 Well, as much of the world as you can lay your hands on anyway.
PS: Blame any typos on the fact that I’m typing one-handed after a surgery that ~5% of men over 50 end up requiring. Unless they’re of Norwegian descent, in which the number goes to 30%. You wouldn’t offhand have Norwegian ancestors would you, John?
Okay, Krissy wins at thinking ahead. I’m at least as impressed as everyone else in this thread. Also, since my first name is also Joshua, I’m compelled to add that she’s clearly handy to have around (nowhere near as good as the “sinister” remark, but I do what little I can).
John please don’t tell us that she took that policy from Allstate. I’m not sure that Josh would survive the blow.
Are your hands just insured against injury, or is theft in there too? How about flooding? The fine print. That’s where they get you.
(Makes the sound of one hand (slow) clapping)
We know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two….
We are Farmers…. Bum da bum bum, bu ba dum….
Good, but did Mrs. Scalzi insure your left eyebrow, which is your real trademark?
You once mentioned that Jane is based (at least in part) on your wife. Each time you mention her on this site, that becomes increasingly clearer. I strive to be the kind of badass, responsible person that she is.
Usually super-specific insurance policies aren’t a great idea; catastrophic cancer care polices are of little help if you get some other expensive condition. On the other hand, I’d guess the premiums on a writers’s hands are pretty darned cheap.
I’m trying to think of the disasters that could befall your hands- chewed off by an enraged cat perhaps, or your fingers falling off after typing 10,000 words straight?
The policy for the hands is on top of a rather more comprehensive supplemental insurance policy, to be sure.
So would your hand insurance policy have a ten-digit payout?
JOS — whoops, I mean
Hey, ya hand people straight lines…
I am totally impressed.
If so, wouldn’t you expect to receive two lump thumbs?
Well, if she doesn’t find you handsome at least she finds you hand.
Credit: Red Green
Sigh. Hand = handy.
I guess you could say that she’s got things well in hand.
*stops laughing long enough to comment*
I expected to see approbation for Krissy’s foresight in the comments. I wasn’t really expecting the veritable manual of hand-related puns.
@MikeM On a more serious note, neurological problems or a stroke would be good examples
There’s no doubt Krissy is a fantastic wife and partner. But by the very definition of those words, she couldn’t be either without a husband and partner, and I’m guessing the love and support you give her is at least roughly equivalent to what she gives you.
You know, one hand washes the other…
Hands? She insured your hands??? You don’t write with your HANDS — you write with your brainz, you TYPE with your hands. Amongst other handy things.
Obviously there is an ulterior motive here somewhere. If I could just put my hands on it !!!
I agree with what everyone else has said about Krissy’s awesomeness.
I have a thought regarding dictation software (which I’m sure she’s already come up with). Dictation software may be good, but it’s going to have a BAD time trying to understand the names of the aliens that John comes up with. Heck, audio book narrators have had to call him to ask about pronunciations. So, insuring the hands is a good plan, since software just isn’t enough of a fallback.
Thumbs up for thinking ahead!
@A.J. Bobo – But dictation humans won’t help with the alien names, because I suspect not even our esteemed host actually knows how to pronounce them.
Well, that’s a problem that wouldn’t have occurred to me, but she totally put her finger on it.
I know, I know. Don’t get out of joint.
I know insurance is confusing, but you can’t just leave these things up to your wife, Scalzi. You have to keep your hand in if you want any dexterity in these matters. I recommend manually going through all Krissy’s handiwork with her before handing it over and getting back to your manuscript. Though if you ever do need an amanuensis, Krissy’s legerdemain will prove handy.
On the grasping paw, does this mean you no longer allowed to go mano a mano with Jonathan Coulton on cruises?
So I guess if you’re guarding a certain bridge against a certain King Arthur you’ll be all right, then.
The things we find sexy/amazing about our spouses after years of marriage are sure different than the things that we thought were absolutely important in the beginning. May the years roll on.
Yep. Lucky motherfucker, you. Every professional artist needs a Kristine Scalzi. Have you looked into cloning? I feel like y’all could be richer AND provide a public service…
My own personal twelfth commandment is, ‘thou shalt cover thy a$$.’ Never thought of covering my hands though. Learn something new every day…
Just an aside, I know a woman who dictated an entire book, came out well, really captured her style. Not sure it would work for fiction (hers was a how-to.)
Hey now, let’s not distract John with a pun thread. To finish Head On he needs to knuckle down.
You are a lucky lucky man John Scalzi. But I suspect you already know that.
Dictation software can be “trained” (my late stepfather used it), but it’s still good to have a human check over the output before sending the manuscript in.
Hope you don’t need the policy, but glad you’ve got it.
David Webber has arthritis and has to dictate his books. I work in IT. If I get arthritis, I am screwed. You cant dictate code or the apps we use to write them. I just thought of this. Thanks for ruining my day.
That explains a lot. That, and the fact that Baen’s proofreading leaves a lot to be desired.
Your eyes still work, right? A good reviewer is actually worth more than a good coder (lots of research on that.) Whether employers are smart enough to act accordingly is another matter. And, yeah — degree in CS, now retired.
Not true. I had to do that for about a year when I was having hand trouble. It does take much longer, but it is possible.
Krissy is so smart, and some of these comments are gold.
Krissy’s birth certificate gives her birthplace as Paradise Island, doesn’t it?
This appears to be an example of not letting the left hand know what the right hand is doing.
Obviously she is thinking ahead, preparing for CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN. Those little chicken foot Hands of Glory won’t be up to snuff when the Black Chamber’s version of MAGINOT BLUE STARS comes online.
Aw crap, this is the Scalzi blog, not the Stross blog. My bad.
Krissy wins. I’m not sure what she wins, but I’m sure you’ll think of something. Also, I have to agree that thinking of hand insurance is surprisingly appealing in this instance. Don’t tell my husband, who knows what he’d come up with…
On second thought, tell him. I can’t wait to see…
Now *I* love your wife. That’s very smart and caring of her.
Mr Scalzi, your wife rocks. And potentially has a machiavellian streak that you might want to seriously consider if you make her mad. :)
Y’know,those lights in the photo look awfully like thought bubbles. Time for a caption competition?
I pity the MRA clown types whose egos prevent them from considering having a Krissy as a wife.
So Krissy has a plan for every contingency.
Krissy is literally Batman.
I admit I’ve occasionally wondered if maybe Krissy’s awesomeness wasn’t all in your head, but no, she really is awesome. Unless, of course, you’re just making her up entirely, you being a writer and all.
Isn’t it nice when you learn yet again that you married someone smarter than you?