My Morning in My Bedroom With Strange Men, a Tale From Twitter
Posted on July 24, 2017 Posted by John Scalzi 27 Comments
It begins thusly:
The new bed:
Which you may think looks quite a lot like the old bed, and you wouldn’t be wrong, in the sense that we did not swap out the headboard or bed frame. But those of you who are sharply observant and/or are creepy creepers might note the mattress is taller than it used to be. That’s because instead of a box spring underneath we now have a frame that raises and lowers the head and foot of the mattress when desired. That’s right, no longer do we have to sit up in bed on our own! Our bed can do it for us! Surely we live in miraculous times.
It was time to get a new mattress in any event. The last time we purchased one for this bed was 11 years ago, and it had gotten to the point where the “memory foam” had lost its memory entirely and both Krissy and I were getting backaches out of it. Once at the store and finding a mattress we liked, we decided to splurge a bit and get the motorized frame. If nothing else it will make everything weird for the cats. Which is its own benefit. Also, if it turns out that elevating the head of the mattress makes it easier to type, I may finally go full Grandpa Joe and never leave the bed at all. Note to self: Check Amazon for bedpans.
(Additional note to self: Really, don’t.)
And I got some saucy tweets out of it! Which, you know. Is its own reward.
Do you both have controls? I’d love a bed that did this, best thing about actually being in hospital was the adjustable bed, but Mr Jazz likes being flat, whereas I have to sleep more or less sitting up, so there would be interesting ‘discussions’. And two controls would probably mean we broke it fairly quickly.
Nice bed. Btw why is there a lightsaber leaning on the left nightstand?
I mean, where do you keep your lightsaber?
We have single controls because we have a king size mattress rather than two twins. I don’t anticipate problems.
Be careful that you know where the pets are when you use the mechanisms. Maybe they’ve changed, but I’ve heard stories of pets caught in the mechanisms and killed when it was used.
Was the first question I asked. The mechanisms are pistons. There’s not much for them to get caught in.
Life will not be complete without a video of the Scamperbeasts getting weirded out by the new bed motor in operation.
There’s a monster under that bed! I can see it’s beady red eyes.
arg. belay that apostrophe.
Good Lord. That thing looks like it could fall through the floor at any moment.
Nic3, but the coin slot for making it vibrate just seems a little… I dont know… tacky.
I got one last year. A first I think. I’ve never had cool technology before Scaliz before. It’s great. Awesome to be able to read in bed without all the pillow adjusting of nights gone by. I love the zero g option… but. Well it’s so hard to sleep on a totally flat mattress now.
Also in the bedroom, in a corner where the dog can’t reach it.
Man, if your dog can handle a lightsaber, I think you’re kind of burying the lede, there.
Saucy tweet fodder == MATTRESS IS TAX WRITEOFF.
My wife says the motorized frame pays for itself in her (or me but mostly her) not having to lift the mattress when we change the sheets.
Looks great. Hopefully it will
make you more productive. Is your bed available for rental because it looks insanely comfy. Can I borrow it just for the weekend?
If you get that bedpan, and a serving robot to bring you burritos, you need never leave your bed again.After all, didn’t you mention that you spent a whole day in your bathrobe the other day? This is just the logical next step.
Duuuuuuuuude. We got one of these a few months ago. Your life is about to CHANGE and you don’t even KNOW. Literally the best money my wife and I have ever spent, and that includes the house and the doctor bills for our son’s birth. :-)
We have one of those and we mostly use it when someone has a cold. Unfortunately, this leads to kitty activity in the middle of the night. There’s nothing like being snockered on Nyquil and hearing scritch scritch noises underneath you.
To follow up on Miles’ problem with an apostrophe, what I want- nay, demand- to know is what is a peristrophe for? And is it related to a catastrophe?
Saw the pic of you on the bed on Twitter. Did Krissy make you wear pants for the pic?
My unknown and unrecognized desire for John Scalzi Edward Gorey crossover fic has now been fulfilled.
(I’m a bit surprised not to see lots of references to The Curious Sofa already.)
Lightsabers go on the lightsaber hook on the belt (pouch optional). The belt gets either draped over the back of a chair, or curled up on the table. For the lightsaber to be sensibly leaned, you need to switch it on and unsupervised powered-up lightsabers should be considered a Health & Safety hazard.
I love the idea. Hell, a few years ago I’d have been covetous to the point of contemplating larceny. But such things are not for me.
I went through a period of insomnia and part of the solution was to use the bed as little as possible outside of sleeping. The idea being to habituate my stupid brain into always associating being in bed with being asleep. It’s worked, and there’s no way I’d chance going back to the hellscape that my critically sleep deprived life was. Did I mention my stupid brain is stupid?
Ah well, second hand decadence is pretty good too when the first-hander is a damn decent person. Enjoy!
Consider adding “The Saucy Tweets” to the “Name of my Next Band” list.
We have one of those clever beds–was very handy when I had foot surgery and needed to keep leg elevated all the time (and also for like, reading in bed. Not that anyone here ever does that).
I should add that it took the dog three years to get over it. Oh well, dog.
@timrowledge: Isn’t a catastrophe an award given to a feline with an especially cute bum?