In Which I Photomanipulate a Picture of Krissy Into a Terrifying Shark-Like Version of Herself
Posted on August 5, 2017 Posted by John Scalzi 38 Comments
Me (to Krissy): Hey, you know how I have a photo program to even out skin tones and otherwise do some tweaking?
Me: So, I took one of your pictures and ran it through the default setting four or five times and came out with… something terrifying.
Krissy: What does that mean?
Me: Well, here, look:
Krissy: What the fuck.
Me: Right? Like, this is a picture where if you saw it on Tinder, you’d be all “My libido says to swipe right, but my brain says to swipe left and then chuck the phone as far away as I can.”
Krissy: I’m creeped out, and that’s me.
Me: So can I put it up online?
Krissy: Hell, yeah. And send it to me. I’m going to make it my Facebook photo.
For reference, the original:
Hahahaha… Love the self-confidence! The doctored photo, not so much.
How’d you do that?
House of Heart:
The software is called Portrait Pro 15.
The one in the doctored photo looks like she might be an amoral power-mad empress who expects regular blood sacrifice.
Got it! This is Krissy as Lionstone.
Still a woman you wouldn’t want to mess with! :)
Does it tell you something that they’ve had to try 15 times to get it right (sort of). ;-)
Although I expect the first iteration was much better.
Vampire queen. She’ll eat you alive, man.
Happy Smiling Zombie is terrifying.
Shouldn’t there be fangs?
Fair play! How about one of you as well, Mr. S?
Three iterations through and I look like a horrifying anime version of myself.
How apposite! I’m just reading a vampire-themed anthology!
I have that software.
You’re scaring me now.
Hi there: I think I’ll have you for a little snack…
Sharknado 4- Krissy
I think you look like the perfect innocent ’50s child Shark-Woman would consume. This program has great potential!
O.M.G….you’ve discovered The Fountain of Creepy Youth!
Luckily, we al know Krissy is not a serial killer. Because she is not, right? RIGHT?
*runs as fast as he can*
You look like Krissy’s victim in your photo. Maybe you should do a sequence, with her biting your throat out, and you waving your arms and screaming ” No, no! I’m too young to die. And I haven’t written the sequel to The Collapsing Empire yet!
Something about that filter just hates the human eye. Obviously the program has secretly achieved sentience as a human hating AI but without the ability to rain nukes and killer skeleton robots upon us it is going by that old saying about the eyes being the window to the soul and attempting to demonstrate its contempt for the souls within the fleshy meatsacks. Also I’m guessing it’s bleaching major portions of the face trying to make them look more skull-like and suitable to be run over by the treads of giant robot tanks. Just a theory of course, but it does seem to be supported by the facts.
That last line is what makes it art — and makes us adore Krissy even more.
I actually find the reiterated version of you slightly more terrifying. But only slightly.
You should use it on the cover of your next space vampire novel.
Adjusted Krissy and adjusted John are equally creepy. In COMPLETELY different ways.
What software did you use for the colorful cat picture a little while ago. Asking for a friend. Literally, I showed it to a friend and she asked me to find out!
“Filter”, sez you, I think dealing with your office drove poor Krissy around the bend.
Speaking of which, when will we see photos of the fully terraformed, author-habitable office? Is it a four-week labor? six weeks? nine . . .
I am guessing it is unnerving to people because people subconsciously interpret a lot of visible white in a person’s eyes as fear (and the filter seems to really spotlight the whites of her eyes), but she is smiling, so cognitive dissonance.
See also: sanpaku
LOL Krissy is so cool
She Who Must Be Obeyed; in spades.
Reports of missing livestock are greatly exaggerated.
Love, love, love both pics!
Thank you sir for the big smile on my face :-D
Don’t think I’d mess with “she who must be honored & obeyed”
With or without the “Bradford Powerlifting” shirt
That just makes it more intimidating :)
News flash from the Vatican – filters are definitely the work of Satan.
And Krissy’s scary, too.