In Which I Photomanipulate a Picture of Krissy Into a Terrifying Shark-Like Version of Herself

Me (to Krissy): Hey, you know how I have a photo program to even out skin tones and otherwise do some tweaking?

Krissy: Yeah.

Me: So, I took one of your pictures and ran it through the default setting four or five times and came out with… something terrifying.

Krissy: What does that mean?

Me: Well, here, look:

Krissy: What the fuck.

Me: Right? Like, this is a picture where if you saw it on Tinder, you’d be all “My libido says to swipe right, but my brain says to swipe left and then chuck the phone as far away as I can.”

Krissy: I’m creeped out, and that’s me.

Me: So can I put it up online?

Krissy: Hell, yeah. And send it to me. I’m going to make it my Facebook photo.

By John Scalzi

I enjoy pie.

38 replies on “In Which I Photomanipulate a Picture of Krissy Into a Terrifying Shark-Like Version of Herself”

You look like Krissy’s victim in your photo. Maybe you should do a sequence, with her biting your throat out, and you waving your arms and screaming ” No, no! I’m too young to die. And I haven’t written the sequel to The Collapsing Empire yet!

Something about that filter just hates the human eye. Obviously the program has secretly achieved sentience as a human hating AI but without the ability to rain nukes and killer skeleton robots upon us it is going by that old saying about the eyes being the window to the soul and attempting to demonstrate its contempt for the souls within the fleshy meatsacks. Also I’m guessing it’s bleaching major portions of the face trying to make them look more skull-like and suitable to be run over by the treads of giant robot tanks. Just a theory of course, but it does seem to be supported by the facts.

What software did you use for the colorful cat picture a little while ago. Asking for a friend. Literally, I showed it to a friend and she asked me to find out!

“Filter”, sez you, I think dealing with your office drove poor Krissy around the bend.

Speaking of which, when will we see photos of the fully terraformed, author-habitable office?  Is it a four-week labor? six weeks? nine . . .

I am guessing it is unnerving to people because people subconsciously interpret a lot of visible white in a person’s eyes as fear (and the filter seems to really spotlight the whites of her eyes), but she is smiling, so cognitive dissonance.

See also: sanpaku

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