Keep Scott Pruitt Moist: The Dramatic Reading

I’ve been a fan of Alexandra Petri for a while now — she’s possibly the funniest person in newspapers today — but I think she went above and beyond with “Keep Scott Pruitt Moist,” a column that went up mere hours before the man resigned his position as head of the EPA, and which I think qualifies as an actual science fiction short story (one worth considering for awards, even). I liked it so much that I decided to make a dramatic reading of the column. With Alexandra Petri’s permission I am presenting it here. Enjoy.


20 Comments on “Keep Scott Pruitt Moist: The Dramatic Reading”

  1. I was kind of hoping this trainwreck would stay around until after the mid-terms.

  2. This deserves a Hugo AND a Pulitzer (both the original article and the dramatic reading).

  3. He’s just another run of the mill Eldritch Horror. Not one of the ones that makes the One Ring look like a dime store trinket. Low end, really. More of an inter dimensional grifter than anything else.

  4. Just what I was thinking when I encountered Ms. Petri’s piece at WashPo: that it’s eminently nomination-worthy. In the grand tradition of such things, it’s funniest if you’re a political junkie and get all the references (e.g., the mattress thing), but still hilarious even if you don’t.

  5. I can see reading this around a campfire on the darkest of nights.
    The scariest part, kids, is that all the requests made by Scott Pruitt in this piece of “fiction are…*lightning strikes and thunder booms*…TRUE! muahahahaha

  6. That was fantastic!
    Although, I’m thinking an audio version by, say, Sir Patrick Stewart would be a surefire award winner.

  7. Boris Karloff circa “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” would be my nominee.

  8. Does anyone have a fast workaround for the ‘You must disable your ad blocker to read this essay’? Every time I disable, the site seems to believe I have given them carte blanche to cover my monitor with as many ads as will fit, and hang the essay or article I wanted to read.

  9. Subscribing works. Personally I don’t have a problem with sites blocking people with ad blockers; they have to make money. I finally disabled my ad blocker, but have a extension that kills flash, and I also block popups and mute sites that autoplay videos, which solved my particular annoyances.

  10. Damn, that essay was excellent!

    Can anyone point us neophytes at directions for nominating it for an appropriate sci-fi writing award?

  11. @DB: One of Pruitt’s misuse of power claims is that he had his staff drive him to various Ritz-Carlton hotels in search of a particular moisturizing lotion they sell.

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