Hey Scalzi, Who Would You Vote For as the Democratic Candidate If You Had To Vote Right Now?
Well, since you asked:
2. Elizabeth Warren: Has a plan for literally everything and is also generally fearless, and she loosens the bowels of the very very rich, which I think is what we need right now. Bluntly, for me at this point it’s almost a tie between her and Harris; I would be fine with either and I think either would put the GOP in a panic, and in Warren’s case they would run in circles screaming “Socialism! Socialism!” like they were on fire, which would amuse me. I’m not in love with Warren’s age as she would be entering the office, but in this case I don’t see it as a dealbreaker, and it’s not as if she’s the most ancient of the Democratic candidates anyway. Would also shred Trump in debates, who would be reduced to muttering “Pocahontas” at her like a warding spell.
3. Joe Biden: I mean, honestly, meh? He’s too old and he’s too old in his thinking and every time he opens his mouth some unforced error comes out of it. But this is 2019 and compared to the current occupant he’s a goddamn statesman. He’ll remind less engaged voters of the halcyon days of the Obama administration, when we had a president who wasn’t an active trash fire 24/7, and I think there’s some validity in the idea that Biden could get the votes of at least some of the dudes who voted for Trump in the last election because they were either overtly or latently sexist as shit and tried to hide it by being concerned about Clinton’s email rather than admitting their problem was that she was a woman and had been demonized by the GOP for over two decades running. There might be some on the left who will stay home if Biden wins the nomination, but, really, fuck them if they decide four more years of Trump’s incompetent, hateful authoritarianism is better than a Democratic candidate who isn’t perfectly aligned with their personal agenda. Fuck them right in the fucking ear.
5. Kirsten Gillibrand: Sure, why not.
6. Amy Klobuchar: Okay, fine.
7. Julian Castro: No major objection; another “In it for the VP slot” candidate, in my opinion.
8. Beto O’Rourke: Run for Senate again, Beto. Otherwise, yeah, all right.
9. Pete Buttigieg: Good with soundbites, light on actual experience, proof gay people can be as resolutely and blandly centrist as any straight person you might name, and if it came to it, sure, I’d vote for him.
10. Jay Inslee: I think Inslee is running either to be Secretary of Energy or Interior and/or some major policy advisor on the environment and clean energy, so good for him. On the extraordinarily small chance he becomes the candidate, I’d vote for him.
11. John Hickenlooper: Fun fact: I referred to him in one of the Old Man’s War books; look it up. Not exactly enthusiastic about him, but can’t think of much that would incline me against him, either, so: Yes, fine.
12. Bill de Blasio: Not really setting me aflame and I suspect he needs to focus more on his current job than his next one, which won’t be President anyway, but he’s not a flaming racist shithole like the current president, and if these are our choices, de Blasio it is.
13. Bernie Sanders: Jesus, I’m sick of this dude, who is not actually a Democrat anyway, is older than fuck, and who has the most querulously peevish supporters who generally make me tired the moment they open their demanding and entitled mouths. I’m happy that Sanders 2020: The Rebernening seems at this point likely to be swamped by the backwash of the Warren campaign, but I want to be absolutely clear that if the final choice is Sanders vs. Trump, I’ll press the button for Sanders so hard the plastic shell of the button might crack beneath my fingertip.
14. Andrew Yang: All right, if I must, although I suspect “must” won’t be an operative condition here.
15 (tie). John Delany, Tim Ryan, Steve Bullock, Michael Bennet, Eric Swalwell, Seth Moulton, Wayne Messam, Joe Sestak, Mike Gravel: I mean, whatever, dudes, it’s nice you have a hobby this summer, and if a targeted and highly specific virus incapacitated every single other candidate above you, then I guess I’d vote for you over Trump. But really, now. Go home. Just, go home.
24. Tulsi Gabbard: Not as smart on foreign policy as she wants everyone to think she is, wants people to forget that she was anti-LGBT most of her life and is Russia’s favorite Democratic candidate, so that’s great. I’d vote for her over Trump, but think what it would mean if these were our choices.
25. Marianne Williamson: Awww, hell no. If we get here, I’ve already moved to Canada. I have the points!
And that’s where I am at the moment with these folks.