A Telling Insight Into My Soul
Posted on July 5, 2019 Posted by John Scalzi 36 Comments
If you’re the sort of person who is determined that you and I are to be enemies, and you were at the top of a long stairwell, I wouldn’t push you down the stairs. But if you happened to trip on your own shoelaces, I might chuckle to myself the entire time you fell.
Don’t worry, I’d call 911 once you stopped falling. Eventually.
“YOU chose to defy all that is right and decent. YOU!” Random chuckles and snorts.
I would never want to be a writers enemy because you could push someone down a flight of stairs in a novel whilst describing the person and then naming a high school after them. The pen is mightier than the sword.
I would never wish anyone dead. But I have read many death notices with pleasure.
‘Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.’
— Mel Brooks
Even if I really, truly hated someone, I’d probably scream if I saw them trip down a staircase. Mostly because of my own fear of heights.
Reminds me of this meme: https://www.xdpedia.com/images/some_people_are_like_slinkies_not_really_good_for_anything_but_62.jpg
How long a flight?
So you’re a normal human.
Average, even.
You warned us recently that, if YOU fell down the stairs, we should blame one (or all?) of your cats! Chuckling cats are not a pretty sight.
Probably as long as Eddie Murphy’s auntie, who can fall down a flight of stairs for half an hour!
I would never push someone, but If I hated them I would make no effort to either stop their fall, or help them get up afterward. I’d probably just act like I hadn’t seen it.
In Germany they have a word for this. It’s called “schadenfreude”(best translated as malicious pleasure, but still doesn’t cover it exactly).
Okay, someone send cryptomathecian the pie recipe. I cannot find my copy.
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
-not Mark Twain like I thought when I went to double check the source…
Sometimes I feel like a cliche geek that I take so much personal wisdom from a Batman movie. Specifically, when Bats tells the villain that he won’t kill him but he doesn’t have to save him. Similarly, I won’t celebrate anyone’s death but there’s plenty of them that I won’t mourn.
Even if I like you a LOT, I will still involuntarily laugh out loud if you run smack into a glass door. I might still be snickering when I help you staunch the blood &/or offer you an ice pack.
Schaden thy name is … freud(e)!
My theory is that watching Saturday morning cartoons as children did this to all of us.
Heck, I might even supply a banana peel.
I, upon noticing the movement, would probably comment, “Oh, dear,” in a distracted sort of way. After considering all possible actions and repercussions I would no doubt call 911 and report the find. As you note, probably average.
My irritation at the necessary cleanup though? Cue the Valkyries!
The German word Schadenfreude” describes it perfectly well.
Nothing wrong with that, just human nature.
Average, but not mean, Scalzi?
It’s always a relief to see that other people have the same thoughts I do.
And then you’d go make a pie.
https://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/09/26/how-to-make-a-schadenfreude-pie/
Because it’s dark. Rich. And oh, so bittersweet.
Unearned last laugh. Sounds like.
I have a somewhat different protocol based on my one and only cruise ship trip.
If you fall overboard and I’m walking by and you’re a decent person I’ll throw you a life preserver and alert the crew.
If you’re not a decent sort I’ll walk on by and say nothing.
And if you’re a &)&@$&!! I’ll hide all the life preservers I can find nearby.
Sorry, can’t agree with this. I don’t care if you are an enemy, I’d much rather you didn’t fall down a flight of stairs, and I’d be horrified to witness something like that. I’d render immediate assistance, and I’d call 911 as soon as possible.
Every time you get a new book deal or a bestseller I shake my first in your direction, cursing for you for not getting me a pony.
I won’t set traps for people. I’ll even try to warn you about some. But don’t ask
me to feel sorry for you after I tried to warn you.
Example, a town near here runs speed traps. I’ve warned several people who then have gotten tickets. Lol
“I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.” — Clarence Darrow
Didn’t you gain an enemy when you failed to show up to the 1995 Dixie Star Trek Convention? I thought he’d been gunning for you ever since.
Oh, wait. I was confusing you and Wil Wheaton. Never mind.
“Don’t stop an enemy from making a mistake.” was one of Miles Vorkosigan’s favorite sayings. Though I believe it was even older than 2019.
“I think he must have overbalanced, sir,” said Hornblower, with the utmost respect and a complete absence of feeling in his voice.
“I think he must have overbalanced, sir,”said Hornblower, with the utmost respect and a complete absence of feeling in his voice.
Su-u-ure! And now you think no one will be suspicious when certain people start falling down stairs! I think you’ll need more alibi than that! :D