I Had Substantial Dental Work Done Today and the Anesthetic is Wearing Off, Making Actual Thinking Difficult, So, Here is a Picture of Smudge Seriously Considering Trying to Abscond With an Entire Steak
Posted on July 15, 2020 Posted by John Scalzi 38 Comments
I mean, it’s right there. He could totally snatch it and run before we catch him, right?
(Spoiler: No.)
Catch you all tomorrow, folks.
Also: I did take some ibuprofen. I’ll be fine. My brain just doesn’t want to brain. You know how it is.
Much better to get dad to hook you up with a piece of steak and keep in the good graces of the one that feeds you. (and let’s you cuddle on their lap, bed, chair,….etc.)
I Had Substantial Dental Work Done Today and
Welcome to your 50s.
Surprised you made it that far. Take care . . .
One of my previous cats liked to snack on my pork chops.
Ummm, steak immediately after dental work. Your confidence in your dentist is profound.
You’re eating steak after having substantial dental work?
You’re a stronger man than I am…
Now’s the time to do something totally embarrassing since you can blame it on the drugs.
Um, yeah, Smudge, don’t do that. It probably won’t end well.
He could also be trying to talk to the steak, which won’t end well, but in a different way, particularly if the steak and the yogurt talk to each other.
I tell you, naming that cat Smudge meant he was destined to be a walking garbage pail who’ll steal your food any chance he gets. We have one named Smudgely who has successfully stolen, eaten and enjoyed steak, fish, raw green beans, raw broccoli, roasted beets, rum-soaked fruitcake, and several dozen other theoretically not-for-feline-consumption food items. The only one he wouldn’t actually consume was the hot banana pepper my spouse brought in from the garden this past weekend – but he still kept trying another bite to see if it had gotten any tastier (spoiler alert – it hadn’t).
Hope your mouth wakes up soon, and that the dental work is successful and doesn’t need to be repeated. Have a restful evening.
Nah, Smudge is just thinking “If I lick it, that means it’s mine!” Of course, I’ve never met a cat who didn’t believe all available food in any given area was his (or hers) . . . it’s kind of the default, I’ve found, even for picky feline eaters.
I hate dental work, and am wincing vicariously on your behalf. Feel better soon!
For all of us with short attention span, prone to digital distractions, jumping when hearing “you’ve got mail,” this noble beast is setting us a fine example of focus.
You would likely catch him, but like the cat in Fawlty Towers Restaurant Inspector, you might have to trim a few bits, just to keep the inspector from getting Furballs, Basil.
Not to be argumentative, but I think you’ve misinterpreted. Smudge is estimating the number of chicklet-sized pieces you’ll be chopping that steak into so that you can eat it despite the new dental work, and the probability that some of those pieces will wind up on the floor. That’s my take ;-)
Not sure whether Smudge can abscond with that steak? Two words: pizza rat.
Get well soon! Also, condolences on the untimely death of your friend.
Clearly the cat was trying to save you from the pain of trying to eat such a thing while meds are wearing off! Because cats are totally like that. Feel better.
Proof that Faith from BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is actually a cat!
Smudge is clearly thinking,
“Want.
“Take.
“Have.”
Marcia once had a cat that tried to eat a whole raw leg of lamb that had been smeared all over with Dijon mustard and garlic. He ate part of it before she caught him at it. (She plastered over the chewed parts and roasted it.)
The steak is nearly as big as Smudge, so that’d be crazy. Maybe he’s just staring at a ghost.
Smudge is calculating furiously: “Yes that looks delicious and is completely undefended, but it weighs nearly as much as I do, will I enjoy indigestion for a month?”
…And wisely declining the challenge.
Great photo–made me laugh out loud.
Our scamperbeasts are far more likely to get hungry over rotisserie chicken than steak.
I’m rooting for Smudge in this scenario. It would be worth losing a steak to see him do that.
My cats have tried things like that – and stranger – over the years. One that really stuck in my head was the time one of them made off with the corn-on-the-cob on my plate when she was a kitten (the corn cob was about as long as she was at the time). I’d looked away for a second or two, and she was half-way across the room, dragging it.
Our other cat made off with a raw chicken thigh while I had my back turned once, making the sauce. Bit of an oops on my part, as I knew they were roaming around, but I forgot to be vigilant. I caught up to her in the next room and got growled for my troubles. No, I did not simply tidy up the chicken thigh and cook it anyway.
These two will also try and go for other things too – bread, eggs, butter, bacon, popsicles, and I can’t even remember the other things they’ve nibbled, grabbed or licked over the years.
Elena, our cat once stole an entire raw roasting chicken, pulling it down from where my aunt (who had never lived with a cat before) had innocently left it thawing on the drainboard. It too was about the same size as the cat, who managed to drag it out of the kitchen and half across the living room before he was discovered. If he’d made it into the back room, he’d have been safe!
Steak after dental work? That’s ambition! Rest easy, and give Smudge a pat. He has ambition, too.
Stray thoughts:
I think that steak is bigger than the cat
Most cats don’t like cooked meat. Put a raw chicken there, then you’d have an ordeal
Dentists work hard, and generally mean well. But dental visits still suck
We’re stuck in hell in this country, and will be for a long time
Have a nice day, hope you get well soon.
Obligatory Eliot:
When the family assembled for Sunday dinner,
With their minds made up that they wouldn’t get thinner
On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens,
And the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
“I’m afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven-like that!”
Then the family would say: “It’s that horrible cat!
One of your older wiser cats should totally wait till you go out of sight to put the camera away, then disappear the steak and watch Smudge take the blame.
Also, why would you even HAVE a steak if it’s not to feed the cats! :)
Dentists and their chairs, gloves and torture devices are the stuff of my worst nightmares. 😱
I haven’t been within 50 miles of a dentist since I went in for pericoronitis, was diagnosed with an impacted wisdom tooth and referred to a teaching hospital to have my jaw broken in an extraction.
It was *imperative* that I undergo this procedure, during which the tooth and the nerve would be removed in three pieces.
Surely, possible lockjaw and permanent nerve damage to my tung, lips and face were a small price to pay for avoiding the oral and brain cancer that were sure to come.
This was eight years ago and, shockingly! I, with the aid of antibiotics and the practice of basic dental hygiene, have managed to evade cancer without serving as a mid-term exam for some shaky-handed dental student.
Long story short, I saved a ton of money, escaped debilitating and potentially life-changing injury and saved myself weeks, perhaps months of pain.
I applaud your bravery, John; heal soon.
I have only 2 rules for my cats, 1 my body is not a plaything and 2 my food is not cat food. All my cats have always thought these rules nonsensical. I remember one cat testing the “no cats on the table” rule that didn’t last very long. This cat hopped up on the far corner, just sitting there, innocent as can be. I ate and read. The cat reclined, no problem. I was absorbed in my eating and reading. Next thing you know the cat’s head just happened to be over the edge of my plate and he had to lick a little to keep from drowning. I called him on that, but always admired his sneakiness.
Having just undergone 4 hrs of dental work, with 2-3 more coming next week, I am impressed by your ambition re steak. My dentist told me nothing: chewy, sticky, tacky, hard, seedy, nutty, doughy or bagel-y. It seems my only option is baby food.
My sympathies. I had a day like that in the spring where I had to take a sick day because my brain was skittering away from anything I tried to concentrate on.
For everyone marvelling at my ability to eat steak after dental work and with a temporary crown: It was from the night before. For dinner after the dental work I had grilled cheese sandwiches.
Hey, grilled cheese sandwiches! Thanks for the idea. And the other idea – today’s 5 Things mentions milkshakes.
Upon pondering the photo again, am I the only one who sees a leopard seal with large ears?
Many years ago I was thawing a 20-lb turkey on the stove in a covered roasting pan. From the next room I heard a suspicious clatter and went into the kitchen to find the cover on the floor and the cat crouched on top of the turkey, which was twice his size ( and still half-frozen), in an attitude of “It’s mine! I killed it and it’s mine!” I admired his ambition.