I’m Giving Away an ARC of The Dispatcher: Murder By Other Means

You wanna win it? Here’s how you do it:

I’m thinking of a holiday song right now. Guess which one it is in the comments.

That’s it!

Now, THE RULES:

1. One guess per person. Don’t post a list of songs, y’all.

2. When you leave your comment, make sure the email address you put in the comment form is one I can reach you at (don’t put it in the comment itself, unless you want the whole world to know your email address).

3. In the event that more than one of you guess which song I’m thinking of, I will ask Alexa to randomly select a number between one and [the number of people who guess the song correctly]. Whatever number Alexa picks, whoever is the chronological equivalent will win. In the event that no one guesses it correctly, I will have Alexa pick a number between one and [total number of comments] and give it to whichever comment corresponds to that number, chronologically speaking. Basically, someone’s gonna win this thing.

4. Contest lasts for as long as the comments are open (which will be two days from when I post this entry, so, early evening, Eastern Time, Saturday). I’ll try to contact the winner immediately thereafter to figure out shipping.

5. Contest open worldwide. Yes, I will pay to ship wherever. Also, if you like, I will sign/personalize the ARC. I’ll put it in the mail early next week. Given the state of the US mail at the moment, I wouldn’t expect it before Christmas (and definitely not before the end of Hanukkah).

6. What qualifies as a “holiday song”? It’s a song that is either about, or strongly associated with, one or more of the December holidays. As an example, while “Jingle Bells” is not strictly about any particular holiday, it’s so strongly associated with the holiday season that it counts (although I’m using it as an example here because the song I’m thinking about is not, in fact, “Jingle Bells”). “December Holidays” in this case are Hanukkah, Christmas (and surrounding days), Solstice, and New Year’s Eve/New Years Day. Also, I’m not actively trying to stump you all here, so the song I’m thinking about doesn’t just have a glancing association to the holidays. It’s a full-on holiday song. I told Athena which one it is, just in case you all don’t trust me. And no, she can’t be bribed.

(Also, if you want the actual signed, limited hardcover edition of Murder By Other Means, you can pre-order it from Subterranean Press here. The hardcover edition is limited to only 2,000 copies, so if you want one when it comes out in April, it’s best to pre-order as soon as possible.)

Got it? Then guess the holiday song, and good luck!

— JS

577 Comments on “I’m Giving Away an ARC of The Dispatcher: Murder By Other Means”

  1. ONLY comments guessing the song, please. All other comments will be snipped. If you genuinely have a question about the contest, email me.

  2. maryherself – East Coast – Mythic artist and author (writing as M. E. Layton) of "Chasing Demons" (Book 1 of The Time-traveling Demon Hunter Series)
    maryherself

    White Christmas!

  3. The first thing that pops into my head is Chiron Beta Prime, which has gotta be one of the best xmas songs ever nerded over!

  4. Adam Sandler’s Chanukah Song. (Please don’t make me guess which revision). Spelling choice of Hanukah song chosen based on google search.

  5. Hank Roberts – California – I'm Nobody! Who are you? Are you --Nobody --Too? Then there's a pair of us? Don't tell! they'd advertise --you know! How dreary --to be --Somebody! How public --like a Frog -- To tell one's name --the livelong June -- To an admiring B[l]og! [Parody, with apology to] -- Emily Dickinson____ http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/711.html ____ Avatar stolen from illustration by James Donnelly of THE BASIC LAWS OF HUMAN STUPIDITY by Carlo M. Cipolla, www.cantrip.org/stupidity.html or http://harmful.cat-v.org/people/basic-laws-of-human-stupidity/ or 'oogle it. _________________________ DISAMBIGUATION: not Hank Roberts the Internet Guy/Vlogger; not the cellist [hankrobertsmusic]; not the camping stove maker; not the angler; not British [hankroberts.org.uk]; not a corporate nor a union officer; not from Chicago; not at Southern Pacific; not the award-winning educator at peacemakersinc. You see the pattern. => If you may know me, ask; likely I owe you a long-borrowed book, an apology, thanks, and applause.
    Hank Roberts

    Jingle Bells

  6. You’re thinking of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree. And if you weren’t, you are now. And for the next week at least, based on how long it sticks in my own head.

  7. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

  8. Perry Como – There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays

  9. Karen A. Wyle – I'm an appellate attorney, an author, a photographer, a politics junkie, and a Hoosier (aka intermittent fan of IU basketball). My published work (aside from law review/legal journal articles) includes multiple science fiction novels, some near future and some involving other planets, equipped with aliens. More recently, I've veered off into historical romance, specifically a series called Cowbird Creek and set in 1870s Nebraska. I've also published one nonfiction book, Closest to the Fire: A Writer's Guide to Law and Lawyers. While originally intended to help writers use accurate details in their legal settings and expand the scope of such stories, I realized while writing it -- and have heard from readers -- that it could also be of use and interest to students, immigrants, and anyone interested in better understanding the American legal landscape. My other blog, Looking Around, is at http://looking-around.blogspot.com.
    Karen A. Wyle

    I Wonder As I Wander

  10. Karen A. Wyle – I'm an appellate attorney, an author, a photographer, a politics junkie, and a Hoosier (aka intermittent fan of IU basketball). My published work (aside from law review/legal journal articles) includes multiple science fiction novels, some near future and some involving other planets, equipped with aliens. More recently, I've veered off into historical romance, specifically a series called Cowbird Creek and set in 1870s Nebraska. I've also published one nonfiction book, Closest to the Fire: A Writer's Guide to Law and Lawyers. While originally intended to help writers use accurate details in their legal settings and expand the scope of such stories, I realized while writing it -- and have heard from readers -- that it could also be of use and interest to students, immigrants, and anyone interested in better understanding the American legal landscape. My other blog, Looking Around, is at http://looking-around.blogspot.com.
    Karen A. Wyle

    Whoops! Not sure WordPress has my correct email address, so reposting: I Wonder As I Wander — [snipped. I have it, Karen – JS]

  11. Rebecca Wilcox – Rebecca Wilcox is an author and illustrator. Though she loves all forms of science fiction and fantasy, she’s most comfortable where the lines blur between the two. Born with a degenerative low-frequency hearing disability, she has always felt most comfortable communicating through her art and the written word. Her favorite place to be is in her studio with coffee at her side, a fountain pen or iPad in her hand, and a cat in her lap.
    Rebecca

    The Little Drummer Boy

  12. Tammy – Reader, book collector, and reviewer of quality fiction, primarily in the genres of fantasy,science fiction, horror & speculative fiction. The stranger the better...
    Tammy

    Little Drummer Boy

  13. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

  14. FaeryDesign – USA – Jill Of All Trades, Master Of ... well, a couple of areas! I do things like woodburning and beading as hobbies, but I'm deadly serious about my knit, crochet, and sewing.
    FaeryDesign

    Ríu Chíu, Monkees version. If not, google that sh!t, ’cause it’s amazing.

  15. “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!”

    I hope everything is delightful in the Scalzi Compound. Happy Holidays!

  16. (I’m Spending) Hanukkah in Santa Monica, by Tom Lehrer.

  17. M.A. Kropp – NH, USA – I am a writer who is also a wife, mommy, and grandmother. I live in MA in the USA. I write mostly fantasy and science fiction. I speak sarcasm fluently. I am Irish and a ginger- that is fair warning. Puppies and kittens are my friends. I like good food, good drink, good friends, and good books.
    M.A. Kropp

    Baby It’s Cold Outside

  18. Wayne Kearney – I am an engineer and struggling writer. By day I improve manufacturing processes and by night I write what ever the voices in my head feel like.
    Wayne Kearney

    The Twelve Days of Christmas by Bob & Doug McKenzie. Duh!

  19. Now you’re in my wheelhouse. Hopefully it is weird Christmas songs. Should I go with Blue Xmas or Back Door Santa? Hmmmm…..

    Back Door Santa!

  20. Without looking at other comments:

    Since the Dispatcher books deal with death as the major element, don’t see how the song can be anything except “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”.

  21. Wonderful Christmastime by Sir Paul McCartney

  22. I’m dreaming of a White Christmas (Bing Crosby version of course). After losing, would you mind letting me drown my sorrows by letting me cough up some dough to a food bank there in Ohio in your name? I can’t even visit my Dad, but he told me to give to the North Texas Food Bank in his name- he said he didn’t need anything, and I’ve seen the news feeds of people that are lining up here. Pretty sure it is the same there. Take care, be well, and don’t die on me. I NEED you to keep writing and being snarky.

    Jay

  23. Butch the Gay Santa Claus by Cherry Poppin’ Daddies

  24. mknelson101 – An ardent Oregon native plant restoration gardener, I grew up in the woods east of Portland and spent my summers camping and working through the Camp Fire organization. WoHeLo! They taught me not to roast food on Cascara sticks and where to look for huckleberries. And a lot of valuable skills that kept me alive while hiking through the Northwest woods. I volunteer as a Certifier for Backyard Habitats and am happiest getting my hands in the soil. Favorite quote: " ...and all this depends on two inches of top soil and fact that it rains." Anon.
    mknelson101

    Santa Baby

  25. Cathy Tenzo – Writer, editor, historian, artist. Joyful creature. My poetry and fiction has been published in many places including Asimov's Science Fiction, Tales of the Unanticipated, Mythic Delirium, and Double Dare Press, and some publications are under the last name Tacinelli. I am a member of the performance group the Lady Poetesses from Hell. Read my blogs for more info.
    Cathy Tenzo

    (I’m Spending) Hanukkah in Santa Monica by Tom Lehrer

  26. Wonderful Christmastime. Not because it’s any good, but because it’s so aggressively earwormy it’s damn near impossible to get out of your head.

  27. Samantha Bryant – Samantha Bryant is a middle school Spanish teacher by day and a novelist by night. That makes her a superhero all the time. Her secret superpower is finding lost things. She writes because it’s cheaper than therapy and a lot more fun. She’s best known for her Menopausal Superhero series of novels and stories. When she's not writing or teaching, Samantha enjoys time with her family, watching old movies, baking, reading, gaming, walking in the woods with her rescue dog, and going places. Her favorite gift is tickets (to just about anything). You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @samanthabwriter or at her blog/website: http://samanthabryant.com
    Samantha Bryant

    I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

  28. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

    (I hope this didn’t multi-post; WordPress isn’t letting me login with my usual credentials.)

  29. I’m going to put two in here. Firstly, because they are great Christmas songs, and secondly because I’m almost certain they are not ones that he ill have chosen.

    1) Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis by Tom Waits

    2) How to Make Gravy by Paul Kelly (please trust me on this one as to how good it is)

  30. bmcraec – Bowen Island, BC V0N 1G0, Canada – Technology. Communications. Design. Type semi-geek. Passionate about sharing knowledge. Publishing veteran. Tech is best viewed from a societal change & architecture perspective.
    bmcraec

    Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is what popped into my head, immediately. Probably because I just saw Randy Rainbow’s parody about Juliani in the last 48 hours.

  31. A Christmas Carol – Tom Lehrer
    Relations, sparing no expense’ll
    Send some useless old utensil,
    Or a matching pen and pencil.
    “Just the thing I need! How nice!”

  32. “I’m a Christmas Tree” – Wild Man Fisher and Dr. Demento.

    And any of you who haven’t heard “Making Gravy”, go and listen to it.

  33. Jingle Bones! From Walt Disney’s Christmas Favorites (Unlikely, but it’s the song that’s been stuck in MY head for the past two weeks…)

  34. “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” – the Bruce Springsteen version.

    (I know it’s not Bing doing “White Christmas” because damn, dude, horseradish on a carnitas burrito? nfw!)

  35. Justin – Kentucky, USA – I am a lover of all things SFF and have been an avid reader since I was three years old. I am attempting to build the world's largest private library (not really, but ask my wife and she might agree). Although I only recently started publishing reviews of the books I read, I have been a hobbyist reviewer for over a decade, starting out publishing reviews of video games. I am always excited to gush over my favorite reads, which more often than not are also my latest reads.
    Justin Gross

    Happy Xmas (War is Over) – John Lennon

  36. Brett Andrews – I'm a formerly obese guy who lost 100 lbs and became a personal trainer. My passion lies in helping people shift towards a healthier lifestyle using my Baby Steps approach to training.
    Brett

    “Last Christmas” by Wham

  37. Bob Portnell – Sparks, NV USA – In no particular order: Husband, parent, child of God, technical writer, stargazer, gamer, and in no particular order.
    Bob Portnell

    “Christmas at Ground Zero”, Weird Al Yankovic.

    (And even if you aren’t thinking of it, you should listen to it. One of my favorite of Al’s “genre parodies.”)

  38. “All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” because – Hey! – it’s hard to eat Burritos without ‘em (trust me, I play hockey… )

  39. It’s a tossup between the John Gorka version of “I heard the Bells on Christmas Day” and William S. Burroughs with the Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy performing “A Junky’s Christmas.” As a traditionalist, I’m leaning towards “I heard the Bells.”

    Tim