I’m Totally Not Feeling it Today, So Instead of Incisive, Thoughtful Commentary I’m Just Going to Show You Something That’s Making Me Irrationally Angry

A package of Hostess "JUMBO donettes"

Fucking “Jumbo Donettes”?!?!?


“But ‘donette’ is their trademark”



(eats his Jumbo Donette gloweringly)

That’s it, that’s all I got for you today.

— JS

43 Comments on “I’m Totally Not Feeling it Today, So Instead of Incisive, Thoughtful Commentary I’m Just Going to Show You Something That’s Making Me Irrationally Angry”

  1. Honestly, those things look kinda gross. Hope they taste better than they look.

  2. The “ette” ending, from French, is a diminutive suffix. So I guess that makes a “jumbo donette” a bit of an oxymoron.

  3. Market Basket, a much beloved New England grocery chain, individually wraps a lot of its baked goods in plastic for no particularly good reason. Unwrapping them in the morning is often beyond my ability, especially the chocolate croissants.

  4. A “donette” is a mini donut. That is a fact.

    So how can it be JUMBO? Hostess has some explaining to do.

  5. You could always make your own. I bet there’s a recipe in Al Sicherman’s “Caramel Knowledge: Bostess Bupcakes, Peanut-Butter Coffee, Herring in a Cloud, Wienie Zucchini, and More Food and Culinary Musings for the Twisted Mind”

    Best cookbook I ever invested in. Not that I cook or anything.

  6. As someone who has worked in food manufacturing, the sad thing is this might not meet the FDA definition of a donut and thus had to be called a “donette”. And then Hostess just trademarked it to make sure other non-donuts didn’t use it.

  7. I understand your rage.
    That being said, could you let us know how Athena is doing? Merci!

  8. Is this like the Session Double IPAs I’m seeing at the local breweries? Or is it more like the Imperial Session IPAs? I can’t tell from the picture.

  9. An oxymoron that ranks right up there with “jumbo shrimp” (or, for that matter, “military intelligence”).

    This has been going on since at least the 16th century: I happen to play the cello–a contraction of “violoncello.” The original string instrument was a viol–in Italian, “viola.” In Italian, the suffix “-one” means “big,” e.g., “calza,” shoe, “calzone,” big shoe (or folded pizza thing). The suffixes “-ino” or “-ello” mean “little,” e.g., “violino,” little viola.

    So…a great big viola (a standup bass) is a “violone.” Go down one step in size and you get “violoncello”–the “little great big viola.”

    I prefer to think of “donette” in terms of Stormy Daniels’s description of a certain ex-president…

  10. During the last discussion I overheard with people trying to name Hostess products, I don’t recall Donettes. Mom never bought them for us if they even existed 40 or so years back. Personally I favored the Ho-Ho for the challenge of trying to unroll them.

  11. I’m surprised there is real strawberry in it and they don’t have to call it straawberry or some nonsense.

  12. I used to be a liability claim representative for a company that insured Hostess. We received a claim from an inmate at the Indiana State Penitentiary who claimed to have found a razor blade in his cupcake. He signed his letter “Hostess Redrum.”

  13. I honestly don’t care that they’re misnamed. I would devour both of those right now, and might even lick the wrapper if there was any glaze residue hanging about.

  14. Cecil B. Otis: That being said, could you let us know how Athena is doing? Merci!

    Athena just posted a brief tweet, with a video taken on the way home from the hospital. (I’ve been watching for it. There’s a link to Athena’s Whatwitter, over . . . THERE, I guess.)

  15. Ah Yes, reminds of a bit by the immortal George Carlin mentioning Jumbo shrimp and semi-boneless ham. It’s either a bone or not a bone. Ain’t no thing as a semi-bone.

    I personally regard him as the patron saint of cynical people. Saint George of perpetual Irony.

  16. I’ve nothing to add except mmmmmmmmmmmmm, donettes .

    Though I have to say, when it comes to mass produced, doughnut style products, Little Debbie’s doughnut sticks win hands down.

    Hostess puts out waxy garbage that isn’t fit to grace the bottom of the filthiest dumpster.

    Yeah, I said it.

    Here’s hoping they’ve changed the formula since I stopped eating their crap a few years ago.

    Jumbo donettes sound like they’re worth trying, even if they are by the wax factory.

  17. You are not wrong, sir.

    Also, it’s very good to hear that Athena is ok now.

  18. Any product that leaves the bakery with a “Best Before” date more than a month in the future really shouldn’t be et…

  19. I’m not sure the guy who would say wrapping these in a tortilla constitutes a burrito is in the best position to object to imprecision in food terminology. Yet inconsistency is a fact of life.

    Although I do think you should wrap those in a tortilla. Maybe add Nutella? Or just bacon.

  20. Yeah, that’s silly. Not quite as silly as my beef with a local bakery that makes Red Velvet Muffins. THERE AIN”T NO SUCH THING!

    Red Velvet is a cake, you put it in a cup, it’s a cupcake. I don’t care if it has frosting or not, it is NOT a muffin.

  21. Yes, please rate it’s eatworthiness.

    Also, yes, awaiting the Mini Jumbo Donettes.

  22. I see the best by date is June 25. Donuts with a shelf life of over an hour are typically awful. Give me a Krispy Kreme or Square Donut any day! (What’s next, “Giant mini-burgers?”)

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