Now Witness the Power of This Armed and Fully Operational Space Toilet
Posted on February 22, 2022 Posted by John Scalzi 57 Comments
Last year Krissy decided that she wanted to upgrade our bathroom suite, and not in just a “new hand towels and shower curtain” way — a whole revamp. I was fine with this, I said, if I got what I wanted out of it: a supercool space age “intelligent toilet” with all the bells and whistles. It took a while, because 2021 was The Year of Supply Chain Issues, but the new bathroom is 90% completed and the Space Toilet is now installed and operational.
I’ve now availed myself of the Space Toilet a couple of times, and I have to say, coming from your basic commode, it’s something of a surreal experience. One, it knows when you’re on your way and raises the toilet seat for you, with a little light in the bowl to guide you at night. Two, it then spritzes the porcelain bowl before you sit, presumably so whatever horrible thing you’re about to put into it doesn’t stick to the side of the bowl. Three, when you do sit, the seat is warm — not an awful “this seat was immediately previously occupied” warm, but a “I was expecting you and have thoughtfully prepared you a pleasant experience” warm. The sort of warm that invites you to settle in.
When you’ve done your business, whatever that business is, you have the option of the bidet. The bidet is adjustable for “front” or “back” (figure it out), allows you to adjust the pressure and temperature of the water, and offers both “massage” and “swirl” settings, which you can select from the remote control which hangs on the wall. When you’re done with that, there’s a dryer option, which runs just about as long as you like. When that’s completed, there are two flush modes to choose from, but if you forget (or are just an awful person) and walk away without flushing, the toilet will automatically flush for you. Then it does a little bit of sanitizing and closes the lid until the next time you come in to pursue your business.
It’s probably the single most complicated piece of machinery in the house, and it’s utterly ridiculous. I am very happy with my purchase so far.
Also, in case you’re wondering what happens if you lose the remote, you can operate it from the toilet itself (note the line of lights on the seat, which are buttons), and should the power go out, it retains flushing ability and so on. It is a basic toilet and can do basic toilet things (and we have three other more standard toilets in the house in any event). It just branches out from there.
Would I recommend my new supercool space age intelligent toilet to others? Well, let me sit with it (so to speak) for a while longer before I say. Partly because this thing is absolutely not in any way inexpensive; there are more expensive individual objects in the house, but not many. I suspect you can get 90% of the utility of this toilet for about a tenth of the price. But, oh, that extra ten percent.
It’s entirely the most bougie thing in my place, and while I am just fine with that, I’m not sure that’s for everyone. Give me a month or so with it and I will offer my final thoughts then.
Just to clarify, this toilet is cleaning itself? No more Scrubbing Bubbles? I am SO there.
What, no phone app? Can it post “results” to your twitter feed?
BEST POST EVER!
I don’t want a bidet without a dryer. But one feature I do want is some arms to help my wife stand up when she’s done.
Is it as easy as when you bullseyed womp rats in your T-16 back home?
Are those allowed in Ohio?
If it auto-flushes halfway through when someone is on the verge of clogging it, I would pay any amount for that. :P
I’ve had the opportunity to use these in Japanese restaurant lavatories, and loved it. Definitely on my wish list.
Also, that’s really nice flooring. Is it wood, wood-look tile, or what? I’m going with wood-look tile, for ease of cleaning. Am I right? If it’s tile, you can put in a heat mat under it, so that you have a heated floor in the bathroom. That’s one thing that we do already have, and it’s wonderful. No cold feet in winter, and a nice side benefit is that it dries quickly. Also, the cats love it.
I’ve yet to find an unheated toilet in Japan, even when visiting family. Warm but not “in a recently vacated way” there is a difference.
I’m just sad that there isn’t a back tank to put three ceramic seashells on.
we got our Toto space age one’s back in 2019 and they are so awesome for all the same reasons
You say space age but this is a perfectly normal toilet in Japan. Any department store in Tokyo has all these features on the toilets any random customer can use, and probably also music or sound effects to mask your business while using it.
Izzat a Toto Washlet, John?
Color me totally impressed.
And in the less expensive option, you can get a fancy seat that does most of those things.
It sounds like Space John is in your master suite. Will you now invite guests to traipse through the bedroom to have The Experience, or will it remain a mystery to them?
I will be the first to admit that the U.S. is a century or so behind in the toilets we use, compared to the rest of the civilized world.
Double buttons and bidets are almost everywhere, except here.
But, I want a stupid house, because it can’t be hacked and, mainly, because technology breaks and I can’t fix it. I couldn’t handle having a broken toilet for a couple of weeks while waiting on, first, a qualified plumber, and, secondly, waiting on the parts to fix it.
I saw one like that at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas a couple of years back, but it took things a step further: that version came with a built-in iPhone dock & speakers…
3 years with our Toto has shown that while it is self cleaning it does need the periodic scrubbing bubbles but not as often or as much effort
Niiiiice. We have the Toto Neorest which is probably the competitor to this Kohler model. I love it to pieces. I wish we had more than one, despite the cost.
I read my wife the part about the massaging/swirling bidet. Her reaction? “At that point, who needs a husband?”
My wife also decided that she wanted to redo the whole bathroom, and I also insisted on the overly-fancy toilet. We’re still on deck (heh) with the contractors, so the toilet sits in its box in the basement. I’m quite excited to get it installed.
How does it handle ripped up documents? Asking for a former guy.
If you do manage to make it overflow, will it mop the floor for you too? And is there an automatic plunger?
(asking because I’ve had to do that way too often lately)
First time I have heard someone sing the virtues of a sanitary fixture.
Sounds like the best thing since Thomas Crapper made indoor plumbing all the fashion.
Hey, how come you have no sound effects or music on this thing? Japanese toilets have sound effects and music to scare away bad ninjas or cling-on warriors.
I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t doodoo that.
I’m always skeptical of complicated devices like this (e.g., “smart home” devices), because that’s more things that can go wrong.
I bought a touch-control faucet for the kitchen sink, and after about two years, the fussiness needed to keep it working aggravated me enough to disconnect that function.
We went for Totos maybe 15-20 years ago. They’re still working. We laugh during toilet paper shortages.
I first heard of these when there was a full page ad in the New York Times back in the 1960s. There was a big update-the-bathroom push back then with proposed bathroom redesigns in all the popular magazines. (Magazines are like web sites but printed on paper.) The magazines were also full of flying cars and jet packs. Those never came to pass, but at least we’ve got Toilet 2.0.
I’ve never been jealous of someone else’s toilet.
I’m really surprised the rest it world hasn’t adopted the bidet. Amazing device and good for the environment. Far far less TP needed.
We’ve had an ordinary dumb Toto model very much shaped like John’s for nearly 20 years. Toto toilets Do Not Clog. And they flush everything. Every plumbing problem we’ve had is down the sewer pipes. Only issue is that every 10-15 years the flappers wear out. New $10 flapper, good to go. So to speak.
Needs googly eyes.
Last time the flappers wore out, the stock market crashed, and there we were in the Great Depression…
I’d get one, but I’m not that, uh, flush.
I’ll show myself out.
I was very much not permitted to get this:
Yeah, they’re everywhere in Japan, apart from my cheap little apartment …
The first time I encountered one, and the seat rose, I was reminded of the jaws of a shark, about to take a bite out of a part of me that won’t be named.
Could you tell us the brand and model of the Space Toilet?
I’d like a link (manufacturer’s site, or amazon), my wife has been Jonesing for one and we’re beginning the bathroom-remodel phase…
I’ve read and seen “Automated Customer Service.”
I can’t believe you allowed this in your home.
Does it cycle the waste into the hydroponics system of Starship Scalzi?
You’ve probably ruined yourself for the normie toilets now. That said, I want one.
Depending on the range of the remote, I can see it being put to nefarious purpose. Especially if it controls the bidet function.
You can buy a bidet seat, rather than a whole smart toilet, for a couple hundred or so. It does most of that, most importantly the warm seat and the bidet / drying functions – and can be replaced when it breaks. (That warm seat, when you’ve had to climb out of bed in the middle of the night, is a luxury that never palls!) They are not too difficult to install; the one thing that may be a problem in many American bathrooms is that you need an outlet near the toilet.
(I am not saying the fancy space toilet isn’t worth getting, but that those who don’t have the budget for one – but do have a little extra $$$ – can still experiene many of its pleasures.)
This Armed and Fully Operational Space Toilet is my new favorite band.
Looking forward to regular (hopefully, for your sake) Turdle scores on your Twitter feed.
All I see when I look at that is a painful indent in my back from that lid.
It sounds wonderful! We couldn’t afford such great toilets, so we did our best with low-flow toilets with flush assist. That keeps the bowls cleaner, and prevents a lot of extra flushes. We’re adding a bare-bones bidet to our master bath toilet,
Our vet in Oakland had bidets added to their toilets – nice bidets, We never missed an appointment.
I’ll never understand why Americans don’t get how good bidets are. Sure, I know the historical excuse, but it doesn’t hold water anymore.
Your one-stop blog, from scatological to eschatological.
I’ve been using mine for a couple week now. I’ve had to run an extension cord from my bedroom to plug it in because the new outlet under the wash basin hasn’t been fully installed yet.
I love it! My brand is Woodbridge. It’s about a third of the price of the top of the line Toto and seems to have all the features, except that the Toto ionizes the water to help the toilet stay cleaner.
My new floor looks like yours, except older and more weathered. It’s porcelain tile, but the wood print is convincing enough that I have more than once knelt down to feel it and make sure the cracks and potential splinters aren’t real.
I hope they finish my bathroom remodel soon. The fancy new shower has to be re-tiled, because they botched it the first time. They haven’t been here this week because of the flu, and they won’t be here the rest of the week because the weather turned from spring-like to wintery overnight. The school district just announced that the elementary school is closing NOW (so I have to go pick up the four kids early) and probably will be closed all week. Legitimate reasons, but my remodeling project has been going on since December 27.
I could imagine you ordering a second remote and playing tricks on your wife :-)
As you’ve travelled, and seen on-line photos of, just how many different toilets there are out there. And they’ve all been designed and prototyped by “someone”.
All those people when asked what their job is have invented something other then “toilet engineer”.
Do you think they get to take the prototypes home for the weekend for some field testing?
hmmm… so have you ordered the all-too-necessary #YiddishPhotonTorpedoes refit to deal with Klingons… or go with the more traditional #JewishSpaceLasers?
you know those fake interviews you’ve done with yourself (or some subset persona)?
it would ROFL if you did one with a hyper-intelligent toilet aboard the USS Enterprise (weird stuff McCoy flushes)… or better the Millennium Falcon (wookie’s dietary habits)… Clarke’s Odyssey (spilling HAL’s secrets)
Scalzi: so what got you into this line of work?
Enterprise-HIT: not listening to my parents and getting my PhD in French Literature
If this doesn’t generate at least a short story about what happens when it all goes horribly wrong, the world will be a smaller, sadder place.
I’m remembering Theodore Sturgeon’s hilarious story, “Pruzy’s Pot.” Your toilet sounds, um, congruent to the unit mentioned in that classic piece of literature.
Do the various pets in the Scalzi household stay out of the suite where the AFO Space Toilet is located? If not how have they reacted to the automated actions?