Krissy and I Have a Band: Introducing OEMAA and “Parking Space”
Posted on March 19, 2023 Posted by John Scalzi 61 Comments
During the pandemic, lots of people took on projects to keep themselves busy; mine was building out a music room with an eye toward eventually writing and recording music. Along the way Krissy expressed an interest in bass guitar, so I got her one and told her that she and I would form a band one day. She mentioned that we might be limited by the fact that neither of us could play our instruments very well, to which I responded, well, that’s why punk music exists. We agreed that we would form a punk band, whose musical theme would be venting furiously about the minor annoyances that beset ones such as ourselves, which is to say, comfortable middle-aged folks.
Fast forward to 2023, and right now, and I’m happy to announce that Krissy and I do, in fact, have a punk band in which we bemoan the inconveniences of the hugely privileged. We call ourselves OEMAA (pronounced “wee-ma”), which is an acronym for Outrageously Entitled Middle-Aged Assholes, and our first song, “Parking Space,” is the sonic blast of aggrievement emanating from the soul of a man in an SUV who sees the parking space he’s been hovering over get snapped up by another equally entitled jerk in a Lexus. Hell hath no fury like a dude in an SUV, missing out on a parking opportunity. It’s two minutes flat of pure screaming rage, about something that wouldn’t be a problem if the dude would just walk an extra 20 yards to the store, from a slightly less convenient parking spot. There are a whole lot of F-bombs dropped. I’ll put the lyrics in the first comment.
(Also, to be clear for those who need it, OEMAA is about satirizing such entitlement, not sympathizing with it. That said, whomst among us has not been irritated by someone getting a parking space we’ve been eyeing, etc. Being annoyed with that is fine. Using it as an excuse to go full rage monster is not.)
Krissy is playing her bass here; I’m doing pretty much everything else, including vocals (we have plans for Krissy to do the vocals on a possible future track or two). It’s an extremely simple song (literally one note, played as an octave) and it’s two minutes long because I don’t see how it could, or should, be any longer. I will note that we were originally planning to call ourselves “Minor Annoyance,” but it turns out there’s already a band called that, because of course there is. OEMAA it is. “Parking Space” is debuting here but has already been submitted to the various streaming services, so it should be available there in the next couple of days.
(Update, 3/20: Now up on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube and YouTube Music, and Amazon Music, among others.)
Will we do more? That’s the (admittedly vague at this point) plan; lord knows there are more things outrageously entitled middle-aged assholes get furious about. It is, shall we say, a fecund field. And I’m certainly down with playing more rock and roll with Krissy, because she is awesome, and I dig that we now have a band together. How can you not like that?
And here are those lyrics:
WHAT THE FUCK
What the fuck are you doing
That’s my parking space
I’ve been here for ten minutes
Waiting for this Sentra to move
If you think you can just zoom in
And take my parking space
Well let me just tell you asshole
I don’t fucking approve
There is an order to this shit
For claiming a parking space
There is precedence
There are rules
And if you want to ignore them
And take my parking space
Then I just I’ll just have to
Take you to fucking school
I’m gonna key your fucking Lexus
I’m gonna punch you in your solar plexus
I’m gonna key your fucking Lexus
I’m gonna punch you in the solar plexus
Do you know what I had to do
To be here for this parking space?
I had to circle the lot waiting
For this fool to leave
He sat in his fucking car
In that parking space
On his fucking phone
Shooting the goddamn breeze
I sacrificed an afternoon
For that damn parking space
And you’re just gonna shoot in there?
Allow me to fucking disagree
I don’t care about your rationale
For taking my parking space
Now this is between
You and me
I’m gonna key your fucking Lexus
Gonna punch you from here to Texas
I’m gonna key your fucking Lexus
You’re gonna clean up your fucking messes
Get out of your car
Get your fucking kale smoothie
Get your organic fucking pasta
Get your coconut milk ice cream
This Whole Foods
Will be your ending
This Trader Joe’s
Will be your doom
This Dorothy Lane
Is your Armageddon
This parking space
Is your tomb!
(Also, before anyone says it, I’ll note I am not the first person to musically essay the anger of the entitled in the parking lot of a high end market. It is ripe subject matter, yes.)
Way to go!
NOICE. Love that guitar tone, abrasive yet crunchy.
My only suggestion as a huge music nerd – if you added an outro with a gang vocal shouting something like “Fuck Your Lexus!” etc. with a double-timed drum part, this will be an anthem for 2023.
Cracked me up. OMEAA is as good as – nay, better than – many bands out there today! I can’t wait for your next release!
My new weekend theme song!
That’s a lot of fun and surprisingly catchy for a one-note song!
Go Krissy! Bass is objectively the best instrument!
I did not know what I expected but I did not expect a fucking JAM like this!
This is fabulous, but small complaint: The way it’s mixed makes it REALLY hard to actually hear the lyrics. (or if that’s deliberate, than there you go).
Fucking love it! Reminds me of Weird Al’s “First World Problems”, or some of the stuff John Trubee used to do. Hilarious! OEMAA needs to do more!
What note does Krissy play? I’m an aspiring bass player and I’d love to be able play this.
For myself, there is nothing sexier than a woman with a guitar. Unless it’s a red headed woman with a guitar (yes, I will stan Reba McEntire until I breathe no more).
It’s the F on the D string, and then the octave.
Usually lurk – but love the jam! For once I get to turn my kid onto something first.
For your own amusement you might check out the Helsinki or Budapest Complaints Choirs. (they cut down all the trees, so why is there still no toilet paper in the public loo?)
Thanks for the lyrics, as I couldn’t understand anything except the F-bombs.
Very Suicidal Tendencies. I’m impressed.
Excellent! You are living the life we all dream of!
Your first performance on the road should be here in Omaha, because OEMAA in Omaha. The city has a brand new concert venue opening this spring.
I’m in your demographic for sure. I will be screaming these lyrics (with the windows closed) next time I go to Trader Joes or Costco.
Kind of reminds me of Club Med Sucks
Kind of reminiscent of the Dead Milkmen. Very amusing!
Several of my students would LOVE this.
Alas. as they are 14 and I like receiving my paycheck, I cannot share with them :(
Of course, this fits along with “I Hate You” from Star Trek IV
How is it possible that Krissy got cooler?
Athena has preposterously cool parents.
OMG, I love this! (I listened to this both on my phone and laptop, and could hear the lyrics just fine).
OK, so I’ve never listened to the other music you’ve made, but the combo of “Krissy on bass” and “punk” intrigued me.
I … I don’t hate it!
I’m a crochety old 70’s punk, though, so I’m going to need to hear more to graduate to “like/love”. So, get on it.
This song needs a music video. It doesn’t even have to be about parking spaces—it would be great music for a kaiju battle.
Now I’m jealous~!!~
Surf Punks meet Ministry. Nice
OK. Here’s a conundrum.
The only Whole foods in Columbia SC has a pair of spaces with a sign; “Electric Vehicle Charging station”
It doesn’t read “Electric vehicles only” and the charging station was removed during our 2015 1000 year flood.
My observation was that no one ever parks there despite the fact that there is no charging station.
Now electric vehicles are much more expensive and more available for the “Well-to-do” My feelings on the subject is that as long as there’s no reason for the sign I can feel morally justified to park my gas-only car there (where everyone else for some weird reason does not.)
I really don’t think an institution like Whole Foods would hang a sign that says “Electric Vehicles that folks that can afford Electric vehicles parking only” would be a good look……..
I got into punk before Debbie Harry became a blond. This is… the essence of punk. Instruments barely played but loud and fast. Rage. Social Commentary. Sarcasm.
Wow, that’s um… Wow.
Wow. Y’all sound an awful lit like King Missile, which means my teenage punk phase. Awesome 👍😎
Impresive bass playing–and left-handed, too, unless you flipped the shot…
As a classically trained (and still active) cellist, I was pleased t0 find that the string length on a cheap fretless electric is so close to the same that there’s no need to learn new fingerings. Frets would just get in the way.
My late mother, handicapped, would rage at those parking illegally in handicapped spaces (without what she cheerfully called her “crip card”) and, in addition to dropping the proverbial dime, would always say “I wish I could just give them a flat.” When I commented, “that’s kind of an empty gesture,” she said, “OK, two flats, then.” (Extra points if it’s a big SUV with the spare on a rack, so they don’t find out that it, too, is flat until they’ve changed it.)
She treasured the rhinestone-encrusted valve core tool I gave her for her 75th birthday.
This reminds me of my favorite magnificently entitled protest. I was in the main shopping district in Beverly Hills and noticed that every parking space was taken by a Rolls Royce. I had seen lots of Cadillacs at a big mob funeral in lower Manhattan, but never this many Rolls Royces arrayed, each one with a custom paint job, some quite lurid.
The story was that Fred Hayman who ran a boutique there always parked a Rolls Royce in front of his store. Apparently, he or an employee arrived nice and early every day the store was open and nabbed that particular spot. Beverly Hills, in its infinite wisdom declared this a public nuisance and started ticketing his Rolls Royce. I guess that not everyone who shops in Beverly Hills can afford to park there.
Hayman was outraged. He responded with a protest. He came out with a new perfume, Beverly Hills Public Nuisance and got his friends together to park their Rolls Royces in every spot in the main business district. He obviously had a lot of friends with Rolls Royces.
I found it hilarious. Talk about first world problems. It’s not like homeless people are going to crusade for housing with a Rolls Royce motorcade. Still, you had to admire his showmanship. If nothing else, people bought his perfume and the spectacle got him some press coverage. I vaguely remember him backing down and releasing the parking spot so that some other poor, well maybe not poor, shopper could park there, perhaps someone who could only afford a Bentley.
It was not uncommon, when the number of arrivistes with Teslas in the Silicone Valley significantly exceeded that of SuperChargers, that standard parking procedure was to hire a homeless–excuse me, “unhoused”–person to guard your Tesla. Otherwise, someone even more entitled would pull up alongside and unplug you so they could charge their Tesla.
If your band is named “wee-mah”, you are morally compelled to record a cover of “the lion sleeps tonight”.
well..most punk songs were short, fast, loud and furious, so there ya go. Band t-shirts?
This may be the greatest thing you’ve ever done.
Also, it really reminds me of the opening song from Bitish sitcom “We Are Lady Parts.” Worth checking out.
Thank you, John, for your inspired use of “whomst”. I expect it’s required vocabulary for punk gods.
@Steve Buchheit, I have two words for you: “Ellen McIlwaine”. Sadly passed, but the best slide guitarist, EVER.
You definitely need to talk to Steven King (who’s apparently had some success writing about the horrors of living in Maine) about the Rock Bottom Remainders.
This is every Trader Joe’s in metro Boston. I have myself seen near and sometimes nearer fistfights in three different lots.
And now, can Athena play drums?
And @Steve Buchheit, ” Poison Ivy Rorschach” .
As an aged Boomer, all I can say is, right on!
And Krissy is so hot in that picture.
Well that was truly awful. Now get off my lawn. Wait. It’s your lawn. Never mind.
(Also, the choruses weren’t that awful.)
I dislocated my neck head banging to that. Thanks!
Can I just say how cool it is that you and Krissy did this? This makes me happy. You two are fantastic examples of what married couples should be all about.
@Peter writes… ‘My late mother, handicapped, would rage at those parking illegally in handicapped spaces (without what she cheerfully called her “crip card”) and, in addition to dropping the proverbial dime, would always say “I wish I could just give them a flat.”’
Judy Heumann, the long-time advocate for rights for people with disabilities, was said to carry a ballpoint pen so that when she came across a parked car blocking a curb cut she could use it to first let the air out of its tires and second write a note explaining why.
The B side has to be a song about how you pulled into a spot, hoping to pull through, but some A-hole decided to park across from you, even though all the other slots were available.
Follower tune from an earlier genre
rock n roll \m/
Reminds me of those fucking 20-somethings who casually take the one-of-a kind spot I wanted next and sit there for a fucking day on their fucking phones . . .
at Planet Fitness.
Should you happen to teach English, you could be simply referring them to a successful writer’s blog ;-)
And yeah I smiled at the song and it took me back to my youth^ so ****, you’d get five if you added the outro Tim M suggested.
^ Picture a bunch of female sixth formers, (16-17 year olds) collecting the various residents of Devon rock pools while belting out “Sing if You’re Glad to be Gay” – not that any of us had admitted to being so at that point.
But according to the sidebar list “The Name of My Next Band” the band should be called Foulbrood, not OEMAA
Lexus? Please curse at Tesla instead.
Fabulous! You keep finding new ways of making me smile. Bravo!
I was never into Punk, even in my youth
This does put a smile on my face
@DGL and others…
The problem with immobilizing cars illegally parked in handicapped spots or curb cuts is that it leaves them there even longer…unless you drop the dime first. Towing companies are motivated by profit, and don’t waste much time.
new fave pic of krissy by far!